THE DTR: DEFINE THE RELATIONSHIP
D. T. R. Three small letters that can make even the strongest of men wet their pants at the beginning of a relationship. But fear not, Blush humans…we have you covered. After talking to one of our dear Blush boys, (who happens to be fabulous), we realized this phase is the crappiest of all when it comes to relationships. I mean, if he’s confused, we’re all freakin’ doomed. So, for all of you budding lovers out there, we have your guide to figuring out exactly how to handle this stress ball of a situation. Go ahead, breathe deep, and accept the the inevitable.
Girls & guys, it’s time to define the relationship.
UGH…But Is This Reallyyyy Necessary?
YES. It’s necessary. I know so many of us are all like “but we don’t have to say it, because it’s understood! We just KNOWWWW ya know??
Nope. We don’t.
C’mon, guys. Setting boundaries in relationships is probably filed somewhere under LE DUH 101. If you don’t clearly state your expectations, and vice versa, you are about to Ross and Rachel all over yourself. Think about it. If one of you thinks you are “dating” while the other thinks you are in a “serious relationship,” guess which one of you is going to get burned next Friday night because SOMEBODAY already has a date?
Our advice: suck it up, realize that even though you hate the idea of DTR’s you’re still going to have a DTR, and keep reading.
Ok FINE, So When Do I Do It?
Err. Ok so this one is a bit tricky. We like to tell our girls that there is always a delicate balance between almost being there, and then being so there that you’re already googling engagement bling (that goes for girls AND guys…). The issue is, you don’t want to do it too early or it feels a bit suffocating and desperate. But, you don’t want to do it too late, or else things get awkward. And insecure. And other uncomfortable feelings.
Here is our checklist to figure out if you’re ready or not:
–You see each other EVERY weekend (unless one of you fools has a bachelor(ette) party)
–You attend weddings together as dates….if a plus one is extended.
–You see each other during daylight hours (BIG ONE, GUYZ)
–You’ve told your parents a little somethin-somethin about you having a boo, and hopefully vice versa.
–You see each other during the week….PLANNED. No, run-ins do not count. Sorry.
–Dates last longer than two full hours.
–You have inside jokes.
–You have met each other’s friends (or at least have tried, some of you have super flaky friends)
–You text during the day.
If you meet most of this criteria, we’d say you’re in good shape.
3. But…Like…What the #(@*$& Do I Say?
So…after passing the DTR test, most of you just went from a mini celebration to a puddle of sweaty fear. Yes….it’s time my friend. Deep. Long. Breaths.
Ok, so how do you broach the topic? Well, just like organic foods are way better for your figure, organic conversations are way better for your relationship. Don’t overthink these things. Yes, it’s important, but the answer probably doesn’t rely on your perfect remake of good ole George’s “Check Yes or No.” They feel how they feel–so your only job is to put it on the table in a non-creepy way.
Try this out: whenever couply things come up (“those two are so cute together!”….”one day I’ll take you to see that place I was talking about!”….), try introducing the topic of the two of you as a couple. Y’all already flirt about the future, so why not actually bring it up? It’s not scary, it’s normal.
Awkward Personal Note: I think my boyfriend said something to the extent of “I want you to be my girlfriend” while handing me some cliche mixology drink (think ginger infused mezcal) at an uber hipster bar in Austin. And…that was it.
SMOOTH, DUDE. But hey, it worked.
So….just be authentic. Say what you want. Don’t be afraid to tell someone else how you are feeling. Chew on this wise nugget: life is ALL about AIRTIME. If you are receiving the majority of someone else’s free time, chances are they really like you. Our lives are too dang busy for that not to be the case. So suck in that air of confidence, and go for it.
Good luck guys!
Need some one-on-one time to figure the rest out?
Awesome blossom, you’re at the right place. Sign up for a membership here and we’ll life coach your way into relationship bliss. Yay.