It’s a question in life that you never REALLY want to answer:
When is it time to end a relationship?
Things build up. Something feels off. The magic has faded. Or maybe you’re just not happy anymore. Whatever it is that’s causing this burning question to rise to the top – it’s not going away. So you have to figure out if this skepticism is permanent, or just a phase. Tough call.
Relationships have rough patches all the time. In fact, I call them “growing pains.” Many relationships hit tumultuous times when two big personalities are adjusting to one another. It’s normal. So, trust me when I say: not every rough patch means the relationship should be over.
Alas, the question remains: When is it actually time to end a relationship? When is a rough patch no longer a rough patch, but a pattern?
Here is how you know when it’s time to end a relationship:
You don’t like yourself in the relationship
You know how colors look differently when lined up next to each other? Your blue eyes POP when you’re wearing navy, hunter green, or purple – but they glaze over when wearing white or gray. The same happens with people.
People can complement our personalities in vastly different ways. Some can bring out the funny side of you, while others encourage that vulnerability and authenticity to seep out. Your partner has the most influence over this dynamic – so be honest with yourself when you ask – do you like yourself in this relationship?
Is your best self coming to light, or are you consistently coming face to face with your unfavorable side?
We all have flaws. We all have demons. It’s not that we want to completely erase them – but we don’t want to highlight them, either. And if our partner consistently brings out the worst in us, it’s going to be hard to thoroughly enjoy the relationship.
I want to make one thing exceptionally clear: this isn’t necessarily your partner’s fault. Your partner most likely cannot help how their personality complements yours. But regardless – you deserve to be in a relationship where you feel like a better person for it.
There isn’t perceived equity in effort
Do you feel like you’re carrying the relationship? Are you the one always reaching out? Making plans? Showing affection? Sharing stories? Geeze. You must be exhausted.
People share and receive love in different ways. Your relationship does not need to be quid pro quo down the line. But if you don’t perceive that the relationship is equal – that is a massive problem.
Everyone is busy. Everyone has baggage. Everyone has obligations. But when you’re in a relationship, you make time for it, period. Otherwise you guys can just date and casually enjoy each other’s company while you keep on living your life. Relationships require effort and commitment. So if you’re not perceiving either – then what’s the point? You deserve to be courted just as much as you should be expected to court. Walking away at least gives you the opportunity to find a balanced relationship.
A free eBook with a step by step guide for moving on.
You don’t feel loved
One of the best perks of being in a relationship is having the solid belief that you are *special.* They chose YOU. You get their kisses. You get their compliments. You get their affection. You are the one who gets to be their partner, and they get to be yours. You are Queen of the world!
So if you don’t feel this way, again, what’s the point?
Not feeling loved has got to be one of the worst feelings EVER. Yes, I am all for self-love and completely encourage women to love themselves so much that it doesn’t matter what other people think. But subjecting ourselves to feeling not loved on a daily basis just sounds like misery-poop stew.
That’s a hard pass from me. And it should be for you, too.
The reality is, life is hard. There are going to be moments in life where you don’t feel intelligent. You are going to have days when you think all of your hard work has been pointless. There will be months when you feel like absolutely nothing is going your way. I promise you, it will happen. So in those moments, the last thing you want is a partner who doesn’t help build you back up. It’s hard convincing ourselves of our worth – we don’t need the duty of convincing our pa