Not feeling so hot about your friendships?
That’s a bummer. And the reality is, there’s probably a simple fix as to why you aren’t enjoying your relationships as much anymore. So Blush wants to alleviate this pain by sharing four common traps that tend to get us in gal-pal ruts. This is how you have better friendships:
Remember Teddy’s quote? It’s baaaaack! We know you hang out with rockstars. And honestly, how it is even possible not to be jealous sometimes? It’s natural for us to occasionally become the little green monster, and we shouldn’t expect to just rise above it every time. However, we can guarantee a way for you to diminish this feeling tremendously so your jealousy isn’t taking over your life.
Stop comparing. When you judge your pre-work out bod to Katie’s 10 week mastered fitness results, or your entry level job after a career switch to Macey’s promotion after a few years, you aren’t being fair to yourself. And you aren’t being fair to them. Center yourself. Remind yourself about your path, your journey, your story. You are probably in a different place in life! The best thing to do is to talk about the work, dedication, and sweat that has been put into each of your accomplishments AND your friend’s accomplishments. Cheer for each other. Listen to each other. But above all else, do not compare. That’s bad.
2. Quantity over Quality
When we were young, we learned “more is better” (if you don’t believe me, just watch those cute AT&T commercials). But somehow we managed to out grow our teddy bears and denim overalls (which are making a comeback?) but we didn’t out grow this ancient belief.
Let’s out grow it now. Pick your friendships wisely. You don’t need to surround yourself with a million friends to feel good, you need to surround yourself with a few friends who make you better. They’re not easy to find, so take the time and select the ones who bring out the best in you! Besides, it’s not ok to have 16 bridesmaids–your pictures will look ridiculous.
3. The Expiration Mate
Now that we know to be selective with friendships moving forward, what about the people you already have in your life? Let me guess: there are a few friends with whom you feel like you can’t be yourself (guilty).
Our personalities evolve, our circumstances evolve, and our relationships evolve. If one of your friendships has expired, it’s okay. Let it go! Invest your time into friendships that nurture your strengths, not friendships that accentuate your insecurities. There’s a reason Sex and the City and GIRLS only have four main stars: it’s natural to grow apart from others as we get older. But, with maturity also comes a keen ability to cherish the close relationships that remain. You are smarter than you were five years ago. You have worked hard to become who you are now. Let your friendships reflect that.
4. Not Saying No
It’s so hard. Oh so hard. But just say it.
“Hey girl, can I borrow your SUPER expensive dress that you definitely shouldn’t have bought in the first place, and it costs even more every time you have to dry clean it, and I will 100% spill red wine all over it, because I’m adorably yet recklessly irresponsible?”
“Hey can you pick up all of my groceries for the week? I will totally forget to pay you back.”
“Hi–will you co-host a shower for my bestie who’s getting married? You’ve never met her… but I definitely cannot afford to do this on my own.”
Oh HAYLE nah.
If you give some people an inch, they will take a hundred thousand kilometers (and then the mile). Friendships are not meant for takers, they are meant for sharers. Create boundaries, set expectations, and try to follow both. If you find yourself saying “no” a lot, it might be a good indicator of #2 or #3. If you still want to keep the friendship, at least you’ll have more energy and less resentment! Just be good to yourself, because goodness knows, not everyone else will be (except Blush–we will always be good–because we are perfect).