OK SISTERS!!!!! I recently bought a shirt that says “I’m cool but I cry a lot” and felt the need to share my thoughts on why and how we need to stop apologizing for crying.
Think of the last time you cried in public or with other people in the room… what did you do?
If you’re like most, you probably said sorry as you wiped your tears from your face and shoved that emotion deep down back where it “belongs”… which is honestly the norm that I see nowadays. Whether its friends, family, clients, or even myself sometimes, I’ve noticed that the moment your eyes fill up with tears, the apologizing soon follows.
MY QUESTION IS WHY????
Why do we feel the need to apologize for feeling sad?
Let’s unpack that a little.
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I’m sure you’ve all experienced it at some point, but society has a tendency to oppress negative emotions, whether its anger, jealousy, fear, or sadness. It’s all about being uncomfortable with the uncomfortable. With these tendencies so embedded into societal norms, it makes sense as to why we would apologize for shedding a tear or two… or twelve.
These societal norms make us believe that for the sake of others, we should avoid crying because crying is “a sign of weakness” and we need to be considerate of not making other people “uncomfortable” with our emotions… BARF. I can’t even type that sentence without getting mad.
I can remember one time I had a difficult week in grad school and cried to one of my professors and spent the next minute apologizing for the tears. She looked at me and asked me, “why are you apologizing?” and I said I wasn’t sure.
She then asked me what I thought when my clients began to cry during session. I told her that I viewed my crying clients as brave and being strong for sitting in a place of vulnerability… she then asked why I didn’t give myself the same courtesy I gave my client and it totally changed my perspective on crying. BOOM. Just like that… MIND BLOWN.
We apologize because society says crying is uncomfortable and we don’t want whoever is around us while we are crying to feel uncomfortable or awkward. BUT WE NEED TO CHANGE THAT AND IT STARTS HERE MY BLUSH BABES.
Being vulnerable is BRAVE – NOT WEAK. It is something to be admired and celebrated. If someone feels uncomfortable because you cry, that is THEIR PROBLEM – NOT YOURS. Their reaction tells a lot about them and absolutely nothing about you.
It’s time to start EXPRESSING ALL OF YOUR EMOTIONS AND OWNING THEM WHEN YOU DO – regardless if they are positive, neutral, or negative emotions. Let yourself feel all the feels because you deserve it to be true, genuine, and authentic with yourself.
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I FREAKING LOVE TO CRY.
It’s cathartic for me and I feel SO relieved afterwards. So I’m gonna shout from these imaginary Blush mountain tops that I LOVE TO CRY AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME.
Let’s go a step further and talk about how a lot of people respond to crying by saying “Aw, don’t cry” – I. CAN’T. EVEN.
Example – your boyfriend just broke up with you and you are devastated. You invite your bestie over for a girls night (AKA pizza, ice cream, wine, and a rom-com) and your feelings hit you like an 18-wheeler and without hesitation, you start to cry. You’re bestie responds by hugging you and saying “Aw, babe don’t cry”.
In that moment, your bestie is trying to comfort you and doesn’t want to see you sad and crying BUT the message you receive is that it’s not safe to cry and be vulnerable in this moment. So you swallow those feelings back down and spend the rest of the night fighting your real emotions.
THIS HAS GOT TO CHANGE and it starts with YOU!!!!!!!
In the example above, I would’ve loved to see the bestie respond to the tears by saying “I am so sorry… you’re heartbroken and devastated over this. It’s okay to cry and I’m here with you… I’m not going anywhere”
SO MUCH BETTER RIGHT????
I challenge you to pay attention to your emotions and your reactions to your emotions and the emotions of others.
Stop running from the negative emotions because it only comes to bite you in the butt later… be the strong and brave girl I know you are!!!
ALSO I think everyone should watch this Ted Talk by Brene Brown about the power of VULNERABILITY!!!!!! ITS AMAZING AND SHE IS MY IDOL.
To end this post, I want to encourage you to go out there and buy a box of tissues.
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You can even have a fun self-care night and decorate the box with paint, stickers, crystals, magazine cut outs… whatever you want. AND then let that tissue box be a reminder that is it OKAY to cry.
Just like Rachel Hollis says, GIRL, STOP APOLOGIZING.
We do not need to apologize for expressing our emotions. It’s healthy.
YOU GOT THIS SISTER. I am so proud of you for continuing this journey of self-growth with me. Like every mom in America says…You’re doing great sweetie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!