Conflict is a necessary evil in life. All of us must deal with it at some point or another if we want to have thriving, healthy, and honest relationships. In fact – a lack of conflict can be a signal for apathy in a relationship. If there’s no conflict whatsoever, there’s probably no intimacy, either. Therefore – it’s crucial to learn how to handle conflict so it doesn’t handle you or your relationships.
If you’re more of a video person – not to worry. Coach Elise recorded her five tips on how to handle conflict as part of her Five Tip Friday series. I’ve included it below so you can give it a view, or you can keep reading to learn more about how to handle conflict!
Accept Conflict Happens
Whenever conflict arises, there’s no need to consider it a mark of death to a relationship. Conflict is inevitable, and at times unavoidable. Typically it’s a sign of two parties *caring* about the relationship – not the other way around.
So take conflict as a chance to grow. Think of it as an opportunity to practice openness, honesty, vulnerability, and connection within your relationship. This is your chance to really hear about someone else’s point of view – even if it is in direct opposition to yours. Conflict opens up old wounds and brings clarity to many situations. The more you can frame conflict as an opportunity – instead of a burden – the less detrimental it will be to your life. Because otherwise, if your strategy on how to handle conflict is essentially going to battle – you’re going to lose way too many relationships over something that could have been easily mended.
Use “I Statements”
When managing conflict, be sure to state your feelings open and honestly. Do not beat around the bush – and do not try to blame others for your feelings. Your feelings are yours, and yours alone. No one can “make” you feel a certain way. But, if you choose to bury your feelings and conceal them from the other party, you’re way less likely to find common ground.
One of Elise’s favorite strategies for how to handle conflict is to use “I Statements.” These are messages that center yourself within your feelings and leave little opportunity for someone else to feel defensive. Here is an example below:
“I felt frustrated and ignored when that decision was made for our family without me.”
Use this formula as an example:
“I feel _____ when/because ______.”
Notice there’s no “you” in that statement? None at all.
That’s because when you center someone ELSE in the argument, you are assigning blame. And blame never helped anyone.
So focus on how *you* feel. The more accurate you get when describing your feelings, the quicker the conflict will melt right in front of your cute little faces. Be vulnerable. Be okay with admitting that something hurt your feelings – and don’t be ashamed to say it out loud. The more honest you can be with the other person, the easier it will be to untangle the conflict and move forward in a happy direction. And who knows? Perhaps once you’re honest, the situation won’t ever happen again.
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