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Self Love & Empowerment

20 Self-Care Holiday Gifts from $5 to $100

By | Friendships, Self Love & Empowerment | No Comments

It’s that time of year again.

 

If you’re trying to find the perfect budget-friendly self-care holiday gifts for friends, sisters, cousins, mom, aunts, or coworkers – we’ve got you covered. These gifts span from just $4.99 all the way to $100. Spoil your circle with these 20 trending self-care gifts of the holiday season. And just a quick note – none of these links are affiliate links! We just full heartedly believe in these products and services.

Happy shopping! 

 

Irreverent Adult Coloring Book 

 

 

This is one of my favorite ways to mellow out and get my stress out of my system. Coloring brings us back to a time of simplicity and bliss. And don’t we all want to feel light again at the end of a long week? Instead of reaching for the wine (ok, reach for that, too) – opt for a sassy coloring book that will not only help you articulate exactly how you are feeling (“Namaste. Now fuck off.”). Be sure to grab some colored pencils too!

Amazon – $4.99

 

Indian Healing Clay for Face and Body Masks

Pamper yourself or a friend with a tub of the most highly reviewed (18,000+) indian clay on Amazon. Reviewers rave about the masks ability to cleanse skin and eliminate pimples, while also removing toxins, makeup, and dirt that could be lurking in your skin. It’s great for sensitive skin as well as anyone who is acne prone. Or, just use it for a nice relaxing self-care evening filled with spa activities!

Amazon – $6.99

 

Lavender Sleep Mask

 

After a stressful day, the last thing you want to do is stay awake in bed all night replaying every detail over and over again (been there, done that.) So instead, why don’t you fall asleep to the most amazing scent in the universe: lavender. These eye pillows will not only feel and smell fantastic on your poor little stressed out face, but they will also block out any stray lighting that could awaken you too early in the morning (daylight savings time is KILLING me). For less than $12, I’d say this is worth it.

Amazon – $11.95

 

Quarter Life Crisis Book 

 

If your friend is “going through it” (we all know what that means, don’t we!) why don’t you give her a solve-all book that could help her figure out exactly what she’s struggling with, and how to overcome it? This book focuses on career, relationships, friendships, self-confidence, and the ever-looming quarter life crisis that strikes us all. It’s a short easy read, and it’s the best book ever according to my mommy!

Amazon – $14.99

 

You Are a Badass 2020 Calendar

This really is the gift that keeps on giving. With this inspirational calendar, you or a friend could have 365 Jen Sincero messages telling you that you ARE good enough, you CAN get through this, and you WILL take over the world one day at a time. Get your game face on for 2020 and gift your friend with some old school encouragement. Self-care every damn day of 2020 y’all!

Barnes and Noble – $15.99

 

Girls Doing Whatever TF They Want KeyChain

 

 

This is my favorite small little thang that I own. I got the 2019 version – so I may need to update mine soon – but regardless, every time I see it I smile. I feel empowered. I feel like I can do whatever the fuck I want because I’m a girl and I rule. And while it might not be the most obvious self-care gift – I would argue that it’s the best self-care gift of them all. We use our keys every single day – and wouldn’t it feel nice to get a boost every time you grab for them?  Yes it would. *Purchased*

The Wing Merch – $17.50

 

NeverTheLess She Persisted Puzzle

 

De-stressing is an artform, and sometimes we need quite the distraction to get our mind off of things. I can’t think of anything up for the task better than your favorite feminist heroes all together on a puzzle for your entertainment! Pull this baby out with friends, family, or by yourself after you’ve had quite a day. Get your mind energized and your spirits high while you let our icons do their job.

Uncommon Goods – $18.00

 

I Dissent Board Game

 

 

Ok, so you’re not a puzzle person? That’s fine! But seriously…forget Cards Against Humanity or What Do You Meme! This is the new ultimate game for any badass female out there. In fact, dare I say, this is THE perfect feminist board game for a fun Saturday night or a lazy Sunday afternoon. Channel your inner RBG and show them who’s boss while you unwind with some clever competitive banter.

Target – $19.99

 

I Am Enough Ring

 

If you or your friend is feeling down about themselves, this is the chance to put a daily reminder on their finger. This adorable, simple, and elegant ring from Etsy is the perfect sweet gift for anyone who needs a reminder that they are MORE than enough as themselves in this world. If they’re single, perhaps this ring is the first step in the right direction of calling themselves “self-partnered” (thank you Emma!) But even if you or your friend is attached – it’s still nice to get jewelry that’s just for you! Self-care for the bling bling win!

Etsy – $23.00

 

Adorable Houseshoes 

 

I am a big believer in comfy clothes you can wear outdoors without feeling like a total freak – and in my humble opinion – these fit the bill. They are furry and adorable, but also have a cute stylish feel to them. Plenty of reviewers noted they could wear them outdoors, which of course, sold me. So for those days when you just don’t feel like putting on jeans and tennis shoes, grab these and slay the day.

Amazon – $23.99

 

Oil Diffuser

You know that scent when you walk into a spa for the first time and you’re instantly relaxed? Imagine feeling that way every time you walk into your living room. Ahhh. Bliss. Get yourself or a friend an oil diffuser for those days when you’d love a spa day, but life isn’t allowing for it. This particular oil diffuser is easy on the eyes if I do say so myself. And while you’re at it, grab some oils from Amazon for less than $10 as well. Let’s just get all self-cared up in here.

