TL;DR:

1. YOU are the best person to know if you are ready to have a kid. No one else can really tell you you’re ready or that you’re not.
2. It’s not necessarily possible to feel completely ready for an experience you’ve never had. Make peace with that.
3. It’s worth it. And also the hardest thing you may ever do. And worth it. And it’s also okay to wait to have a kid until you are ready.
4. If you decide to go for it and have that kid – YOU are the best parent that kid can ever have. Tattoo that on your heart and remind yourself often. You can do this and you’re going to be great.

Now, for those of you still with me, let’s walk through the basics of what you should consider when deciding if you’re ready to have kids.

 

Consider Your Partner First

It’s certainly possible for people to have a kid without a partner but, boy, is it better to have one, and a great one at that.

I think all the time about how single parents are SUPERHUMAN in a way that I shiver to imagine for myself because of how hard it must be. So consider your partner and your relationship when wondering if you’re ready to have kids. Consider the benefits of marriage if you aren’t married!

Having a child naturally requires two people and raising one is going to be significantly less stressful if you have someone on that journey with you – emotionally, physically, financially, legally, etc.

And not only do you want to have a partner, you want your relationship to be solid. If there’s work you can do to improve your relationship before you have a kid, I highly recommend it.

 

Having a child is like using a magnifying glass on your relationship.

 

If your relationship is struggling, then those struggles get harder and more complicated; if the relationship is thriving, then the love and teamwork you share with each other comes even more clearly into focus.

 

Consider Your Physical Health

How ya feeling? But seriously. When you’re pondering parenting, consider your global physical health. And while this is a passing reference to the female biological clock because that’s one of many factors to think about, it’s also a broader recommendation for both partners to do what you can to optimize your physical health for two big reasons:

1) Having a child is a physically taxing endeavor for BOTH women and men (although not equally) and it behooves you to be as healthy as you can be, and —

2) Having a child means you have a lot less time and energy to focus on your OWN body, so do it now while you have wayyy more availability. 

And speaking of the old biological clock, I’m not here to add pressure about the waning of female fertility after a certain age because, newsflash: that’s not a reason to have a kid in and of itself. Just like every other consideration, it’s one part of the equation and it will be a different situation in your twenties, thirties, and forties respectively. 

But, if you are seriously wondering if you’re ready to have kids, I will tell you to LEARN about your body, fertility included! It’s worth your energy to understand how your body works, especially in terms of your reproductive health, but also just in general.

 

Our bodies are complicated and everything is connected.

 

If you’ve been meaning to talk to your doctor about that thing that keeps happening, or you aren’t sure if something about your body is functioning normally, then get that figured out if you can before you start growing a mini version of yourself. 

One of the less talked about realities of having kids is the issues people can have trying to conceive in the first place. So while you won’t necessarily know what your situation will be until you try, there’s plenty of education you can do surrounding your physical health, and how to be healthier and more informed about your own body.

 

Consider Your Mental Health

This subject cannot possibly be talked about too much but I’ll keep it brief.

They say if you become a parent then you can either deal with your own issues or pass them along to your kids.

So if you are trying to figure out if you’re ready to have kids, it’s worth considering the state of your mental health for everyone’s sake. If you have mental health needs that aren’t getting fully addressed, you deserve to devote more of your time, energy and resources towards that before you start diverting them to another tiny human. It’s the whole “you can’t pour from an empty cup” idea but in a life-altering scenario.

 

It is 100% valid to delay having kids in order to work on your own mental health if that’s what you need.

 

And if you’re feeling like you’re in a good spot, it’s okay to continue your journey of self-improvement while you become a parent. It’s not about trying to perfect yourself, (an impossible goal anyway, my friend), it’s about making sure you aren’t rushing yourself to have a kid before you’re emotionally healthy.

 

Consider Your Finances

You’ve heard kids are expensive.

It’s kinda true?

Well, it depends.

 

It might be more accurate to say that having kids will shift your spending habits significantly.

 

You’ll spend more of your money on kid-related things than on the things you buy right now, but you don’t necessarily need “more” money available. Ultimately, you’ll probably choose to spend more money on your kids because you want to or because there are actual things that make life easier.

When it comes to financial readiness to have kids though, there really isn’t a “right” answer other than the vague advice that financial stability is a good idea.

That’s the thing about figuring out if you’re ready to have kids – so many things look different for different people. So allow yourself the space to think about what stability looks like for your life specifically.

I read a quotation once about money that said having enough is a state of mind, not a dollar amount, and I really think that’s true. You don’t want to be stressed about money if you can help it, but that’s kind of like the rest of your life anyway.