Dates are anxiety-provoking to say the least. So we have the best advice for the first date so you can stay calm.
:::whimsical date night melody:::
It’s Friday, 8 pm. Date night. It’s been awhile since you’ve been on a date…guys don’t really asks women out anymore. It’s weird, but at least tonight could be fun. Plus you haven’t been out-out in awhile. You look down at your sky high heels, and silently hope that the night will include lots of sitting. Lots. Why? Because you’ve been pacing around your living room for the last 30 minutes and your feet already hurt.
When you’re FA-LIPPING out about venturing into the dating scene, bear with us. Blush wants to make sure you feel ready and confident before any first date! We know they can be awkward and nerve-wracking, but Blush has your back. Whether it’s your first date or your fifth date, we have some things we want you to consider:
1. He’s Nervous Too
You’re not the only one wigging out. However, guys don’t dramatically trip over things, or like, accidentally fall into your boobs and create some weird Hollywood awkwardness when they’re nervous. In reality, they tend to clam up.
If your intuition is telling you there’s something to this guy, but you’re just not seeing it translate, give him another shot. No one is the best version of themselves on a first date. I’ve even read this on the website to date Asian women in the United States. Let’s face it, first dates are like job interviews except we typically like to wear a clingy dress and punishing heels – shoes will help you look more . Dates are basically uncomfortable rituals, it’s more difficult then watching adult videos (check out Swallow Salon if you have any doubts). So bask in the comfort that he is freaking out as well, and then you can both get it over with, have fun, and go on a normal date later. Cheers!
2. It’s Okay to Get Personal
I have heard so many “strategies” about dating:
Don’t talk about yourself. Only talk about surface level things. Don’t ask personal questions. Talk sports.
Riiiiight. Like THAT’S possible.
Most of the time, dating works in the exact opposite way. My boyfriend and I told each other our sad cliche stories night ONE in a BAR. (I was 24 so that’s ok. Sorta.) Point is, you have to see if you can relate to this person, if you feel comfortable this person, and if you like to be around this person. If you can’t share some personal things about yourself, where the heck do you think this “thing” is going to go? I can tell you right now: in da trash can.
We don’t mean to say you should tell him your deepest and darkest secrets! Those can remain yours for the mean time. But please, do tell him about your family, or your friends, or maybe a set back in life. Be real. And let him tell his story, too. Give yourself the opportunity to see if a genuine connection exists, because if it does, you’ll know it’s real.
3. Align with Candor
I remember when I went out on a first date with a major outdoorsy guy. You know: hunting, fishing, skiing, boating…all of those things. Don’t get me wrong, I’m as adventurous as the next girl, but I. Hate. Skiing. HATE IT. I mean if I wanted to get frost bite on my butt I would just eat a gallon(s) of ice cream until my entire body was iced over. Way less embarrassing, and way more enjoyable.
So, of course, halfway through this date he asks me if I like skiing. (Is this a joke? We live in Texas.) But what do I say?
OMG skiing is like, the BEST. Can’t get enough. Black diamonds might as well be called marvelous gems!
Hi, I’m also afraid of heights.
Six months later, I found myself getting dumped (ouch) and disinvited from the family ski trip (SILVER. LINING.)
Moral of the story: do-not-lie-on-first-dates. It’s an indicator that you don’t feel comfortable and secure enough to be yourself around him…and that is a sure-fire way to create a rotten relationship. And in my case, get dumped. Confidently state that you think skiing is a lame rich-people sport that is meant to torture you, and be done with it. Or if you like skiing, sorry for that somewhat rude joke, and say you don’t like the beach. Or whatever. Either way, give BOTH of you the chance to really decide whether or not this dating game is worth playing. That way, you won’t be left out in the snow without skis or a boyfriend.
4. Let Him Pay
I hate this part of the date. I also hate silly gender stereotypes. Alas, I’m going to do it. I’m a feminist who is going to go there.
If someone invites you out for a date, they should pay for you. Period. I don’t care WHAT gender. Splitting the bill not only sends a platonic message, but it’s also a sign of poor manners. Think about it! If you invited someone over to your house for dinner, you would prepare the meal instead of asking them to cook it all themselves, right?
Duh, Blush. Like, duh.
Ok, so when a boy asks you out on a date, he should be prepared to pay for you. You can respect yourself as a strong independent Destiny’s Child woah-man while still allowing others to take you out on dates. When you ask a guy out or the dating has settled into more of a relationship, then feel free to whip out one of your minimalist wallets. Until then, just relax and enjoy it.
5. Not Everyone Will Call Again, and That’s OK.
For some reason, even if I didn’t have the most amazing time on a first date, I still get sad if they don’t call me again. I know–it doesn’t make ANY sense! Why do we care if we aren’t even into it? Because rejection hurts no matter what.
So why bother taking the risk, you ask? Well, we’ve thought about it, and this is what we’ve realized: If you go out on a date and you never hear from them again, just think of it as a gift.
Yes, a GIFT.
If he does not call back, he simply beat you to the punch. If he had called, down the road you would have reached the point where you simply could not stand going out with him anymore. Why? Because he already sensed there wasn’t a connection.
It’s gotta be pretty hard to truly connect with someone who doesn’t connect with you. Relationships are a two-way street. So, what’s the gift you receive when he does not call? You don’t have to have an awkward semi-break up talk. You know…like when you’re in between talking and being official, and you know you don’t want cross out of dating limbo, so you have to call it off without formally calling it off….because….you’re not official….and he keeps calling.
Yeah. Ugh. Hmm. So…let’s avoid that and just let him not call us back in the first place. We win!
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OK lovelies, we hope this helps you enjoy all of your future first dates!! Enjoy the rest of your summer, and remember to check in with us to let us know how things are going. We’re always here for a touch up when life needs a few improvements, or a makeover when you’re ready for a change. Dating can be stressful, this we know, so feel free to lean on us for support! Talk soon girlz.