Amazon – $29.99

 

Cupcake Personalized Onesie

I mean…who DOESN’T want a personalized cupcake onesie, amiright? Ok…just me? I have to admit – I do have a onesie from this exact Etsy store (it’s navy with my name in sparkly silver letters – that’s right – they offer GLITTER font) and absolutely love it. I’ve worn it for movie nights, to onesie parties (yes they are a thing), on the weekends when I don’t have anything in particular to do…it’s the best. Onesies keep you warm in style while also bringing you back to childhood nostalgia days. So go ahead – live that anxiety-free baby life and de-stress your way to snuggle happiness!

Etsy – $39.00

 

Portable Back Massager

 

 

When you’re so stressed out that it’s starting to physically manifest – it’s time to do some serious self-care. While I totally recommend getting a massage by a professional, not everyone can afford that, nor does everyone like being touched by strangers. So instead, you could invest in a portable massager that works at home or in your car. Get those knots out of your upper and lower back while you sip on some wine and listen to a podcast. Sounds like a good weekend to me!

Amazon – $44.95

 

Life Coaching Session

 

video counseling

For anyone trying to go through this life solving their own problems – my heart goes out to you. That’s a tough way to do it. So for this holiday season, give the gift of figuring out your problems with someone who actually knows how to help. Blush online life coaching doesn’t just listen to what you have to say – they give input. That’s right. They actually give advice, opinions, strategies, solutions…you know, the stuff you’re actually looking for. Hook a friend (or yourself!) up with a $50 online sesh and see what she can accomplish. Don’t think you can get more self-carey than this!

Blush Online Life Coaching – $50

 

Beginner’s Scarf Knitting Kit

 

Ok, this might seem a bit old lady to some of you – but knitting is actually a great way to de-stress. It allows to use your hands, it’s repetitive, it’s not super challenging, and it even yields a cute accessory on the other end of it! Most of us aren’t the most skilled of knitters, so a beginner’s kit is probably a good intro gift to yourself or to a fellow stressed out human. There’s plenty of colors to choose from, you can choose to create a scarf OR a snood (wwowww) and make sure you select the options with needles if you don’t have a sewing kit at home. Self-care scarfs!!!

Etsy – $67.11

 

Lou and Grey Sweatpants

 

These are legitimately the most comfy sweatpants I’ve ever owned. I’m not the kind to spend $70 on sweatpants (and I didn’t, I got them as swag as an event so I cheated) but if I lost them, I would have to bite the bullet and buy them. To me, these are the epitome of self-care: not getting dressed up but also not looking miz. For real, they have such a nice shape to them, so I don’t feel like a hot mess running around in them at the grocery store. If you or your friend are looking for the ultimate sweatpants to wear around the house or around town – look no further.

Lou + Grey – $69.50

 

Peter Thomas Roth’s Mix Mask + Hydrate 

 

I absolutely adore Peter Thomas Roth’s cucumber gel eye mask thingamabobs. I used them before my wedding and continue to use them after a stressful night of sleep or whenever it’s particularly dry outside. So when I saw a complete set of his mini offerings – I had to put them on this list. If you or a friend of yours is in the market for some super hydrating, feel-good products, this is the perfect intro into all that is Peter Thomas Roth. You or your friend will be very pleased with your new self-care ritual and your skin!

Sephora – $75.00

 

Custom iPhone Case

 

Ok, so these aren’t really self-care related. But they are so dang cute. I mean, look at them. You could get leopard! Bright red! They even have subtle millennial pink! I mean who doesn’t want a cute iPhone case with their name on it!? Think of it this way: they will never lose their phone at a party because EVERYONE will know whose phone it is! So it eliminates…anxiety! See? Self-care all the way.

BaubleBar – $78.00

 

Stagg Gooseneck Kettle


 

Don’t you just want to cozy up with a nice warm cup of tea from the sleekest most chic little kettle you’ve just ever seen in your life? I mean, might as well de-stress in fashion. You or a friend would use the holy hell out of this kettle now that the weather has turned and it’s officially tea-drinking season until AT LEAST March. Self-care for the entire season!

Crate and Barrel – $79

 

ClassPass Gift Card

 

Exercise is such a great form of self-care – le duh. The problem is, exercise is not one size fits all. Some people prefer biking, some people prefer walking, some people like HIIT, and others won’t touch it if it’s not under water. So why try and guess? Instead grab a ClassPass gift card so your friend can decide what classes she’d like to take herself. She might love the flexibility and variety of choice and stick with ClassPass – or maybe she’ll find a studio she adores and stick to that. Either way, you win!

ClassPass – $100

cut yourself slack

5 Signs It’s Time To Cut Yourself Some Slack

By | Self Love & Empowerment | No Comments

 
It might seem odd that a life coach is offering advice on when to push the brakes instead of the gas, but I’m of the mindset that the highest form of personal development balances self-acceptance with self-improvement. We focus *a lot* on self-improvement: boundaries, confidence, relationships, career – but what about self-acceptance? What are the signs it’s time to cut yourself some slack and just accept the fact that not everything needs to be perfect?

I’ve outlined five different telltale signs that it’s time to give yourself a break and cut yourself some slack.

 

1. You’re Frustrated with Things Outside of Your Control

Being hard on yourself for things that you cannot possibly control is a super big waste of time. And if you think about it – you probably do it a lot.

How often have you gotten upset that something didn’t go exactly the way it was supposed to? How often have you internalized it – thinking that if you had planned better, paid more attention, put more thought or energy into something – it would have turned out better? You go over every little detail to figure out exactly what you could have done differently – and while you find some things here or there, you just decide YOU are the issue.

Which is 100% wrong.

There are SO many external factors that contribute to things all the time that are not in your control. You can’t control the weather. You can’t control people’s thoughts or feelings. You can’t control schedules and availability. You can’t control the economy. You really can’t control much of anything, really…except yourself.

You can control how you react to things not going your way. And my best advice, is to cut yourself some slack. 

