I want you to think back on your marriage for a second. Do you remember when the two of you decided to date exclusively? Dating someone new gives you a surge of all these feel-good hormones, and it’s intoxicating. The thrill of the chase is excellent, but it’s such a good feeling to be with someone you can be yourself with for the long run. When you’re finally able to nuzzle into the comfort of knowing someone loves you—for better or worse.

But, what happens when they’ve seen a whole lot of worse?

One of the most common issues with any long-term relationship is the struggle to hold onto the allure of mystery. Of course, you want your partner to love and support you at your worst. Yet, once your spouse has seen your “bad” underwear, putting on a pair of sexy anything makes you feel a bit like a fraud. They know you’re not really sexy–you’re just trying to be. 

If this sounds familiar, I implore you to let go of this immediately!

It’s not that you have somehow become less appealing — of course not! However, as you transition from dating, to dating exclusively, to marriage, it’s easy to get lost in the minutiae of the day-to-day.

Living together means that you will spend at least part of your time dealing with the mundane tasks of running a household. The energy of a relationship changes when it becomes a part of your daily life, along with your other responsibilities, instead of an escape from them. 

While your partner should bring you comfort, the trick to dating your spouse and rekindling the passion starts with the habits you have developed as a couple. 

How to Build Better Habits in Your Marriage

Habit: Order takeout and binge-watch t.v. on Friday nights.

Desired Behavior: Go out for dinner and drinks Friday nights.

Setup for Success: 

• Go straight after work, don’t stop at home.
• Choose locations you’re both excited about.
• Preplan date ideas, so you have a bank to turn to when you’re unsure where to go.
• Plan a date where touching is encouraged

Target the habits and behavior you want to change by changing your environment to support the new actions you want to see, this will increase your chances of success dramatically. 

If you’re looking for more specific tips on how to commit to changing your marital habits – it’s best to work with a coach (hey!) to get tailored advice.

Luckily, I’m offering free sessions right now, so I recommend booking below:

Book here!

Okay, let’s get into the tips that will help you turn up the sexual tension while dating your spouse.

You Need to Feel Good About Yourself First

To make any date night successful, you need to feel confident and attractive. Wear something you know you look good in. Take your time grooming and catering to yourself from head to toe. Remind yourself of just how desirable you are, and they will undoubtedly see it too. More importantly, this confidence will make you irresistible. 

Dressing up will help set the tone that the time you are about to spend together is different from what you do any other night. Avoid wearing anything that inhibits your enjoyment, look good, but be comfortable. You can’t possibly have a good time if you’re fidgeting with your clothes or your feet hurt from your shoes. 

Be Intentional With Location

I cannot emphasize this enough. Where you go on your date matters!

Consider the vibe you’re trying to set. If you want to have fun with your spouse and keep it friendly, then maybe an active, daytime activity is right. Go for things that inspire a little friendly competition or teamwork.

If you’re trying to set the mood, then an evening activity that cranks up the sexual tension is better suited. Find something to do that requires touching, such as dancing or playing pool (great opportunity to flirt). If you’re trying to avoid crowds, a night at home can still create the mood you want to set. No matter the activity, your goal is to tease them—a lot!