Finding the right relationship for you is not for the faint of heart.
Maybe you’re tired of being single, maybe you’re sick of the wrong relationships, or maybe you’re just over the whole dating scene. Whatever it is, we’re here to help you find a relationship that is worthy of your time.
1. Know Yourself
You simply cannot find a good match for yourself if you do not know yourself. It’s virtually impossible. You have to have the self-awareness to know what you like, what you don’t like, what works well with you, what rubs you the wrong way, and what would complement you. Otherwise, you’re letting your romantic future fall to chance, and who wants that when we can be in charge?
It is a MUST to know your deal breakers, your personality quirks, and what you may want in someone else in order to find balance. This doesn’t come from constructing the ideal guy—it comes from exploring who YOU are, and what would work best for YOU.
Explore yourself. Take some personality tests. Get a life coach. Think about what makes you happy. Think about what you would like to work on. Go inside yourself and take a look around! I know it’s scary in there, but it’s the key to finding happiness in the outside world. You just might surprise yourself!
2. Know Who You are Looking For
It’s way harder to find a great match if you don’t know what the hell you’re looking for—that’s just common sense. I mean, if you go to the grocery store, you pretty much know what’s going to end up in your cart. Of course a few things will end up there that you weren’t necessarily anticipating–something is on sale that normally isn’t, you have a silly craving, or something merely surprises you on the shelf. But otherwise, you knew what you were going to grab the second you walked in the store. Some of you even had a list!
So why do we walk around so blind when it comes to selecting our partner for life? We need to know what we are looking for in order to find it. And no, I don’t mean come up with the perfect checklist for a guy. None of this “he has to be this tall, with this color hair, and this kind of job”.…because that is zeroing in on a lot of things that frankly don’t matter.
Reflect on previous relationships. Ponder on who your best friends are, and what they have in common. Do research on what personality types complement your type. I mean why not? The key is to think big. The little specific quirks are not going to define a person for being right or wrong for you. It’s the overarching character traits that will be important. Do you have the same values? Do you have similar interests? Are your personalities compatible?
Here is an exercise I would like for all of you to do. Grab a piece of paper, and make three columns. Label one column “non-negotiables,” label one “negotiables,” and label the other “Don’t Care.”
Now, fill them in.
What are deal breakers for you? What are things you would be willing to compromise on? What are things you really don’t care about? Write them down. This list will not only help you find clarity about prospects, but it’ll also help you with #1 as well.
PS–if you put ANY physical features in there, erase them. Focus on within first. You’ll know if you’re attracted to someone the second you meet them – so no need to hyperfocus on it.
3. Put Yourself Out There
If you want a job, you have to apply. If you want a degree, you have to go to class. And if you want to meet somebody, well, then you have to leave your house. It’s simple logic, but it’s not as easy as it sounds. And we totally know this.
One of the hardest things in life is making the conscious decision to put yourself out there. It’s scary, it’s vulnerable, but it’s the only way to see real results. If you want to meet somebody, you need to tell people you want to meet somebody. You need to network, ask for help, and put it into the universe. Your friends have access to people similar to you, because you and your potential suitor already share something in common–A FRIENDSHIP WITH THE HUMAN YOU ARE ASKING. Bam! Already have one thing in common. Awesome. So ASK.
If you do the whole coy “I like being single” game, that’s great, but guess what? You will continue to be single. And if you’re reading this blog, I highly doubt that is what you want. So go communicate your desire to be hitched! Why not? I did. And that was the scariest moment of my life. But I got Presidential Ken doll as a boyfriend so I’m not complaining anymore.
Ok, so what else? Well, you should probably join dating sites, dating apps, and go to social events around your community. You should also make a conscious effort to talk to friendly acquaintances at the gym or your neighborhood Trader Joe’s. I know it’s awkward, trust me, but you just have to do it.
Here is my promise: not everyone will like you, but somebody will. And that somebody is the only person who matters.
4. Allow Them To Pursue You
Don’t we all love Justin Long’s role in He’s Just Not That Into You? He’s brutal, but oh, he’s so right. If a guy likes you, he will ask you out. Simple enough.
Now before you bring out the pitchforks, we are not proclaiming that this is THE END ALL BE ALL. No. There are some fabulous stories about girls asking guys out and it all worked beautifully. But I’m willing to bet, after that first date was over, the guy ended up pursuing the girl for a portion of it. Or else…the relationship would have been all lop-sided. And who wants that? Those relationships are the worst. They make us feel insecure and vulnerable and just….terrible. So let’s steer clear of that.
Also–it’s probably good to mention that we are talking about the early days of relationships, not six months down the road. Once people commit to each other, they tend to fall into comfortable communication patterns that work well for them. She texts him in the morning, he calls her at night, and maybe they email back and forth randomly. Whatever it is, they don’t keep tabs anymore, because it doesn’t matter. But in the beginning of relationships, if ONE person is doing ALL the communicating, it’s probably not going to work out.
So, let someone pursue you. Let someone nail down a night to see you because they can’t stand the idea of letting anymore days go by without it. Let someone chase you. You can still have a modern relationship while allowing someone make you feel special. I promise.
So don’t cyber stalk him, k?
Remember, if you need a judgment call, that’s what we’re here for.
5. Give Them a Chance
It’s not really fair to judge someone based off of one date. You can’t learn enough in one date. No freaking way. They’re awkward, intimidating, and no one actually gets to be the best version of themselves. I mean, could someone tell everything there is to know about YOU in one date? I sure hope not.
When you interview for a job…you normally have more than one interview. Big or small, the majority of companies need a few meet ‘n greets to really assess your capability. They have to get to know you. They have to vet you. They have to understand you. They make sure you’re a ‘culture’ fit, that your personality strengths can excel in the position, and that you’re actually interested.
So apply the interview principle to the dating principle. Unless your date was disrespectful and offensive (a-hole), give people a chance. Let people surprise you. It took a while to get to know yourself, so it might take a while to get to know someone else, too. And if a solid three outings go by and you still have to pretend your date is some sort of food just to bear it, then fine. Go try again with someone else.
6. Stop Wondering if You Are Right for Them
So many times we get caught up in the question, “Am I the one for him?”
And, the answer is, “who the hell cares?!”
The question you SHOULD be asking is….“Is HE right for ME?”
This is so important! In fact, let’s just assume that you are right for him, at all times! I mean why not? You’re amazing. You’re pretty and smart and funny and wonderful. Why wouldn’t you be the one for him?
The question is, does he float your boat? Does he light your haystack on fire? Does he make you happy? Does he make you feel special? Does he make you laugh? Does he challenge you, inspire you, and make you reach for more? Think about these things. Answer them honestly. And DO NOT’ forget the most important question of all—does he know you? Like, really really know you? If you don’t know the answer to this, then eeeeeeek.
The thing is, we get SO distracted thinking about if we are his number one girl, that we forget to ask ourselves how WE are feeling. And then, five months later, we’re in this crappy relationship that we can’t seem to get out of. Gross! And all of this just because we never asked ourselves how we really feel! So, the rule is, ASSUME he wants to marry the crap out of you, and focus on whether you want to marry the crap out of him.
Trust us, once you have mastered the skill of understanding how YOU feel about these people, you’ll have a much better chance of finding the right relationship for you….because it will all depend on how you feel. And your feelings matter. Lots.
Ok you lovely Blush girls, we are so ready for you to find the relationship you deserve. If you would like some one on one support along the way, you know where to find us! Our memberships are affordable, and we are seriously ze best at all of this dating stuff. So join us and let’s get you on the road to the right relationship!