You are doing the best you can to function in a world you have no power over – and there’s no reason to beat yourself up when things don’t go well. Something will always go wrong and people will always be disappointed – it’s just the way it goes – so there’s no need to make yourself feel even worse. Shit is bound to go wrong with so many factors working against us. So take a deep breath, and thank yourself for trying.

 

2. You Made a Solid Effort

I personally believe that you should reward for yourself for TRYING more so than for WINNING.

Focusing on things going perfectly is a great way to develop an anxiety disorder, because we all know things are bound to go sideways at some point. And that’s not me being a pessimist – that’s just a fact. Those who are happiest in this life are those who don’t worry about winning or perfect – they focus on the process of it all.

And that’s what I’m asking you do to right now. Focus on the process. Did you put some effort into it? Did you try to offer the best you could? Then that’s good enough for me. And it should be good enough for you, too.

But…before you say, “Yeah…but I could have tried harder!” – I encourage you to take pause. We physically cannot give 100% of our efforts everything. We don’t have the time or the energy or the knowledge or the bandwidth or whatever else to do so. And not only that, we shouldn’t.

Things in our life need to take priority. Things like….keeping our stress levels at bay. Spending time with friends and family. Producing quality work. Being creative. Enjoying ourselves. We need to be able to disperse effort in a proportion that makes sense to our values. Otherwise, you’re going to burn out. So next time you start to beat yourself up over the concept of “effort” – ask yourself if this situation is the MOST important thing to you. Is it really a huge deal breaker in your life? Will you even think about it in 5 years?

Didn’t think so. So cut yourself some slack.

 

3. Your Had Good Intentions

Intentions might not be everything, but they sure as hell count.

If you managed to make a big ole mess-up, but know in your heart that you did not INTEND to do so – I am a full believer in giving yourself a break.

However, I’m also a big believer in owning, acknowledging and apologizing for your actions. Even if you didn’t mean to mess anything up or hurt someone’s feelings – it still happened. And you can definitely be accountable for that. But you don’t need to beat yourself up for it. Do what you gotta do, and move on. Beating yourself up for something you didn’t intentionally mean to do is just being cruel to yourself. You already feel bad enough for the mistake, so there’s no need to taunt yourself for days and weeks.

Be nice to yourself. It will all blow over, anyway.

 

4. You Failed

Failure sucks.

But it sucks even more when you blame yourself for it instead of just chalking it up to a normal part of life. Reading too much into failure leads to blame – and that’s unhealthy on all accounts. Instead, try to look at failure as inspiration. Perhaps you learned something along the way that can help you succeed next time. Or maybe whatever you’re trying to succeed in really isn’t for you, and it’s time to move onto other endeavors. Whatever the lesson you pull from failing, don’t let it be that you aren’t good enough. That’s just not true. Loosen up – failure won’t kill you! It will only help you refine your journey.

 

5. You’re Comparing Yourself

When you compare yourself to someone else, you’re just asking to beat yourself up over God knows what. So I’m going to need you to stop doing that ASAP.

Because when we compare ourselves to others – we usually compare ourselves to those who are *seemingly* doing sOoOoOoO much better than we are. And we rarely, if EVER, have all of the facts. Instead, we have a few pieces of information and we fill in the gaps ourselves. And we’re usually dead wrong.

So when you catch yourself comparing yourself to someone else – please refrain from putting yourself down in the process. You have zero clue what the full scope of someone’s life entails, and therefore it’s impossible to accurately compare your life to anyone else’s. It’s fine to notice or support what others are doing – that’s natural! But please don’t spiral into a whole *I’m not worthy of the dirt beneath my feet* episode. It’s not productive and it just creates unnecessary hurt for you.

 

Find yourself continuously being hard on yourself?

It might be time for some one on one support. Blush Online Life Coaching offers personalized coaching for as little as $79/mo. Start working with your very own life coach so you can ease up on yourself, and finally enjoy the life you live.

 

easy tips to boost confidence

10 Easy Tips To Boost Your Confidence

By | Self Love & Empowerment | No Comments

Not sure if you’re doing anything right? Feel like you’re constantly criticizing yourself or doubting yourself? Wonder how everyone else around you seems to navigate this life flawlessly, but you seem to be behind? Then you need some easy tips to boost your confidence, because trust me, you’re doing better than you think.

Confidence is not something we’re born with – it’s something we develop over time through good habits and good people. So if you’re feeling like you are resigned to being insecure your entire life, I love you, but you’re wrong. You can be just as confident as Lizzo if you just take the time to work on it. And I’m here to help you get started. Read more about ten EASY tips you can use to boost your confidence:

 

1. Spend More Time Alone

One of the easiest ways I’ve found to build up my confidence is to spend a lot of time by myself. And my cats.

Ok, I can see how that makes me sound like somewhat of a loser, but just stick with me here.

Spending time alone forces you to get used to hearing your own thoughts. You realize how smart you are, how insightful you are, and how funny you are. You’re a hoot! You realize that you have more opinions than maybe you thought you did. Or maybe you finally admit that you don’t give an F about sports and would rather go take a long walk outside. It’s good to clock these things – because the more you get to know yourself (and get comfortable with it), the less insecure you’ll feel around others.

In grad school I was taught that proximity leads to familiarity, which leads to likability. Meaning, you tend to grow attraction for people you’re around all the time. Very rarely do I hear “love at first sight” stories in my line of work. Usually people developed feelings for each other over time, like at work or school, because they see each other a lot. The proximity to each other lead to being familiar with each other, and we tend to like things we’re familiar with. This is all a long way to say SPEND TIME WITH YOURSELF SO YOU CAN BECOME FAMILIAR WITH YOURSELF AND THEN LIKE YOURSELF. It works.

