How to Gain the Confidence for Personal Growth

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Full disclosure: This is going to be a bit of a personal post. I am going through some ~transitions~ with Blush (you may have noticed our new app and unlimited chat service, yes?!) and am on the brink of needing to level up in order to take Blush to where it needs to go. So while this post is still about *you* and how to gain the confidence for personal growth – I’m also simultaneously giving myself my own pep talk for my own personal growth! 🙂

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Personal growth is hard. Moving forward is intimidating. And while it arguably might be harder to stand still – that doesn’t diminish the fear of transitions. We’ve all learned they come with their own set of self-doubts, insecurities, triggers, and other fun little stress monsters hiding under our adult beds.

But change comes whether we welcome it or not – and my preference is to gain the confidence to take every opportunity for self-exploration.

Guess that’s the life coach in me.

So…here we are. I’m going to detail how I mentally prep myself to gain the confidence for my own personal growth, and I hope you can relate – or even learn! – from some of my tips.

 

Double Down On Your Strengths

 

This the oldest trick in the book, and one of my personal favorites.

I am so TIRED of the false narrative that we need to be all things in order to succeed.

Think about it. Apparently we need to be logical, warm, considerate, tough, detail-oriented, big picture-minded, commanding, approachable, professional, relaxed, easy-going, in-control, flexible, structured, introspective, communicative….

Like what gives, y’all?

It’s impossible to adopt every quality you “should” have in order to fit the American ideal. And I don’t know about you, but I personally feel like I’m the exact opposite of what most leaders traditionally possess. I’m messy, not professional in the least, disorganized, and randomly enough I hate wearing shoes or pants with any sort of button on them.

The list goes on.

But so what? I do happen to have a lot of qualities that are pretty valuable in my humble opinion, even if they don’t fit the norm. So that’s why I lean HARD into them, and so should you.

 

I don’t want you wasting any time feeling like you need to fix something about yourself in order to gain the confidence for your own personal growth.

 

You are going to succeed because of the strengths you already have – and those who are smart, know that it’s much more 1) productive and 2) fun to expand your strengths rather than hyper-focusing on your weaknesses.

Yeah, I know – as a life coach, I should be telling you to double down on self-improvement, which usually means tackling those weaknesses one by one.

But I call bullshit. Unless your weaknesses are totally ransacking your life and preventing you from true personal growth, let’s hitch our wagon to your strengths and see where it takes us. Otherwise, how are you ever going to gain the confidence for what’s next?

Double down on your strengths. Put time in on your writing. Hyperfocus on your networking. Spend your time organizing. Dump your attention into problem solving. Whatever it is that makes you unique – bold it and capitalize it. You’ll be so much happier, and people will value you for exactly what makes you special, rather than any shortcomings that don’t even matter!

   

Delegate Your Weaknesses

 

Don’t spend your time banging your head against a wall trying to become someone you’re not.

Instead, how about you look around you and find someone who balances you out? There’s millions of people on this planet who have their own unique set of strengths, and you’re telling me that you can’t find anyone to help you out? You can’t find ONE person who excels in what you totally suck at?!

……………

….see how arrogant AND dumb we seem when we try to do everything ourselves?

 

It takes vulnerability to admit that you shouldn’t – or can’t – handle everything yourself. That’s true personal growth.

 

I don’t know about you, but I suffer from massive guilt when I delegate or outsource things I believe I *could* do myself. And let me tell you – that guilt serves absolutely no purpose. All my guilt does is block opportunities from others while simultaneously shaming me into oblivion.

Dumb, dumb, dumb.

Get really comfortable with things you’re not good at. Real comfortable. Write them down! I’ll go first.

  1. Sales
  2. Organization
  3. Not taking things personally
  4. Data/Analytics

Okay FINE – the list is longer than that but to be honest that’s none of your business now is it!!!!

Kiddinggggg – I just really didn’t feel like going through ~everything~ because this post is all about your personal growth, not tearing me down!

🙂

So as you can see, the things I’m bad at are definitely needed when running an online business. I need to ask people to buy our services. I need to be organized (that’s just a given). I need to not take everything personally because this is a ~business~ and not who I am as a person. And yeah, it’s probably good to be real comfortable with data and analytics if you want to grow.

But neener neener neener – I suck at all of it!

I needed to gain the confidence to ascend to a position as CEO, not get caught up in my shortcomings. So I outsource it! So I collaborate with others who are good at some of this stuff! So I use free online resources to automate things!

I find shortcuts wherever I possibly can so I don’t have to shame myself into becoming an organized salesperson who is also data savvy. Because unfortunately that person’s name is not Kali.

….And NO I’m still not organized but whatever, you can’t win them all.

Point is, I don’t waste my time focusing on what I suck at when I could just find someone else to collaborate with. It’s truly a win-win situation.

And just a quiet note – not all of these relationships are secured with money.

I also rely on this line of thinking in my relationship, in my friendships, in my personal life…all of it. Anytime someone brings something to the table effortlessly that would take a ton of my energy – I let them run with it. I try my best not to feel inferior, guilty, possessive – none of it. Yes, sometimes those feelings creep up, but frankly they don’t serve me. So I release them, and let whomever do their thang while I sit back and benefit greatly.

