The early stages of relationships can be so much fun.
Dinner, dancing, texting, flirting, kissing….awww. It’s just the best. You’re so excited you can hardly see straight, right!? Yep. And that’s the problem. You can hardly see straight – so you miss those red flags in relationships.
We get it. It’s super easy to miss those red flags in the early stages of relationships–instead of looking out for those bright indicators that things aren’t what we think they are, we view the world with rosy colored lenses and let anything suspicious pass us by. But girls, red flags are NOT just for decoration. There are always signs that a relationship isn’t really what it’s cracked up to be, and that is why we are here! We help you find them.
We don’t want you to have to turn into a detective every time you start dating someone new, so we have compiled the basic warning signs that something is not right. So read these over, and remember them the next time you feel like something in your new, blissful relationship is a bit…off. Red flags in relationships are not to be dismissed. So promise us you will watch out for them, or else we’ll look out for them for you.
1. They Build Desire For Himself
These people use the basic principles of economics—supply and demand— to ensure that they are always needed. It might be manipulative, but at some point or another, it’s probably fooled all of us.
It’s simple, really. There is only one of them running around (the supply), so they create an insane amount of demand to make it seem like they are one hot commodity. They restrict time, affection, love, or dates in order to get you to see that they are in CRAZY levels of demand. My personal favorite is the person who openly flirts or texts other humans while you two are dating to get you to see that they are wanted. What a sweetheart.
So why do they do this? Well, they are trying to show you that they are someone worth fighting/waiting/pining for (just like you stood in line to get Ferbie for Christmas when you were 9). Everyone wants to be someone worth fighting for, right? But the majority of us prove that we have self worth by being a nice human being, not by dangling our goodies in front of somebody else and then taking them away for fun. But right before you decide “ugh, this isn’t worth it,” they make sure you know that YOU are Queen Bee! You are the one who gets the lucky prize of being the CHOSEN ONE! Lucky you!!
But, you don’t get all of it. No way. Too valuable. And they make sure you know that as well.
There are probably plenty of reasons for this behavior–low self-esteem, trust issues, narcissism…but honestly that’s not really relevant, and you aren’t going to be the one to solve it for them. You’re already “in” it. You can’t see the full gravity of what’s happening.
And PS—once you’re in, it’s very difficult to climb your way out. We understand. However, this quest for attention, compliments, and love will never end. Not because you aren’t fabulous, but because their thirst for love will only be quenched via self work and self-acceptance. And that is not your job. That isn’t even our job. That’s their job.
So please, please, please, the next time you see the ole supply and demand trick in full swing, sell your stocks and get the hell out.
2. They’re Self Centered
When they ask you a question, are they really wanting to know the answer? Or are they simply waiting for their turn? If you hesitated for ONE second, you’re toast.
Self-centered people can’t help but put their own happiness first. And you know, it’s totally fine if their happiness is really important to them. But yours should be, too.
These are the people who assume that whatever constitutes a rocking Thursday night for them, will also mean you are on cloud 9, too. Do they think about what you like to do? Who you like to see? What makes you feel excited? Or is it their world, and you’re just living in it?
It’s normal for there to be compromise in relationships, but it’s not normal for one mentality to rule the entire dynamic. Make sure there is a give and take, or else you might be dating someone who has their head shoved so far up their butt, that they doesn’t even remember you’re there.
3. They Don’t Invite You Out
Let’s just for one second pretend that the person in question is a dude.
The second a guy kisses a girl for the first time, he can no longer use the ‘girls have coodies‘ bit to justify never wanting to actually hang around girls. It’s complete bullshit. Women are a great hang, and while sure – we like our girl time, the idea that a guy never wants to hang out with his girlfriend with his friends is straight up insane.
In fact, let’s play a game. The last time you saw a group of guys hanging out, what happened?
Let us guess. They came over and approached the girls to hang. Right?
While they were probably approaching a group of females to hit on them – there is a strong chance not ALL of them were on a mission and some struck up completely acceptable platonic conversations.
…Which is why it’s WEIRD that your pseudo boyfriend is not asking you to hang out with him and his friends routinely.
You bring something to the table. Obviously. You are a fun person and you get along with others. Even if you don’t want to go to every event your partner wishes to attend, an invite is probably expected, right? You want them to meet and hang around your friends, they want you to meet and hang around their friends. So yes, if they’re not inviting you out with them to weddings, birthday parties, special events, or for a random outing of Top Golf…the jig is up.
4. He Feeling Shames You
So let’s say they have done a few dumb things, but if you really think about it, you could rationalize most of them. But then…something happens that you can’t quite get your mind around. It’s the straw that breaks the camel’s back. So you scrape up the courage to talk to them about it. You explain your feelings as calmly as you possibly can, and hope for the best.
And then he shames you for it.
There are so many names we could use to describe the person who does this, but we digress. The point is, it’s not okay. You deserve to be heard, validated, and understood. Sure, you might want to work on your delivery (that’s what we are here for!), but you should at least be able to explain how you feel without feeling completely stupid for it. In fact, you should be proud of yourself for having the guts to be honest. And shame on them for making you second guess it! Feelings are not crazy, feelings are just feelings.
So yeah….we’re gonna call flag on the play. PERSONAL FOUL.
5. He Talks Down To You
You know this person. We all know this person. Hopefully though, you aren’t dating this person. They’re the one who talks to you in that condescending tone whenever you do anything wrong. You know, the sexist tone, that subliminally says, “poor stupid girl, you just don’t know any better!”
They also like to criticize you for making “dumb” choices, like picking the wrong movie or ordering fries instead of a salad.
It can be hard to detect these people, because a lot of us give them the “macho guy ” pass. We say, “oh, we want a guy’s guy!” Someone with hair on their chest, someone who can throw a football 50 yards no problem, someone who can chug a beer at a moment’s notice. Sure, those can be attractive qualities to some girls, but none of them have literally anything to do with being a sexist butthead.
All of you are absolutely allowed to date the star quarterback or the burly hunter, as long as he respects you and treats you well. If you detect an inch of sexism or condescension, Blush considers that a red flag. No wiggle room! So be on the look out…k?
Ok girls, good luck out there!
We completely trust that you will find the right match for you–as long as you pay attention to those red flags hiding out in the beginning! If you’re having trouble figuring out what’s a red flag and what’s just a silly mistake, we are here to help. Our coaches are trained professionals who happen to be experts in this field. Come hang out with us and we will get everything sorted out with you!