Maybe most importantly, spending time alone showcases just how much of a bitch you are to yourself.

Have you ever looked in the mirror and silently said, “…ew.” 

Yep, me too. And it’s really fucking rude.

Call yourself out when you catch yourself doing this. It’s a lot easier to do it when you’re home alone because you aren’t distracted by other people’s yapping. And, when you get good at recognizing what you’re saying and when you’re saying it, you can try to reframe it before it even happens. Which leads me to…
 

2. Ask The Magic Question

“What would I say to a friend?”

It’s that simple. Confidence is all about feeling *good.* And when we are MEAN to ourselves, we don’t feel good. I bet half the shit you say to yourself you would NEVER say to a friend. Absolutely never. Because if you spoke like that to others, you probably wouldn’t have any friends.

So before you silently spat off to yourself, ask yourself if you would say what you’re about to say to a friend. If the answer is no, then go deeper. What WOULD you say to a friend when she’s feeling insecure?

You’d say to your friend that she looks amazing. That she’s smart. That she’s the perfect combo of classy and sassy. That everyone loves her. That she’s going to get the job. That if he doesn’t text her back, he’s insane. That she’s a rockstar. That she’s going to be so successful. That she deserves that ice cream. That she’s earned that promotion. That she’s kind. That she’s special.

If you can say it to her, you can say it to yourself. Because guess what? Friends attract like-minded people. So if she’s all of those things, you are, too.
 

3. Surround Yourself with Positive People

Here’s a shortcut to being confident: hang around people who support you no matter what.

It is infinitely easier to feel secure about yourself and your choices when your group is always here for it. And on the flip side, even the most confident person can feel like utter poop when they’re around negative people who question or judge their every move. No one is that resilient! We all have insecurities and achilles heels we don’t want poked by others. But negative people, man, they have a way to get under your skin no matter how clever you are at hiding your flaws.

If you’re having issues finding negative people, go solo for a bit. Protect your energy and hole up while you figure out what kind people bring out the best in you. Once you figure that out, think about where they might be hanging out. If you’re tired of being surrounded by workaholics, try going to the dog park at 5pm on a Tuesday. If you’re ready to hang out with people who like being outdoors, campsites and hiking trails will be full of adventurers. And so on and so forth.

Point is, feeling confident is an uphill battle when you’re surrounded by people who will tear it down the first chance they get. Confidence is contagious, so focus on being with kind, good natured cheerleaders who can help you find your inner Positive Polly.


 

4. Talk to Someone

The :::easiest::: way for your confidence to take a nosedive is to ruminate over stupid things. Your brain has a funny way of spinning small crap into massive shit storms in a matter of minutes. It’s not healthy to have our negative thoughts bounce around our minds with nowhere to go. Which is why you need to release them when you can.

But you gotta be careful about releasing negative, vulnerable thoughts to just anyone. Like I already said – it’s crucial to surround yourself with positive people. Ideally a few of them are great confidantes who won’t judge and who can even offer some sound advice/encouragement on the backend. And if that’s the case, you are extremely lucky. But if you don’t feel super secure (or safe), it’s good to practice with a professional.

Counselors and coaches are the perfect starting point for building confidence. They will teach you how to eliminate negative thinking, offer feedback when you start to slip, encourage you when you need it, offer validation when appropriate, and cheer you on the entire way. Plus, once you feel comfortable gushing out your thoughts and feelings to a coach/counselor, it’s MUCH easier to become vulnerable with friends and family. What’s even more – coaches and counselors can help you identify the people in your life who seem like good eggs, and help you weed out those who could be contributing to your deficit in confidence.

Sounds like a pretty incredible solution if you ask me. Shameless plug – this blog is part of an online life coaching site that offers personalized coaching for $79/mo. And it’s all online. Come check it out!

5. Take Care of Yourself

It’s hard to feel good about yourself when you haven’t had a sip of water in a week and you’re averaging 4 hours of sleep per night.

The little things matter. Hydrate. Sleep. Wash your face. Put decent food into your body. Exercise a bit. Call your mom. Do things that you know are good for you, but you’ve been putting off. The little things add up over time. Our body can sense when we are investing in it, so of course it’s going to feel like a big sad face if you are ignoring it! Your physical self is highly connected to your mental and emotional self. You cannot ignore one part of the triangle and expect the rest to pick up the slack – it doesn’t work like that. So if you’re filling your head with god awful slasher movies and influencer beauty tutorials while running on iced coffee and advil, you’re probably not going to feel too hot about yourself. When your confidence is slipping, look into other pillars and see if you can make some healthy adjustments. You won’t regret it.
 

6. Do Nice things For Others

I think Kristen Bell explained this one more eloquently than I ever could on the debut episode of Dax Shepard’s podcast Armchair Expert. She talked a lot about happiness vs. suffering, and how she tends to live her life by doing things that create happiness, and avoiding things that generate suffering. I liked her take on it. As she continued on, it dawned on myself – and her – that a lot of the happiness she generates is by doing nice things for herself and for others. It’s really that simple.

When you do something good for yourself (going on a long walk) or for someone else (carrying someone’s groceries) – we feel good. We know that our time was productive. We feel like we have purpose or that we contributed to society in some small way. It’s a great feeling. And the more we concentrate on the amount of happiness we strive to generate, the better we are going to feel about ourselves. This is not to say we need to adhere to loose boundaries – no ma’am – but we can search for opportunities that help others in ways we are capable of providing.
 

7. Resist Comparing

This is going to be the hardest one on the list. It’s so, so, so, so hard to not compare yourself. There are days when I absolutely suck at it, and days where I’m the master guru for all of humanity at it.

Today I’m at a solid medium, so I’ll try my best!

