By now, we hope you have tackled those first seven to-do items because we are serving up a few more for you right now. Here is the second half of your breakup to-do list—and if you follow along, you’ll be over them in no time!
8. Find a person in your life that you trust
…And listen to them when they say your ex wasn’t good enough. They’re telling you the truth.
Sometimes you need to hear it from someone other than a best friend or family member. So reach outside of your immediate inner circle and see if you can get some perspective. This is when life coaching comes in really handy – we don’t have a dog in the fight. We are objective, third party individuals who simply want the best for you. So if we tell you that your ex wasn’t the best fit for you – we mean it.
9. Plan something in the near future that you are excited about.
ESPECIALLY for this Friday. Buy tickets to the next midnight movie premiere, host a small party, plan an exquisite group dinner, or maybe even a weekend trip! Focusing on fun things not only gets you pumped, but they distract you from the not-so-fun-things. We know you feel awful/miserable/horrible/bloated/nauseous/any other negative adjective, but life can be mean…and it goes on with or without your ex. So you might as well have fun and throw your energy into planning an incredibly fun life.
10. Daydream about your future without them.
You’ve heard it: Single? Taken? No. Building your empire.
Your life has SO many possibilities when you do not need to consider someone else’s life path. That might sound selfish, but this IS the time to act for you. No need to waste your energy giving up on opportunities for someone who doesn’t really care. When you find the right person, you can make compromises and build your life together. Now is not the time. Now is about you. Go for it.
Nothing relieves stress after a breakup like exercising. It clears your head, and releases endorphins. If running is your absolute least favorite thing to do, try biking. Or yoga. Or swimming. Or power walking. Or barre method (ouch). IN SUMMARY if you cannot run do something else. AND BONUS–it’s good for your figure. Hottie.
12. Find out the “why it won’t work” answer.
There is ALWAYS reason why it did not work out. And sometimes…it’s really hard to see. Take this time and really think about why the relationship ended, and not just from his point of view. If you ended the relationship, this answer might not be so hard. But it’s very difficult to think about when you were on the receiving end (boo). Try asking yourself these questions…
Could you be yourself around them? What did you fight about? What were the nature of those fights? Did you enjoy being around their family and friends, and vice versa? Did you share the same goals or direction in life? We could go on and on. The key is to be aware, understand, and accept your differences in order to move forward.
13. Write out the qualities you DO want in a partner.
Now hold on, before you judge us for putting this on our breakup to-do list. This is NOT the ridiculous notion that if you write it, it will magically appear. This is definitely more of an exercise than a promise. Just humor us, and write it out. Funny? Check. Smarts? Check. Manners? Hopefully. Okay, now rank all of your desired qualities. All of them. What comes up first? Why?! What’s last?
You’ll find that you most likely have three categories: Non-negotiable, negotiable, and I-just-don’t-care. For example, one of my non-negotiable qualities is ambition. It’s top of the list. I HAVE to be with a person who values ambition in both of us. My middle of the list negotiable? Where I live. Sure, I’ll go to Texas…California…but NOT Maine (It’s too cold and I’m a wimp). My I-just-don’t-care didn’t even make the list? Taste in music. Listen to what you like, I’ll listen to what I like, it doesn’t matter to me.
As you create a list of your negotiables and non-negotiables, you learn about YOU. What you need, what you like, and where you are flexible. Plus, you’ll probably have a very clear view as to why it didn’t work out with anyone before. Previous relationships help us create our boundaries, our likes, and our dislikes. They are not to be regretted, but to be respected. You have grown from them, and your list of priorities reflects that.
Again, I’m not promising that your list exists in real life, but I am sure you can get pretty dang close. You don’t have to date everyone who shows interest. Maybe they meet your standards, maybe they don’t.
14. Hire a Therapist or Life Coach
Do not try to go through this alone. For real. If you’ve reached this bullet point and are still struggling – then it’s time to call in the professionals. There is no shame in that. You hire a personal trainer to get you fit, a hairstylist to keep you lookin’ fly, and go to the doctor and dentist to keep you healthy. So why not hire a life coach to help amplify your happiness? The benefits of life coaching are endless – and one of the main takeaways is we help you get over people who no longer serve you. Finding a life coach used to be tough, but we at Blush offer memberships from master’s level professionals starting at $99/mo. Come join us!