9 Benefits of Setting Boundaries

Let’s talk about the benefits of setting boundaries. But, before we go into the benefits…what exactly is a boundary?

A boundary is an imaginary line that separates your body, feelings, thoughts, needs, and responsibilities from others.

They can come in many different forms, but are typically put in place to protect yourself from poor treatment or situations. In its simplest form, boundaries are one word: “No.” But they can become much more complex than that, such as “I will not stay at the office past 6pm for my own mental health,” or “I will unfollow people on social media who bring up my feelings of insecurity” or “I will not stay in friendships or relationships with people who disrespect me.” 

Typically when you set a boundary, it has to happen more than once. The best way to know if a healthy boundary has been set, is to see how fiercely people push back. The stronger the pushback, the more necessary the boundary. 

While boundaries are definitely not easy to set, the rewards and benefits that come with them make boundaries more than worth it. Read more about nine benefits of setting boundaries:

1. Setting Boundaries Means You’re an Actual Adult

The most obvious benefit of setting boundaries is not having to do the things you don’t want to do, so you can do things you do want to do. Even if that means doing nothing.

Being an adult is hard enough. We have to constantly think about paying bills, to-do lists, performing at work, taking care of whatever critters back at home, being nice to strangers, and not getting abducted walking to the grocery store (wait, that’s just women!). But you get the point.

So the L A S T thing we want to do is take over some bullshit committee at work, arrive early to a dog’s birthday party to help set up, or write some unpaid article “for exposure.” We just don’t have the time or energy for it. And frankly, even if we DID, that doesn’t mean we need to be jumping out of our seat for every favor someone asks of us. We don’t need a reason. We are fully functioning adults with agency and we can spend our time HOWEVER we LIKE.

But we forget that rule! Like, every day!

So next time you’re thinking about setting a boundary and feel a bit iffy about it – remember that you’re a full blown adult. And you can do whatever the fuck you want.

2. Boundaries Protect Your Energy

Ok so if the whole “I’m a Big Girl Now” logic didn’t quite stick with you, I’ve got another one for you.

When you continuously jump through hoops for others, you leave little to no time to energy for yourself. And you need time and energy. You need time and energy to do house chores, you need time and energy to play with fur babies…(or actual babies)…you need time and energy for your job so you don’t get fired, and you need time and energy for your friends/family/spouse.

So if my math is correct…you need a lot of time and energy.

Which means you can’t be giving it away all willy nilly! No ma’am! You have to be really selective!

Creating boundaries with others protects you from totally depleting your energy before using it up on things you actually need in your life. You need to be present for people and you need to take care of yourself. You don’t need to listen to a neighbor vent about their grandchildren’s poor decision choices for an hour.

3. Boundaries Reduce Resentment

We all know what it feels like to be taken advantage of. It’s the actual worst.

Not only do you feel betrayed by someone you trusted who completely abused the relationship, but you also feel pretty stupid for getting yourself into this situation in the first place. Very rarely do you not have a hand in getting yourself trapped into a thankless dynamic. You are responsible for deciding how you spend your time, and when you say “yes” to a small thing…and another thing…and oh yeah, that other thing…people start to think you have all the time in the world. Or that you’re super woman. Or that you don’t sleep. So they keep piling it on. And then eventually, you grow pretty freaking resentful that you are even involved in whatever it is in the first place.

So let’s avoid those situations, yeah?

It’s really easy to do so, too. Whenever someone asks you to do something you don’t want to do, just say no.

That’s all. It’s pretty easy.

Don’t worry, you won’t turn everything down. There are plenty of people and plenty of events and plenty of situations where you’ll actually want to help out! I promise. We are all surrounded with enough inspirational causes and humans that lending our time or energy will feel like an honor instead of a burden. The important thing is that you are taking pause to THINK about how your time and energy are being spent.

When take the time to decipher whether or not something sounds enjoyable/honorable/exciting/rewarding, then we feel a sense of control. We feel power in our decision. When we don’t, however, we can easily feel resentful. For instance, if a relative of yours is in the hospital and someone asks you to visit them, you’d probably say yes. Not because trips to the hospital are your secret guilty pleasure, but because you want to be there for someone. Being a good person to others makes us feel good about ourselves. Trust yourself to make the right call in the moment, because when you actually take a second to think things over, you’re going to realize it’s SO EASY to make the right call. It’s just a bit harder to say no.

But you gotta do it. Otherwise, you’re going to become resentful as hell. Resentment is essentially cyanide to any functioning relationship. It will poison everything in its path, and you will lose so much more than you anticipated. So don’t let resentment take over. Set the boundary instead.

4. Boundaries Let You Show Up For The People You Love

We all have those people we would do ANYTHING for, and when the time comes, we’re so excited to be able to show them how much we love them. But the problem occurs when we have too much on our plate, and aren’t really able to be there for them because we’ve promised ourselves away earlier. So in order to create space for the people who deserve it, we need to set boundaries across the board.

I’m going to take it even a step further.

In my humble (not really humble) opinion, I think it’s better to OVER set boundaries than to under set boundaries. That way, if you are all rested up with some time on your hands, you can call up whoever you need to and volunteer your time. Otherwise, if you under set your boundaries, you’re going to show up for the people in your life tired and drained – or worse – not show up at all and make the situation even worse.

I can tell by the way you’re cringing that you’ve totally done that before. Tsk tsk.

So by over setting your boundaries, you surprise people with your generosity instead of causing additional stress and anxiety by letting them down at the last minute. I mean, think about it: Would you rather be a superhero, or an unrelia