There is a difference between noticing or supporting what others are doing, and comparing yourself to what others are doing. It is virtually iMpOsSibLe to never have any sort of pulse on what others are up to thanks to social media. But, even if you aren’t on Twitter or Insta (but you should really get on Twitter, it’s friggin hilarious) you would STILL be in the loop with what your family members, friends, friends of friends, and coworkers are up to because you have conversations with other humans.

It’s inescapable.

So here comes the tricky part. You’re going to have to draw a boundary with yourself. You cannot line up what you are doing next to what someone else is doing. Why? Because there are simply too many variables at play. It’s not a logical comparison, and it’s not helpful to anyone. You have zero clue where this other person is in their journey, what their childhood was like, how much student debt they had to deal with or not deal with, whether or not they are happy, if they like their boss or career, what their relationship is like behind closed doors, or what their hopes and dreams for their future hold. There’s just no way you have all of that information. So comparing your own journey to theirs is simply unfair. You don’t have any of the necessary data to make a sound judgment. Period.

But subconsciously, you know that already. Which is why you fill in the gaps yourself.

You assume they are the HaPpIeSt person alive. You make up whatever story in your mind to make you feel even WORSE about yourself. If you admire hard work and feel guilty for having a privileged background, then you decide this person you’re envious of worked for every single thing they have. If you have a chip on your shoulder from a rough upbringing, you assume they had everything handed to them. It’s a trick of the mind that affects all of us – and all it does is point out what we’re insecure or upset over at the moment. But you already know what you’re upset about…so again…it’s pretty useless.

Instead, learn to acknowledge and support others. Resist the urge to do a side by side comparison, and just ASSUME that you two are in completely different hemispheres when it comes to starting point and ending points.

When I’m really struggling with this, sometimes I try to fill in the gaps in a way that helps me feel better. I don’t necessarily put others down – but I do try to push myself up instead of shoving myself down like I used to do.

For instance, not too long ago I found myself at a 3 million dollar Los Angeles home in the Hills for an event. I walked in to meet the host, expecting to be greeted someone 20 years my senior, but instead found myself staring straight in the face of a woman who looked just like me. Except she was skinnier, had nicer clothes, was obviously more successful, and was definitely MY AGE.

I mean mother f#@%$*!

Notttttttt what I was anticipating. And it took just about all of me to not spiral into a frenzy of “WHAT IS MY LIFE EVEN? HOW DID I END UP HERE AND SHE’S THERE?” I mean, don’t get me wrong, I obviously did for a second. Like c’mon guys, I’m not made of stone. But then I realized, ok. Breathe. Perhaps I’m in the beginning of my journey and she’s at the end-ish. Perhaps she started on third base. I don’t really know. Because I don’t know her at all.

I used those tactics to calm myself down and reach equilibrium. Then, I started going over my values, and realized there is no reason to compare myself to someone just because of their social status. It’s silly. But I’ll get to that later.
 

8. Remember, Life Isn’t a Contest

Life isn’t a contest because there’s always going to be someone better than you. oOoOoOoO BURN.

lololol I know that’s so harsh, but omg it’s so true. Name a singer, and I’ll name someone better. Name an athlete, I’ll name one better. And guess what? We will both be right, because it’s virtually impossible to compare these things. It’s all in the ears or eyes of the beholder.

But the point is, there’s a lot of people sharing this earth. And a lot of us are extremely talented. So if your goal in life is to be THE BEST…then this is going to be one long and miserable life for you. I’m not telling you to give up on whatever your dream is, but I am telling you to be ok with the fact that you might come across people who are better. And once you accept that, life is going to be so much more enjoyable for you! You’ll be able to practice your craft or enjoy your hobbies or meet your goals without this crazy intense pressure of winning. Instead, you’ll relax. You’ll realize it’s all apart of the journey, and it doesn’t really matter how everyone else stacks up. All that matters, is that you’re happy and confident in your choices.

TL;DR: Winning won’t make you confident.

Just ask any famous rockstar who found themselves in the terrors of addiction or Kevin Pearson from This Is Us. It doesn’t work that way. Confidence and happiness come from within, not from awards, accolades, or recognition. You have to think your life is amazing before anyone else.
 

9. Focus on Your Values

Confidence is a product of self love and security. When you feel love for yourself and love from others, confidence will burst out of your seams. Love from others comes from being vulnerable with family members or sourcing a chosen family that will stand by you always. The other part, the self-love, is harder to develop.

But the more I think about it, the more I’ve realized that self love really stems from respecting and loving your values. Values are what drive our decision making in our careers, relationships, friendships, faith, finances, and pretty much anything else. So if you don’t respect your own values, your chances at self-love are going to be slim.

Perhaps that means you need to make some adjustments. Earlier, I wrote about feeling inferior and insecure while comparing myself to a woman owning a $3 million mansion in the Hills as a young 30-something. After I quickly spiraled into an anxiety frenzy, I was able to recognize that monetary value should not be one of my top values. And in fact, it isn’t. Sure, I have monetary goals just like anyone else – but I don’t want it to be my end-all-be-all. If I did, I’d probably be in a different profession. Pretty sure Wall Street pays better than counseling and coaching.

But I like that about myself. I like that I value helping others more than money. I like that I also value creativity and ambition more than security and routine.

But not all of my values are admirable. For instance, I get judged A LOT for my two bengal kitties whom I did not adopt. I have a severe allergy to cats (and dogs, too), but my husband, a devout cat person, and I wanted a furry companion at home. So, when I found out that Bengal cats were hypoallergenic (it’s true!), I went for it. I chose to purchase a pet for the sake of my own allergies rather than rescue a kitty that would create a sneezing frenzy daily. Plus bengal cats are SO cool.

