OKAY. Stop self-sabotage. It sounds scary, I know, but I promise it’s not as bad as it sounds. I’m so glad you’ve found your way here because self-sabotage can be a tricky thing to recognize when it’s happening to you, and whether it’s you or someone else, it can be super frustrating.
TL;DR: Self-sabotage is actually really understandable.
We’re just complicated humans with conflicting needs sometimes.
Keep reading, it’ll be okay.
As with many things, first, we need to understand what self-sabotage is and what it is not.
What is Self-Sabotage?
On the surface, self-sabotage looks like someone just not doing what they say they want to do – and that doesn’t seem to make any sense.
For example, say you want to start exercising and get healthier, or you want to stop dating people who treat you like dirt – both solid ideas. If you want something in your life, just do that thing, right? And sure, sometimes it’s hard to break habits but, isn’t this important to you? So just… get it together, right? Well, a lot of times, it’s more complicated than that.
Self-sabotage could be explained as when you are experiencing an “inner conflict” of which you aren’t fully aware.
It happens when two parts of yourself have contradictory needs, desires or habits. This could be anything from conflicting parts of your personality, holding opposing values, negative habits you’re struggling with, or even neurological factors derailing your conscious efforts, such as in the case of addiction.
Self-sabotage is not something you do intentionally. It is not a lack of desire or effort – and it’s definitely not you getting bad results because you deserve them.
Let’s look at some more specific examples so we can get a clearer picture.