As life coaches, it’s typical to work on both self-confidence and self-esteem with clients. But it’s also typical for clients to get confused between the two – as they seem to mean the same thing. However, self-confidence and self-esteem are not the same, and usually it takes exercising different aspects of our minds and hearts to gain both.
While this might sound intimidating – don’t let it scare you away. Typically if you’re doing the work to increase one, you’ll naturally be drawn to the work that increases the other. But just to be crystal clear – let’s go over specifics on what will help you increase your self-esteem, and what will help you increase your self-confidence.
Self Confidence Meaning
Self-confidence is about the level of trust you have in your abilities. How much faith do you have in your ability to rebound? Try new things? Complete tasks? Rise to the occasion? Fear and doubt *love* to snack on self-confidence. Both try to convince you that you don’t have what it takes to move forward. Self-confidence processes these messages and says back, “Oh yeah? Watch me.”
Self-Confidence Strategies
Vulnerability
This might seem counterintuitive, and that’s okay. Being vulnerable is the practice of being open – ripe for rejection and failure, but also prepped for incredible success.
So what does vulnerability have to do with self-confidence?
The less guarded you are to potential rewards and consequences, the more resilient you will become. A lack of confidence really stems from fear – and all of the “what ifs” that come with it.
But what if you knew that no matter what happened, you’d be able to take care of yourself? You’d be able to bounce back? You’d be able to shake the dirt off and keep moving forward?
That’s self-confidence.
But it takes vulnerability to get there. If you know deep down you are still holding yourself back – then you’ll convince yourself that the consequences you’ve experienced aren’t as bad as they could have been. And the doubt and fear will still linger.
So be OPEN. Prove to yourself you can survive no matter what comes your way.
Practice
Once you nail down being vulnerable, it’s time to practice.
Again, self-confidence is all about trusting in your own abilities. And to me, practicing is the easiest way to get comfortable with putting yourself out there. The more and more you put your talents to use, the more and more feedback you’ll receive. Some will be constructive feedback (a nice way of saying, “try again”), and some will be reassuring feedback (‘Yes, you did it. Now do it again”).
While perhaps some of us are born with more confidence than others, the important part is to note that confidence can always be gained. And the more you practice, the more confidence you’ll gain over time.
Support
If I didn’t quite make it clear before, allow me to not mince words now: vulnerability can be quite the little bitch.
I hate it. You hate it. We all hate it.
It’s excruciatingly uncomfortable putting yourself out there for all kinds of attacks. And while I regularly put myself out there – it still scares me every time. I get responses in my inboxes on the regular that say “LEAVE ME ALONE” to comments on social media ranging from “this is horrible advice” and “you suck.”
I’m still waiting for people to learn how to unsubscribe themselves, but, baby steps.
So yeah, I promise you, I get it.
But if I weighed every comment from a stranger as valuable as comments from my family, husband, and friends, I’d be in big trouble.
Which is why support is *essential* to build confidence.
In fact, support is the lifeline to self-confidence.
You cannot be the only one in your life building you up. It’s an exhausting job. So instead, you need to surround yourself with positive influences. And if you can’t seem to find any, that is literally what Blush is for. Sure, we call you out, but the majority of the time, we’re building you up. Because whether you believe you need it or not – everyone needs positive support.