It’s fine. You can judge me. After reflection, I’ve decided I don’t feel bad about it and I can be confident in showing off my ridiculously cute pets. All because I focused in on my values (comfort, health, productivity) instead of bending the will to others’ values (adopt don’t shop no matter WHAT!). If you fall in the latter camp, that’s amazing. I really respect that and am so glad people like you exist. Sorry you might probably definitely hate me!

Point of all of this is to encourage you to dive into your values. Focus on what you want out of life and boil it into one word. Reflect on your choices and see if you can figure out what was driving them. The better acquainted you become with your values, the more secure and confident you’ll feel, because your behaviors and thoughts will start to make PERFECT sense. Everything will feel congruent, and not feeling proud or confident about it would be so bizarre. And if that’s the case, then you need to CHANGE your values so you feel more aligned with who you really are.
 

10. Do Nice Things For Yourself

We covered doing nice things for others. We covered taking care of yourself. But now I want you to do something nice for yourself.

Maybe that means buying nice mascara and putting it on when you’re feeling a little blah. Maybe it means going to see that movie you really wanted to see by yourself. Or perhaps it means canceling all your plans and taking a bubble bath while listening to Prince (Oh wait…that’s Pretty Woman. But still you get it.) It’s not just about doing all the “right” things like sleeping and eating well. Life is meant to be enjoyed – and it’s hard to feel confident when we are constantly worrying about what is “good” for us and what is “bad” for us. Indulgence can be FANTASTIC for us. I have no doubt in the world it releases dopamine and serotonin and all of those happy feelers.

I also would think that it gives you that much needed release of just NOT giving a FUCK.

I don’t know about you – but I’m one of those girls who gives a fuck about everything. This whole “IDGAF” culture and I do not mesh. I was born caring. And it’s only gotten worse with age. So I need to be nice to myself, otherwise I’m just going to be constantly taking EVERYTHING too seriously. People actually comment on the fact that I seem so “laid back” and “anxiety-free” which is hysterical, because I can definitely be tightly wound. But instead of leaning into that tendency – I try to lean out of it whenever possible. And that usually involves The West Wing, a long walk, cuddles with my kitties or a glass of red wine.

I want you to be able to relax and invest in yourself in ways that aren’t necessarily “healthy.” Focuses on whether or not it’s healthy is still stressing out about something, and that creates an atmosphere of self-doubt or judgment, and that isn’t a great environment for confidence. So just go offline for a bit (literally and metaphorically) and eat a cake pop in your robe. You’ll be fine. And probably feel better for it later.
 

Need a big girl boost of confidence?

I hear you, girl. Life can be rough – especially if you feel like you’ve got no one in your corner. But that’s what Blush is for! Work with one of our professional coaches online and see your confidence uptick with each month that passes. Coaching starts at $79/mo – so you have no excuse. Join us today so you can leave self-doubt behind.

stressed out

10 Things To Do When You’re Stressed Out

By | Self Love & Empowerment | No Comments

I’m going to level with you – I’ve been really stressed out lately.

In fact, I’ve been stressed out all year. The tailend of 2018 and the bulk of 2019 has not been smooth sailin’ to the Rogers-Solomon household, but we are hanging in there. Don’t get me wrong – we’ve had plenty of victories (which is what a gratitude mindset likes to shout at me daily), but that doesn’t alleviate the higher level of stress that’s been pouring into our lives.

Which basically means this entire year, I’ve been stressed out while also trying to help my clients who are stressed the F out. I love my job, but I also have to WATCH IT because I can’t offer what I don’t have myself. It’s a slippery slope if I don’t take care of myself. So, I’ve compiled my “list of things to do when you’re stressed out” – and while some days they work better than others, I think I’ve managed to survive up until this point fairly well because of it. And I hope you do, too.

1. Exercise

Yep. It’s probably the dead last thing you want to do right now, which is why it’s the first thing on my list.

There is something sublimely terrible and euphoric about exercise. Your mind has to shut off to focus on making your body do whatever you want it to do – and your heart pumps endorphins all throughout to usher you into a completely different hormonal state. Distraction + transformation. And afterwards, even if you still feel stressed out or annoyed or frustrated or whatever other lovely feeling has arrived at your door today – you’ve renewed your energy to be able to deal with it.

Exercise not only makes you feel accomplished for the day (“I might be a stress potato but at least I got off my butt”) but it actually REDUCES stress altogether.  I mean if that’s not an obvious solution, I don’t know what is.

So whenever you are feeling particularly stressed out – go for a walk. Get on that bike. Crush that reformer. I don’t care if you’re a dancing-tabata-barre-bootcamp-yogi, just do whatever your body likes. I can’t run to save my life (I think my body still believes it’s the 1200s and if I’m running, I’m running from a damn bear so I better SAVE. EVERY. CALORIE. FOR. SURVIVAL.)  which means I’ve found alternative ways to get endorphins while not turning into a blimp. Exercise is not one size fits all, so just do whatever sounds like fun!

2. Go to Bed Early

Another womp, womp.

Stress reduces your ability/desire to sleep. It wires your brain into thinking you need to stay alert and awake to solve whatever crisis is coming atchya – but in reality, you need to constantly reboot.

I cannot promise that whatever stressor you’re experiencing at this current moment is going to melt away from sleep – but I can guarantee you that if you do NOT sleep, it’s only going to get worse. So do your damnest to get those 7, 8, or even 9 hours every night. Being cranky and stressed = you’re a piece of poop to be around, which is going to make your life worse. So for your own sake, and for the people around you’s sake – please go to bed.

3. Listen to a Podcast

There’s something about listening to confident women talk about real issues that makes me believe I’m going to be just fine.

