Boundaries are a Girl’s Best Friend

Episode 2 of the Blush You podcast, Boundaries are a Girl’s Best Friend, is ready to stream!

Each week, Kali and Elise share their “sparkles” – otherwise known as highlights of their week or lessons they’ve learned from tough weeks, and then offer advice, opinions, and feedback to a letter submitted by a listener!

Stream it here, or read the highlights below!

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Episode 2 Highlights

Kali’s Sparkle

Kali’s identity got stolen, so she begs their listeners to immediately go and lock up their credit file! Seriously, go! Do it now! It takes five minutes and can save you a lot of headaches. Kali also voiced how in the past she might have felt sorry for herself given the amount of stress it caused, but instead she handled the situation quickly. Her sparkle is to focus on your internal locus of control. In any given situation, ask yourself “what can I do to fix this?” and get to it!

Elise’s Sparkle

This week, Elise had a biopsy on her endometrium (ouch!), but she survived. She attributes her ability to get through the painful procedure to her mindset. Her mantra was “I choose joy and flexibility” instead of focusing on everything that could potentially go wrong or the pain itself. She realizes she can’t control the emotion you have, but you can control what you do with it.

The Submission

I am so overwhelmed as I write this. 

First and foremost, it should be noted that I am 9 weeks pregnant and sick as a dog. This is my second child, and for some reason this pregnancy is hitting me much differently this time than it did last time. My first pregnancy was a dream, and this is anything but. I am nauseous, irritable, stressed, and completely out of energy.

Second, I am in on the brink of a huge move. My sweet husband and I have built our dream home, and his parents bought our current home. It’s been a blessing to have our in-laws buy our house so we could take our time to renovate our new house. Their support has been fantastic, and I am looking forward ro being close to his family when they move to our city. 

But this is where the story takes a turn. I love to host. I would like to think of myself as a kind, generous person and I like making people feel special. So, when my in-laws asked me to host a family gathering next weekend, I couldn’t help but agree. They have done so much for us, and I want to make sure they feel supported like we do. They are also not American and saying “no” to family in their culture is a big no-no. 

So not only am I pregnant, and moving, but I have to host this weekend. Now that we have extra bedrooms in the new house, my in-laws canceled their hotel rooms to stay with us. It’s not even a money problem, they can afford a hotel room, but they just want us all to be close.

To top it all off, my boss is begging me to buy her business. I’ve worked for the company for many years, and had interest in buying the company years ago, but my boss was never ready until now. It’s not lost on me that this business heavily deals with real estate and we are in the middle of a global pandemic, but it’s all just so stressful. Her financials are a mess and it’s tough to even know where to start. 

I am so overwhelmed. I don’t even know where to start. I strive for harmony in my life but everything feels like a lot.


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Kali advice:

Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should! Boundaries is the name of the game with this submission. The letter writer clearly has very loose boundaries with in-laws and with her boss. Her mentality seems to be, “They’ve done X for me so i need to do Y for them”. You don’t have to have a reason or share your reason for the boundary. And remember – the stronger the pushback, the more important that boundary is! While being a hostess is part of her identity – don’t compromise that, but challenge yourself and ask if that’s why people love you. This could easily be a self-limiting belief and something that the letter writer should explore. And lastly – you must train people how to treat you. 

Elise advice:

She sounds like an Enneagram 2, (the Helper). She’s keeping score of giving, and that’s going to ewar her out. Of course there are cultural implications with these boundaries, but that doesn’t mean you are chained to constantly going back and forth with thank yous and must-dos. Remember the story from Glennon Doyle’s Untamed story – you have a duty to disappoint others to avoid disappointing yourself, especially with parents. People don’t know what you need until you tell them. Communicate your needs!!

Listen to this episode on iTunes, Amazon, or Spotify!

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