The early stages of relationships can be so much fun.
Dinner, dancing, texting, flirting, kissing….awww. It’s just the best. You’re so excited you can hardly see straight, right!? Yep. And that’s the problem. You can hardly see straight – so you miss those red flags in relationships.
We get it. It’s super easy to miss those red flags in the early stages of relationships–instead of looking out for those bright indicators that things aren’t what we think they are, we view the world with rosy colored lenses and let anything suspicious pass us by. But girls, red flags are NOT just for decoration. There are always signs that a relationship isn’t really what it’s cracked up to be, and that is why we are here! We help you find them.
We don’t want you to have to turn into a detective every time you start dating someone new, so we have compiled the basic warning signs that something is not right. So read these over, and remember them the next time you feel like something in your new, blissful relationship is a bit…off. Red flags in relationships are not to be dismissed. So promise us you will watch out for them, or else we’ll look out for them for you.
1. He Builds Desire For Himself
These guys use the basic principles of economics—supply and demand— to ensure that they are always needed. It might be manipulative, but at some point or another, it’s probably fooled all of us.
It’s simple, really. There is only one of them running around (the supply), so they create an insane amount of demand to make it seem like they are one hot commodity. They restrict time, affection, love, or dates in order to get you to see that they are in CRAZY levels of demand. My personal favorite is the guy who openly flirts or texts other girls while you two are dating to get you to see that he is wanted. He’s just the best.
So why do they do this? Well, they are trying to show you that they are someone worth fighting/waiting/pining for (just like you stood in line to get Ferbie for Christmas when you were 9). Everyone wants to be someone worth fighting for, right? But the majority of us prove that we have self worth by being a nice human being, not by dangling our goodies in front of somebody else and then taking them away for fun. But right before you decide “ugh, this isn’t worth it,” they make sure you know that YOU are Queen Bee! You are the one who gets the lucky prize of being the GIRLFRIEND! Lucky you!!
But, you don’t get all of it. No way. Too valuable. And he makes sure you know that as well.
There are probably plenty of reasons for this behavior–low self-esteem, trust issues, narcissism…but honestly that’s not really relevant, and you aren’t going to be the one to solve it for him. You’re already “in” it. You can’t see the full gravity of what’s happening. And PS—once you’re in, it’s very difficult to climb your way out. We understand. However, this quest for attention, compliments, and love will never end. Not because you aren’t fabulous, but because his thirst for love will only be quenched via self work and self-acceptance. And that is not your job. That isn’t even our job. That’s his job.
So please, please, please, the next time you see the ole supply and demand trick in full swing, sell your stocks and get the hell out.
2. He’s Self Centered
When he asks you a question, is he really wanting to know the answer? Or is he simply waiting for his turn? If you hesitated for ONE second, you’re toast.
Self-centered guys can’t help but put their own happiness first. And you know, it’s totally fine if his happiness is really important to him. But yours should be, too. These are the guys who assume that whatever constitutes a rocking Thursday night for them, will also mean you are on cloud 9, too. Does he think about what you like to do? Who you like to see? What makes you feel excited? Or is it all cigars, golf, cigars, hunting, beer….and more cigars? Ew.
It’s normal for there to be compromise in relationships, but it’s not normal for one mentality to rule the entire dynamic. Make sure there is a give and take, or else you might be dating someone who has their head shoved so far up his butt, that he doesn’t even remember you’re there.
3. He Doesn’t Invite You Out
The second a guy kisses a girl for the first time, he can no longer use the ‘girls have coodies’ bit to justify never wanting to actually hang around girls. He finally has to admit that girls are awesome. AWESOME. Yes, yes, we know, guys need their bromances just as much as we need our precious girl time. But let us ask you this: the last time you saw a group of guys in their 20’s hanging out, what happened?
Let us guess. They came over and approached the girls to hang. Right?
Right. Because girls don’t have coodies. Girls have much better things. And guys want to be around girls. Just like girls want to be around guys. We have finally reached the age of maturity where it’s totally normal for the opposite sexes to want to hang out together. We actually enjoy each others’ company and respect each others’ opinions!
…Which is why it’s WEIRD that your pseudo boyfriend is not asking you to hang out with him and his friends routinely.
You bring something to the table. Obviously. You are a fun person and you get along with others. Even if you don’t want to go to every event your boyfriend wishes to attend, an invite is probably expected, right? You want him to meet and hang around your friends, he wants you to meet and hang around his friends. So yes, if he’s not inviting you out with him to weddings, birthday parties, special events, or for a random outing of Top Golf…the jig is up. Bro time isn’t THAT awesome. Trust us.
4. He Feeling Shames You
So let’s say he’s done a few dumb things, but if you really think about it, you could rationalize most of them. But then…something happens that you can’t quite get your mind around. It’s the straw that breaks the camel’s back. So you scrape up the courage to talk to him about it. You explain your feelings as calmly as you possibly can, and hope for the best.
And then he shames you for it. Ouch.
There are so many names we could use to describe the guy who does this, but we digress. The point is, it’s not ok. You deserve to be heard, validated, and understood. Sure, you might want to work on your delivery (that’s what we are here for!), but you should at least be able to explain how you feel without feeling completely stupid for it. In fact, you should be proud of yourself for having the guts to be honest. And shame on him for making you second guess it! Feelings are not crazy, feelings are just feelings.
So yeah….we’re gonna call flag on the play. PERSONAL FOUL.
5. He Talks Down To You
You know this guy. We all know this guy. Hopefully though, you aren’t dating this guy. He’s the one who talks to you in that condescending tone whenever you do anything wrong. You know, the sexist tone, that subliminally says, “poor stupid girl, you just don’t know any better!” He also likes to criticize you for making “dumb” choices, like picking the wrong movie or ordering fries instead of a salad. You will never be his equal, because he’s a guy. And unless you grow a penis over night, this dynamic probably won’t change.
It can be hard to detect these guys, because a lot of us girls give them the “macho guy ” pass. We say, “oh, we want a guy’s guy!” Someone with hair on their chest, someone who can throw a football 50 yards no problem, someone who can chug a beer at a moment’s notice. Sure, those can be attractive qualities to some girls, but none of them have literally anything to do with being a sexist butthead.
All of you are absolutely allowed to date the star quarterback or the burly hunter, as long as he respects you and treats you well. If you detect an inch of sexism or condescension, Blush considers that a red flag. No wiggle room! So be on the look out…k?
Ok girls, good luck out there!
We completely trust that you will find the right match for you–as long as you pay attention to those red flags hiding out in the beginning! If you’re having trouble figuring out what’s a red flag and what’s just a silly mistake, we are here to help. Our coaches are trained professionals who happen to be experts in this field. Come hang out with us and we will get everything sorted out with you!