Whenever I’m feeling stressed, I like to turn to the soothing voice of Cheryl Strayed in Dear Sugars or Elizabeth Gilbert’s Magic Lessons. When I’m feeling frustrated with my business, I’ll skim through How I Built This and listen to any female founder’s story. If I’ve got more time on my hands, then I switch gears to an audiobook and listen to Brene Brown’s quick wit. And when I really need the hail Mary to get me out of any stressful day – I call on her majesty the Queen, Oprah in Super Soul Sunday.

But those are just some of my favorites. Take some time to explore the magical women who have dared to create podcasts meant to help us get through our day. You’ll be thanking yourself later.

4. Watch Something Nostalgic

Shut off that age old advice that movies and TV are bad for you. Movies and TV can be absolutely FANTASTIC for you if you’re watching the right stuff at the right time.

If you’re stressed out and really needing to unplug, might I suggest watching something that takes you out of the moment and into a state of happiness. Typically nostalgia does that for me – which is like old favorites like When Harry Met Sally, The Sandlot, and Sabrina do it for me. I float back to a simpler time, and gain so much perspective that after an hour and a half – I feel like I can overcome whatever is in my way.

I, however, do NOT recommend watching anything anxiety-provoking. Turn the crime series and murder mysteries off, ma’am. You’re already in stress overdrive and don’t need to sleep with one eye open waiting to become a barely-possible statistic. If you’re struggling to think of any – switch on F.R.I.E.N.D.S. That’ll do the trick.

5. Meditate

The ultimate equilibrium equalizer.

If you don’t know how to meditate, or don’t think it’s your thing – I encourage you to download a meditation app to get started. Headspace, Calm, and and YogaGlo are just a few. The entire gist is to shut off your mind and focus on one thing – or nothing at all. Ideally you will recalibrate your mind – and ideally alleviate excess stress getting in your way.

6. Clean

That’s right, put your anxiety to some use!

Whenever you are super stressed out – it’s usually due to some perceived lack of control. Maybe you don’t have enough control over your time to get everything you need to get done, or maybe you don’t have control over outside obstacles that could affect your day to day (weather – looking at you!).

I find that exerting control over something tends to ease my frustration and tricks my brain into thinking I have more power than I actually do. And what better way to exert control than to clean up your place? Not only will it give you the satisfaction of actually doing something productive, but it will also get rid of any clutter that could be triggering anxiety. Many people report feeling overwhelmed and discombobulated in an untidy space – so having a dirty space could actually be one of the root causes of your stress. Two birds, one stone!

7. Talk to Someone

There is nothing worse than being mega stressed out and trying to explain it to someone else who is not only NOT stressed out at all but also just…doesn’t get it.

Yeah, that sucks.

So invest in yourself. Find a life coach (I hear Blush is pretty great) or a therapist who is trained to help manage your stress levels. The simple act of unloading emotionally onto someone else can feel so incredible – and you may accidentally abuse that privilege with friends and family. So instead, talk to a professional who will not only listen to your concerns, but they’ll also provide tailored feedback to help you find balance again, and alleviate stress in the future. The great thing about Blush is that everything is conducted online and sessions are affordable – so the process itself won’t stress you out even further!

8. Play with a Pet

If an animal can’t help you de-stress, then it’s hopeless.

Kidding! Kind of?

If you are lucky enough to have a pet (say hi to @baloo_y_queso whenever you’d like), you already know the power these little critters have at taking you out of the moment and into pure exhilaration. Your cat doesn’t care how much money you have. Your dog doesn’t care if you’ve gained 10 pounds. Animals don’t care because they are smarter than us! They know this shit doesn’t matter!

So when you need to take a break from humans (don’t we all) – go hang out with a pet. If you don’t have a pet, visit a local shelter. I have no doubt a lot of furbabies would be more than happy to spend some time with your stress-ball ass.

9. Journal

If you don’t wanna talk it out, then at least write it out.

There’s something really incredible about being able to articulate exactly what is stressing us out – and then spitting it out onto paper. It’s like we’re releasing all of the icky feelings and making it a journal’s problem, and not ours. This is also known as externalizing the problem – which can be so helpful during times of acute stress.

So whip out that old diary and get to work! Don’t worry about if you’re making sense or not – chances are, no one will ever read it. And if you actually want someone to read it – may I suggest journaling to a Blush life coach? They’ll actually respond with real advice. Just sayin’.

10. Take a Shower

Maybe it’s just me, but when I’m really stressed, taking a shower with some intense hot water while blaring music really does it for me.

I’m not sure if it’s the music that clears my head and distracts my worry, or if I metaphorically feel like I’m cleansing myself of stress, or if the steam is opening up my pores and my stress is actually seeping out – but something tends to work during those times. Typically my showers are for utility only – I am in and out simply because I don’t want to embarrass myself at a public outing. But for stressful days – I tend to really enjoy myself in that shower. Hell, I’ll even exfoliate!

So do yourself a favor and jump in the shower (or the tub!) if you need to de-stress. You may feel the magic, too.

imposter syndrome

How to Overcome Imposter Syndrome

By | Self Love & Empowerment | No Comments

If you haven’t heard the term “Imposter Syndrome” before, either you’ve managed to escape its grip, or you didn’t have the term to describe the crippling self-doubt that comes with putting yourself out there. So, before we discuss how to overcome Imposter Syndrome – let’s define it.

Imposter Syndrome: The idea that you’re a “fraud” amongst professionals. You haven’t earned the success you’re achieving, or you never will experience any success because you don’t know what you’re doing – and soon enough – everyone else will find that out, too.

 

I can sense a lot of you are reluctantly nodding your head in familiarity. So let’s all take a cleansing deep breath and know that we are in this together!