And so can you. Let those weaknesses be someone else’s strengths, and you just keep on moving forward on your own personal growth journey.

 

Reject Traditional Stereotypes

 

I touched on this earlier, but we are going to circle back and give it the full attention it deserves.

 

Just because you haven’t seen a leader that looks like you, talks like you, or acts like you does NOT mean she can’t exist or that she won’t mother-freaking-CRUSH-IT.

 

It’s time to do away with the idea that the best innovators are reserved or neurotic, or that the best leaders are assertive and social, or that the best artists are sensitive and introverted.

Whatever it is that you are walking toward, just know you belong and you are worthy. You can gain the confidence to keep going. What you bring to the table is unique, exciting, and empowering. I’m ready for more faces like yours. Don’t let past archetypes anchor you to your chair. Release yourself and dare to take up space in a position you weren’t sure you’d ever be cut out for. I fully believe that we need to continue to push the boundaries of what success looks and feels like.

And that begins with you.

   

Embrace the Long Game

 

Just last week I was chatting with someone I hardly knew about hypothetical next steps for me in my career. It was one of those pure personal growth moments: she had an impressive background filled with the experience I probably needed myself, so I figured it could be great to get her perspective on my path ahead.

I was talking in circles, per usual, and trying to convey that I wasn’t sure the next logical step made sense for who I was at my core – and even if I wanted it – I wasn’t convinced I was ready for it.

Her response was nothing short of illuminating.

 

“No mother is ready to give birth to an 18-year-old. She grows into it.”

 

Well, shit girl. All right.

I didn’t have much to say back to that, because she’s totally right. Change does not happen overnight. If you’re anything like me, you’re thinking a zillion steps ahead, because you have that wonderful capability.

(Soooome people call it “over-thinking” – but, like, I’m sorry that women just have that unique ability to see lots of possibilities all at the same time. Jealous much?!)

But in reality, change takes time. Personal growth takes time. And while we may believe we have to be ready for all of the next steps before we take the first one, we really don’t.

We can learn as we go. The best leaders do.

So take a deep breath, and release yourself from the pressure of needing to have all the answers today, and have faith that you’ll figure it out along the way. That is my best kept secret on how to gain the confidence for true personal growth.

 

Get a Mentor/Coach

 

You shouldn’t be faced with taking the next big step alone.

This is the time to rely heavily on mentors, life coaches, therapists, parents, friends – you name it, make sure they know you’re *going through it* and need support.

 

While Blush is definitely what is triggering my own personal growth insecurities – it’s ironic that we offer this particular kind of coaching as a service.

 

So many of my personal clients face these imposter syndrome type situations, and that’s what I coach them through. And I’m good at it, because I’m familiar with the process myself.

Same goes for my other life coaches. They know what it’s like to be vulnerable. They know what it’s like to put themselves out there. And they know what it’s like to force themselves to gain the confidence to take the next step.

So who better to guide you through your next transition than them?

No matter who you trust to guide, push, and motivate you to keep going – keep them close for the next phase of your life. You’re going to need them.

 

How to Take the Next Step In Your Life

 

My best advice?

Be open to constructive criticism, to someone being better at something than you are, to new ideas, to innovative strategies, to taking time off, to setting boundaries, to learning a new skill, to the idea that others think differently than you do.

Be open to it all.

If you’re not open, then it will be so hard to take the next step. Don’t be resistant. Embrace it all. Remember that while you have strengths – you can’t possibly know everything you need to know for what’s next. Listen. Have patience with others and yourself.

And remember, you are so much more than what you do. Take the ego out of it, and you’ll be so much more comfortable with your own personal growth.

 

Commitment to openness invites an ongoing journey of personal growth.

 

It won’t even feel like work, because you’ll be soaking up so much additional knowledge throughout each and every day.

The more open you remain, the more prepared you’ll be for whatever is next.

Quotes for Personal Growth

Whenever you are feeling down about what’s next – take the time to reflect, meditate, and pump yourself up with a few quotes. I find that inspirational quotes can help you gain the confidence to take the next step in life – no matter what that might be. Here are a few of my favorites:

“Everything is figureoutable”

Marie Forleo

“You are the artist of your own life. Don’t hand the paintbrush to someone else.”

“Visualize your highest self and start showing up as her.”

“If your dreams don’t scare you, they are too small.”

Richard Branson

“You’re allowed to be both a masterpiece and a work in progress simultaneously”

Sophia Bush

“I know what I bring to the table…so trust me when I say I’m not afraid to eat alone.”

“You don’t need to have all the answers to start, you just have to be willing to take the first step.”

“If you talk about it, it’s a dream, if you envision it, it’s possible, but if you schedule it, it’s real”

Tony Robbins

“One day all the people who didn’t believe in you will tell others how they met you.”

“If you have no tolerance for failure, you will not create anything new.”

Brene Brown

I am sending you compassion, patience, and hopefully the confidence you need to take the next step on your personal growth journey.

xo

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