If you feel like your life revolves around pleasing others around you—this is for you. It’s not healthy, it’s not necessary, and it’s not the life you imagined for yourself long ago. It’s time to take back control of your life by quitting the people pleasing today.

1. Assume It’s Not About You

We know how it goes. You’re beat bopping through the office, super pumped about your recent progress review, and it happens. You make eye contact with your coworker…and it just doesn’t feel right.

Is she pissed? Maybe she’s jealous of my upcoming promotion. But like, what the hell did I ever do to her? Why would I deserve this kind of treatment? IT’S AN OUTRAGE I TELL YOU!

Ok, calm down there tiger. Perhaps your coworker is having a rough day. We hear she got dumped last night, stubbed her toe on the curb, drooled toothpaste all over her brand new blouse this morning, and her monthly package came a few days early. Awesome. So, it’s actually not about you at all. That look was the result of her pondering over how she’s going to tell her family she’s coming to the family wedding sans one date.

She is not a happy camper.

If we constantly assume that every look, every comment, or every vibe has to do with us, we will be swamped with people pleasing thoughts all day every day. So, instead, we have to assume it’s not about us. Unless someone directly comes up to me and says…

‘HEY KALI YOU ARE A TOOL BAG’

…then I’m just going to assume other humans are dealing with their own stuff.

PS — not only does this open up some space in your mind, but it also forces people to grow a pair if you actually DID do something to tick them off. If they want you to know how they feel, they’re going to have to speak up. Passive aggression goes out the window, and everybody matures about 10 years. Hell yeah.

So next time you think you may hear something, think again.

 2. Set Goals for Your Own Wants and Needs

So, when I say wants and needs, I mean SPECIFIC wants and needs. I want some deadlines, I want some note taking, and I want some real concrete steps to get to these goals that you have decided to set for yourself.

Sign up for the GRE. Tell your friend you’re ready to date. Go interview. Put yourself out there. Make the calls. Just go for it! I want to see some initiative! Some independence! Because when you do this, you take up some space in your mind that USED to be allocated towards others’ wants and needs. But not anymore.

I want you to alter the question in your mind to “what do I want?” instead of “what do they want?”

Because trust me, you’ll have a much better shot at happiness.

You won’t inevitably turn into someone else’s doormat. The difference between being a really nice person and a pushover is direction. You’re going to be way t