How to Break the Marriage Norms
We all read that Huffpo piece.
You know, the one where the guy was like “marriage isn’t for me, it’s really about you, and I totally tricked you into reading this, because you thought it was going to be all radical and stuff.”
Don’t worry, we read it too. But it got Blush thinking, what about the girl who we thought that article was intended for? The who girl actually doesn’t want to get married? Not everybody gets the wedding bug. Not every relationship feels the need to follow the traditional path. Maybe one day you want to get married, but just not right now. Whatever the case may be, Blush doesn’t care what you choose! We just want you to be happy. For all of you girls out there who aren’t quite sure marriage is your thang, this one’s for you.
1. Normal Is A Cycle On The Washing Machine
Kids, cover your eyes, because Blush is about to say something C R A Z Y.
Normal is a phony.
Yep. Just like Santa. (Oops, now we really did it.)
You’re not normal, your friends aren’t normal, your coworkers aren’t normal, Ellen’s not normal normal—nothing, and we mean nothing, is normal. And c’mon now, if something on this Earth was going to be normal, it sure wouldn’t be weddings. Think about it.
- junebugweddings.com
Don’t get us wrong, the tradition can be pretty awesome. And it’s not like avoiding marriage is normal either. It just might not be for you.
So, in conclusion: everyone loses because no one is normal, and you might as well do what makes you happy. If you don’t believe in getting married, then that is YOUR normal. Period dot the end.
2. Resist Pressure & Set Boundaries
We’ve all heard it. “You’re next, my dear!”
No. I’m not.
I’m sure your reaction to this standard statement ranges from mild annoyance to infuriated outrage on any given day. And you have a right to feel that way. So, when others are pressuring you to take the plunge, we have a response for you.
“While I am so happy for {random couple name}, getting married will not make me any happier.”
Sweet and simple. One cannot argue that premise. You have the right to live the way you wish, and you have the right to choose what makes you happy.
3. Let Them Judge
Remember our blog “Life According to the Roosevelt’s”? It’s a total must-read, but beyond that, it includes one of our favorite Ellie Roosevelt quotes:
“Do what you feel in your heart to be right, for you’ll be criticized anyway”
Ah-may-zing. Think about it. If you’re dating someone and you get married now, some will think it’s way too soon. If you get married later, some will gossip about what took you so long. If you’re single, people may comment that something is wrong with you. If you’re dating around, some may say you’re not being lady-like. If you’re in a relationship, you may hear: “you’re tied down,” “you haven’t seen what’s out there,” or the original, “you haven’t gotten to know yourself.”
You cannot and will not get it right by others’ standards. So do it your way. Get married, don’t get married, whatever! Embrace the judgment. Be brave enough to be yourself.
4. Be Open to Compromise
What if you aren’t all about marriage, but your partner is? Oh, dear. Time for a talk.
Don’t scare yourself silly now, this won’t be so bad. Talk to your partner about why marriage is important to them, what marriage means to them, and about their expectations. Then, talk about yours. What do both of you think will change? What will stay the same? What are the values that both of you intertwine with marriage? So many things to explore! A life coach’s dream!
Remember, as much as being true to you is a top priority, so is compromise. Maybe you’re not into the glam and glitz of the wedding industry, but you aren’t appalled by the idea of going to the court house. Or, maybe crowds freak you out, but eloping sounds do-able. Find common ground, and try to honor it as best you can without sacrificing your values.
5. Celebrate How You See Fit
Just because you may ditch the marriage tradition, doesn’t mean you have to give up everything else. You are still allowed to throw baby showers, celebrate anniversaries, and have fun at other couples’ weddings. This isn’t a catch-all deal. And, for those of you who are attached, celebrating your own relationship shouldn’t be off the table either! Throw a “We Just Opened a Joint Checking Account” party, or an “I’m Not Sick Of You Yet” dinner! I mean heck, why not? You get to choose what parties you can and cannot throw, and if people aren’t cool with it, then they don’t get free cake.
Blush loves you no matter what you decide (as long as we’re invited to your parties). Blush you!
Did some of this hit close to home? Sign up for Blush coaching today to work through breaking the marriage mold!
