My boyfriend broke up with me a day before our six month anniversary. He said he wanted to break up early but since I was suffering he felt bad and stayed. He lost his feelings for me already for a couple of weeks. We always told each other forever and always and then he said there was no forever and always. He asked people in our school if we should break up. He even told me it would be nice if I lost some pounds. I can’t stop crying it hurts so much. What am I supposed to do?
I have to see him in school. Do you think that him and me are going to get back together? His friends told him to break up with me. I don’t know what to do anymore. Should I move on? I’m a wreck.
– Shay, Germany
First of all, I’m so sorry you are going through this. Breakups are terrible no matter how old you are, no matter how long the relationship lasted, or how intense the emotions felt. They are always awful. This one is no exception.
This breakup in particular also stings because not only did he break your heart, he also attacked your physical appearance, betrayed your trust by lying to you during the tail end of your relationship, and publicly discussed the state of your relationship with others. Of course you’re feeling terrible. Those were terrible things to do.
I’m so sorry you still have to be around him on a daily basis. Not going to lie, that complication will make it a little tougher to move on. But that doesn’t change the obvious answer: not only do I not think you are going to get back together, but this doesn’t sound like someone you would want to get back together with, either. It’s in your best interest to move on. Here are the reasons:
Lack of Accountability
The fact that he pointed to your weight as a possible reason for the breakup is downright shameful. He didn’t want to break up with you because of your current weight, he wanted to break up because his feelings changed. These are two separate entities that have nothing to do with the other. People love each other through weight loss and gain every day and it does not affect the love they have for each other.
But by citing your weight, he managed to place blame on you for his change of heart. In addition, he also pointed to your sensitive feelings as a reason he was forced to stay. In doing so, he not only hurt your feelings by ending the relationship, but he effectively blamed you for the reason behind it. On top of all of that, he made sure to leave a little blame to be shared by his friends by using the excuse that it was their idea for him to breakup with you. The only person that he didn’t blame for this breakup was himself.
Accountability is very important in relationships. Without it, partners constantly point fingers at each other instead of learning how to trust and lean on each other. Our opinion is this relationship wasn’t ever going work out regardless due to his lack of ability to take accountability for himself.
It doesn’t seem like there was much communication on his end during the relationship. Instead of talking to you about his waning feelings, he let it ride out and in doing so, worsened your pain. If he had been honest from the get go, perhaps you wouldn’t feel so blindsided.
In tough situations, it’s easy to cower out of the honest but difficult conversations. We don’t want to hurt people’s feelings. We don’t want people to hate us. We don’t want to rock the boat. But when we rise to the occasion and have those tough conversations, we don’t leave room for speculation. We cut out the guessing game. We own our feelings and leave little on the table for interpretation. I wish he had allowed you that courtesy.
I hope that you learn from his mistake and promise to be honest with yourself and with others in the future so you don’t put anyone in this position.
Change of Heart
As hard as it is, we can’t blame people for the way they feel. To his credit, he eventually was honest and told you that his feelings changed. It happens. This doesn’t mean you changed. It doesn’t mean you did anything wrong. It just means that he didn’t quite understand how he felt fully before jumping into a committed relationship.
Never settle for being in a relationship with someone who does not want to be in a relationship with you. You will always deserve to be with somebody who cherishes the time they have with you. Always. This relationship does not meet that standard, so your best chance at happiness is to move forward.
Again, breakups are hard. This transition will not be easy. We have a free eBook on breakups and how to move past them within weeks, and we suggest you and anyone else going through a breakup should grab a copy to help with the grieving process. We are here for you if you need any extra support along the way! Keep your head up and have faith in what lies ahead – your romantic life is just getting started.