Bullies were a thing in high school, right? We were told to watch our backs. Not to succumb to peer pressure. If you see something, say something. Guilty by association. And pretty much anything else that would steer us away from the grasp of a bully. But the thing is, we never liked bullies to begin with. They’re meanies. And after our share of middle school politics, we were tired of assholes. But now that you’re an adult bullies are no longer an issue, right? Guess. Again.
College was finally a break from the madness. It was time to time to drink beer and bond and make your lifelong friends. The bullies seemed to vanish, and we could rest easy. Phew!
That is, until we encountered one ourselves. Because the fact of the matter is, adult bullies are lurking everywhere.
They come in forms of mutual friends, work acquaintances, or social ringleaders. You might not catch them immediately, but eventually their true colors come out, and sometimes it’s too late. You’re already sucked in. And destroying a relationship in your adult years feels immature, catty, and beyond dramatic.
But ignoring their bully behaviors isn’t an option, either. It only reinforces their tendencies. So in order to be properly prepared for adult bullies, we have to brush up on our high school skills. We need to 1) know how to spot adult bullies and 2) figure out how to handle them.
So let’s roll. Here are some strong indicators that you might be intertwined with an adult bully:
1. The Silent Treatment
HOW TO SPOT IT: A classic tactic by almost all adult bullies. You have a foot in mouth moment? Silent treatment. You forget to text when you say you were going to? Silent treatment. You talk to someone else without them knowing? Silent treatment.
No matter what you do, eventually you will be met with their silence. Which also happens to be called emotional abuse.
They won’t actually *tell you* what you’ve done wrong. That’s way too much to ask. Instead they will smoke you out with their lack of communication until you break. Nobody likes to be ignored, and silence is typically the best way to “beat” someone without actually having to put yourself out there. It’s a cop out. Which is why it’s so popular amongst adult bullies.
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HOW TO HANDLE: You have one of two choices. You can either:
a) Call out the behavior immediately. Let them know that you do not appreciate the silent treatment and you would rather talk it out at their earliest convenience. Most bullies melt in the face of actual confrontation. They’re great behind screens, but not so much in person. You calling them out might just be enough to break their behavior (with you) for good.
or…
b) Ignore it. If you feel like this person is an adult bully, then you probably shouldn’t be friends with them. Ignoring the behavior is a great way to a) not reinforce it and b) let the relationship fizzle out.
If you truly believe you are dealing with an adult bully, then let their silent treatment be the demise of your relationship. There’s no need to have the tough conversation if you don’t want to be apart of the relationship anymore. Walk away and let their behavior be the nail in the coffin.
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