Hello! I’m in my 30s! And I’ve finally decided to become more assertive! Took me long enough. And for the record, I’m learning to ask for what I want not because I made an actual conscious effort to do so – but because over the past few months I’ve chased after some responsibilities that pretty much made it a requirement. A new career endeavor. Buying a house in Los Angeles (omg I’m broke). Remodeling. Hiring new people. Hence why this blog has sounded eerily similar to crickets. Oops! So that’s why I’m now writing about how to ask for what you want – even if the answer is no.

I honest to God thought I had conquered this whole adulting thing and life would keep chugging along – but as it turns out it just gets harder. And, might I add, more rewarding.

So frankly I don’t have the time to manifest as much as I used to anymore, nor do I have the patience. I need shit to happen now – not on a ten year delay (like my VW bug manifestation that hit at 26 instead of 16). And since humans are unfortunately not mind readers – or, mind you, anything to close to them – I have to use my words.

UGHHHHHHHHHH.

So here’s what I’ve learned over the past few months. Asking for what you want is terrifyingly hard – and not just for me. For a lot of women. I’m not perfect at it yet, but here’s how I get by:

1. Ask WWAMD?

What. Would. A. Man. Do.

Most of my adult life I’ve worked with women. And we are pretty great! We think about others’ needs, contemplate how to be the best person possible, wonder how we can make more of an impact in strangers’ lives, and make sure to carefully craft our words to leave as little of a sting on anyone else as humanly possible.

And sometimes, that gets us nowhere.

These past four months I’ve been introduced to the world of working with men. And sometimes I genuinely feel like they don’t think about anything rather than their bottom line. They don’t care about how they ask. They don’t care about how they come across. They don’t care about what this does to the other person. They just want what they want and GO. FOR. IT.

I mean their emails literally consist of LETTERS. “Ty.” “Ok.” “ASAP.”

They could seriously care less about how I am reading their words or if I can even garner meaning from them. Instead they believe their time is SO FREAKING VALUABLE THAT THEY CAN’T EVEN BE BOTHERED TO SPELL OUT OUR ENGLISH WORDS.

Did I mention that half of the time these emails are sent at 7am on a Saturday morning?

I mean what is that mentality like? Seriously! How crazy would it be to actually believe that my time was so valuable that I couldn’t be bothered to spend an extra five seconds to write an email that made actual sense? Or send something the second I thought about it until sitting on it and waiting for an appropriate time?

So…yeah.

I personally believe men have a lot to learn from women, but when we take over in 2035 they will have plenty of time to stew in these lessons. May she reign. But until my fantasy female revolution conspires, perhaps we have a little bit to learn from men. 

Instead of copy/pasting the male attitude, I like to use it as inspiration. I can combine my empathetic and people-driven nature with a man’s raw ambition and create an assertive, bold, yet welcoming ask that could very easily get me what I want. Why? Because most of the time, a request comes from the form of a man anyway. So anything with a hint of soft edges is a much welcomed interaction.

I mean, hell, everything could use a female touch.

I don’t need to contort myself in order to get what I want – but I can remember that a man wouldn’t question any of the things I am questioning before opening my mouth. And that’s comforting. In a messed up way, it gives me permission to STOP OVERTHINKING and just jump on in. I lean into that sturdy back bone of mine, and let it rip. Because no man around me has gotten fired for speaking their mind, which sets precedence.

If he can, I can.