This is where the real work begins. Figuring how how to stop caring about what other people think is the ULTIMATE achievement for someone trying to strengthen their confidence, expand their self-love, embrace their authenticity, and push their vulnerability to new heights.
Not caring about what other people think is the ticket to self-acceptance.
So the question becomes…but how?
As an Enneagram 3, I struggle with this a lot. My personality is hard wired to seek validation and admiration from others. Which means I am constantly at war with myself over what *I* believe is best for me, vs. what *others* believe to be best for me.
Most days I win my battles. Some days, I don’t.
And because I simply don’t consider myself to be the top expert in this unbelievably crucial subject, I’ve decided to ask my exceptionally bright team of life coaches to help me out with some tips. Learning how to stop caring what other people think is incredibly complex – and I believe the more advice on this subject, the better.
I’m going to start with my top pointer, and then hand the mic over to these lovely ladies.
Do you know yourself?
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Assume You Are Correct
From here on out, when you are making a *subjective* decision for yourself and your own life – I want you to assume that whatever your gut is telling you, is correct.
Instead of trying to pick it apart and challenge your gut instinct from every angle – just assume you’re right. Always.
Because the deal is, when it comes to making decisions for yourself about your own journey – you will be correct. Every time. Even if it doesn’t work out the way you wanted it to – your gut is telling you that you need to experience something in order to understand it. Your gut is telling you this is a lesson you need to learn. Your gut is telling you this is where you need to be.
Someone else cannot give you that answer. Ever.
This is different from, say, crowdsourcing information to give the best advice or make the right call in business. For objective issues – I am all about leaning on the expertise of others (cue: this blog).
But for matters that pertain to YOU and YOU alone, you are always right. So stop second guessing yourself, and assume you are the expert across the board.
Pricilla, over to you.
You Don’t Have the BandWidth
People change their minds as often as they change their clothes. Opinions vary from day to day. My best piece of advice on how to stop caring about what other people think? Don’t try to keep up with them.
First of all, you don’t actually have the bandwidth to keep up with every new opinion that a friend or family member forms. I don’t know about you, but I change my mind on little things often. And sometimes big things. I used to hate gold jewelry. Would refuse to wear it. Even though it matched my skin tone like a dream, I still reached for silver as often as I could.
Now I’m blinging out to gold on gold on gold.
Not a big enough shift? Okay, then. Let’s step it up.
I used to hate commitment.
The idea of settling down for one human being seemed isolating and limiting. But now? The idea of committing myself to one person for a long-term affair sounds pretty magical.
So wouldn’t it make sense that if our individual opinions change as we evolve, that others’ would too?
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I remember one time I wanted to buy this expensive, knockout, gorgeous dress for a wedding that let’s be real, I couldn’t really afford. In fact, no human being could really afford it.
But damn if I wanted it.
My friends all told me that it was a waste of money – I should save those funds for something else and opt for a cheaper dress.
But you know what? I bought that dress anyway. And frankly, I didn’t need their approval to spend my own money.
And wouldn’t you know, the next time I wore that dress out on the town, my friends could not get enough of it. They told me what a smart investment it was and how I’d wear it every chance I could and how it would be a staple in my wardrobe.
The thing is, they were right. Only after I stopped listening to them.
People change. Minds change. We all change. And trying to keep up with others’ ongoing opinions AS WELL AS OURS seems like a race that has no first place prize. You don’t have space to keep up with constant tweaks and updates of every opinion floating in the universe.
So instead, rely on the idea that people change.
If they disagree with you today, chances are they’re going to agree with you tomorrow. So keep doing you, no matter what.
Collect Perspective, Not Directives
When we talk about “how to stop caring about what other people think,” it’s not about being close-minded or untrusting of other people. In fact, sometimes it’s really helpful or interesting to hear someone else’s opinion about something; other times we can get great advice from someone who is outside of our situation and has more perspective (hello, Blush coach!).
What we mean is that someone else’s opinion about your life doesn’t matter more than yours does.
And you don’t want it to be the case that you don’t trust yourself or your own intuition because someone else has expressed their disagreement or disapproval.
We are not all the same!
The person whose opinion of your life matters the most is YOU, because YOUR life needs to be centered around YOUR priorities, values, goals, and needs.
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This means that other people will NOT necessarily understand your thoughts and feelings about your life because they are seeing things through the lens of their own different priorities and values. And that’s okay!
At the end of the day, we are all responsible for crafting our own lives in the way that will be the most meaningful and fulfilling to each of us. The world would be a much more boring place if we all had identical hopes and dreams – so let other people have their own idea of the perfect life, and you chase after YOURS.
Cultivate the peace of mind that comes with understanding that so many of the choices we make in our lives are neutral – we apply positive or negative value to them but those value judgements are still subjective.
Being Authentic Will Disappoint Others
One of the easiest ways to stop caring about what other people think, is to understand that by being true to yourself, you will inevitably disappoint someone else.
My favorite quote by Rachel Hollis is, “other people’s opinions of me are not my business”. And she is completely right.
I think we are conditioned to see ourselves through the eyes of the people around us, which makes us prioritize other people’s opinions and thoughts sometimes more than our own. And that’s typically because we are trying to please others.
My best advice to get over this hurdle is to press the reset button and get back in touch with who you are as your authentic self.
There is so much freedom in being true to yourself, but it also takes courage. You’re going to need to accept the fact that not everyone will approve of your choices, and that’s okay.
Be sure to cut the cord on people who don’t appreciate you and accept you as your authentic self. There will ALWAYS be people who have something to say about you or what you do… that’s not what matters. It’s what you do with that information that matters.
Have a Conversation With Yourself First
I’ve got one big takeaway for anyone who is struggling with how to stop caring about what other people think: You won’t be able to stop caring about what other people think until you start caring about what you think first.
You have to put in the effort to get to know yourself, understand your deepest thoughts and feelings, and become committed to your entire being. This starts with an honest self-examination.
Take time to talk to yourself. Literally.
Do you know yourself?
Learn more about yourself and your values with our free assessment.
Ask yourself what your opinions are on polarizing topics. Ask yourself what you would do or how you would react in unexpected situations. Give yourself praise for your areas of strength, and acknowledge areas that have room for improvement. Don’t hold back!
Immerse yourself in the business of caring about you. This process will lead you to a grounded space where you simply allow yourself to be; just be. Be authentically you, be driven towards growth, be committed to a loving relationship with yourself. Trust me, you’re worth it!
And remember, if you need a boost – we have a values assessment (located above) you can use to get started. It will help you figure out your true values, which is the first step in understanding your needs and wants.
Thank you Blush Coaches – that was some incredible advice.
I am going to take some of these tips myself and incorporate them into my everyday life, and I hope you do the same. And if it felt like any of these coaches were speaking directly to you – remember you can book a free session to work with one of them!
I would jump on it – spots are limited it, and you don’t want to waste another day clouded with the opinions of others.
So book below!