Not sure if you’re doing anything right? Feel like you’re constantly criticizing yourself or doubting yourself? Wonder how everyone else around you seems to navigate this life flawlessly, but you seem to be behind? Then you need some easy tips on building self confidence, because trust me, you’re doing better than you think.
Self confidence is not something we’re born with – it’s something we develop over time through good habits and good people. So if you’re feeling like you are resigned to being insecure your entire life, I love you, but you’re wrong. You can be just as confident as Lizzo if you just take the time to work on it. And I’m here to help you get started. I’ll even end things with some self confidence quotes to get you going!
Read more about ten EASY tips you can use in building your self confidence:
1. Spend More Time Alone
One of the easiest ways I’ve found to build up my self confidence is to spend a lot of time by myself. And my cats.
Okay, I can see how that makes me sound like somewhat of a loser, but just stick with me here.
Spending time alone forces you to get used to hearing your own thoughts. You realize how smart you are, how insightful you are, and how funny you are. You’re a hoot! You realize that you have more opinions than maybe you thought you did. Or maybe you finally admit that you don’t give an F about sports and would rather go take a long walk outside. It’s good to clock these things – because the more you get to know yourself (and get comfortable with it), the less insecure you’ll feel around others.
In grad school I was taught that proximity leads to familiarity, which leads to likability. Meaning, you tend to grow attraction for people you’re around all the time. Very rarely do I hear “love at first sight” stories in my line of work. Usually people developed feelings for each other over time, like at work or school, because they see each other a lot. The proximity to each other lead to being familiar with each other, and we tend to like things we’re familiar with. This is all a long way to say SPEND TIME WITH YOURSELF SO YOU CAN BECOME FAMILIAR WITH YOURSELF AND THEN LIKE YOURSELF. It works.
Maybe most importantly, spending time alone showcases just how much of a bitch you are to yourself.
Have you ever looked in the mirror and silently said, “…ew.”
Yep, me too. And it’s really, excuse my language, fucking rude.
Call yourself out when you catch yourself doing this. It’s a lot easier to do it when you’re home alone because you aren’t distracted by other people’s yapping. And, when you get good at recognizing what you’re saying and when you’re saying it, you can try to reframe it before it even happens. Which leads me to…
2. Ask The Magic Question
“What would I say to a friend?”
It’s that simple. Building confidence is all about feeling *good.* And when we are MEAN to ourselves, we don’t feel good. I bet half the shit you say to yourself you would NEVER say to a friend. Absolutely never. Because if you spoke like that to others, you probably wouldn’t have any friends.
So before you silently spat off to yourself, ask yourself if you would say what you’re about to say to a friend. If the answer is no, then go deeper. What WOULD you say to a friend when she’s feeling insecure?
You’d say to your friend that she looks amazing. That she’s smart. That she’s the perfect combo of classy and sassy. That everyone loves her. That she’s going to get the job. That if he doesn’t text her back, he’s insane. That she’s a rockstar. That she’s going to be so successful. That she deserves that ice cream. That she’s earned that promotion. That she’s kind. That she’s special.
If you can say it to her, you can say it to yourself. Because guess what? Friends attract like-minded people. So if she’s all of those things, you are, too.
3. Surround Yourself with Positive People
Here’s a shortcut to being confident: hang around people who support you no matter what.
It is infinitely easier to feel secure about yourself and your choices when your group is always here for it. And on the flip side, even the most confident person can feel like utter poop when they’re around negative people who question or judge their every move. No one is that resilient! We all have insecurities and achilles heels we don’t want poked by others. But negative people, man, they have a way to get under your skin no matter how clever you are at hiding your flaws.
If you’re having issues finding negative people, go solo for a bit. Protect your energy and hole up while you figure out what kind people bring out the best in you. Once you figure that out, think about where they might be hanging out. If you’re tired of being surrounded by workaholics, try going to the dog park at 5pm on a Tuesday. If you’re ready to hang out with people who like being outdoors, campsites and hiking trails will be full of adventurers. And so on and so forth.
Point is, feeling confident is an uphill battle when you’re surrounded by people who will tear it down the first chance they get. Confidence is contagious, so focus on being with kind, good natured cheerleaders who can help you find your inner Positive Polly.