In for 1…2…3…4. HOLD HOLD HOLD HOLD DO NOT LET GO OF YOUR BREATH. Out for 1…2…3…4! 

That felt good, yes?

Now that our mind is clear and our bodies are relaxed, let’s talk about how we can overcome Imposter Syndrome (or booger syndrome as I sometimes call it).

 

Everyone Has it!

 

For reals, mostly everyone has experienced Imposter Syndrome. And if you’ve met someone who has claimed they haven’t (*eye roll*) – I would be scootin’ my way along because they cannot be trusted. Even if you don’t *totally* relate to it (which begs the question why you’re reading this?), you’ve probably brushed past it before. If you’ve ever said something to the tune of:

“Maybe before I do more prep work”
“I would, but I’m not qualified.”
“They are better, so I’ll let them go for it.”
“I’m not _____ enough”

…then you’ve had Imposter Syndrome. Which means EVERYONE has it. Which means if EVERYONE has it, then NOBODY feels confident at all times that they know what they are doing. And that alone should eliminate part your of fear. I think April Ludgate (fictional character, I know) said it best.

“I’m gonna tell you a secret about everyone else’s job: No one knows what they’re doing. Deep down, everyone is just faking it until they figure it out. And you will too, because you are awesome.”

 

Some people are simply better at masking their self-doubt and making it SEEM like they know what they’re doing. Maybe you struggle with this – and that’s ok. It’s a lovely thing to be vulnerable. However, when you let your self-doubt take you out of the game completely, that’s when there is an issue. Continue to put yourself out there knowing everyone else is just as afraid as you are. The more you do it, the less it will scare you.

Perfect Shouldn’t Be the Goal

 

If perfect is the goal for your next endeavor – you need to rethink all of this anyway.

My favorite phrase ever, “become friends with ‘good enough'” – or better known as “done is better than perfect” – comes to mind right about now. One of the main reason Imposter Syndrome perks up right around the time you start actually trying is because you are focusing on the idea of *perfection* and how it leaves little to no room for human error.

Which…is a problem. Because we’re humans. 

If every goal, job, opportunity, or expression we went for needed to be perfect, then we’d all be better off skipping and staying in bed. Which is EXACTLY what Imposter Syndrome wants you to do. Being perfect at whatever comes next in your life should never, ever be the goal – because it’s impossible. Instead, the goal should be the experience of it all. If you enter into situations focusing on the actual experience of the process, and not the end result – things become a hell of a lot easier. And more fun. And worthwhile.

And the hilarious part about all of this, is when you focus on the actual process of a job/task/opportunity, you end up getting better at it naturally. Without the pressure, fear, and anxiety over performing perfectly, you’re able to zen out in flow. You allow yourself to creatively explore whatever is in front of you and improve on it at your own pace. And you actually have the space you need to craft your talent! So don’t focus on the endgame. That’s Imposter Syndrome’s best case scenario. Instead focus on the process. You’ll be so much happier.

 

There’s Room For You (And Her!)

 

Another common mistake I see is assuming that there is a quota for talent. Or better known as operating with a “scarcity mindset” as opposed to an abundance mindset.”

While you might be wanting to enter into a contest of some sort that only divvies out first prize (you got me there) – typically there is more than enough space in this world/career/niche for more than one person. And each new person brings something different to the table, for a different audience. And while you might be gunning to be the best (see above!) – the “best” is a subjective measure for the most part.

Like, for instance, imagine Beyoncé and Audioslave going head to head for being “the best” at music.

I guarantee you so many people didn’t skip a beat and said DO NOT COME FOR MY QUEEN while others were ready to defend their timeless rock band at all costs.

The point is – the best doesn’t even freaking matter because there’s barely a way to measure it – and each has a unique, enthusiastic, and loyal fanbase. There is room for both. And there’s also room for Drake, Taylor Swift, Lil NasX, and Lizzo (!!! what would we do without Lizzo !!!). Plus the thousands of other artists who’ve had giant successes celebrating their talents.

And no matter WHAT niche you’re striving for, there’s room for you, too.

So throw away that scarcity mentality. That philosophy that’s telling you there are only so many spots available – and they will only go to the best and brightest. That’s more than enough negative energy to make anyone want to turn around and give up forever. Instead, adopt an abundance mentality. Not only is there enough space for you, but there’s enough space for her, too. So you go do your thing, and support her while she does hers!

 

Is the Alternative Seriously Worth it?

 

So let’s pretend that your Imposter Syndrome wins. You throw in the towel because you decide you aren’t good enough and eVeRyOnE else is going to find out you sUcK.

Now what? What’s your fallback?

The only logical answer would be to pursue something that you barely care about so you don’t suffer from Imposter Syndrome. And that sounds superbly shitty. So is that really worth it? Is the fear of other people thinking *hmm, maybe she doesn’t know exactly what she’s doing* enough to deter you from living a life of boredom?

I really hope not. You deserve so much more than the debilitating fear of others noticing flaws in your work. And you deserve so much more than assigning yourself away to a life of little challenge or enjoyment. So, please, for your own sake, do not let Imposter Syndrome fool you into sacrificing your creativity or enthusiasm for work. Again, try your best to focus on the process and not the peanut gallery – and you will be so much happier.

 

Nobody Cares

 

This is the real kicker, right here.

As we found out earlier, most people suffer from Imposter Syndrome to some extent. So, that means we are all pretty self-involved and concerned that other people are going to notice how crappy we are and our severe shame will explode onto everything we touch. Which means that barely any of us have the bandwidth to focus on…….you guessed it…….YOU.

That’s right! The silver-lining here is that we are all so anxiously distracted by the fear of our own flaws that we actually have undermined any real consequences of Imposter Syndrome. None of us notice each other.

lololol it’s kind of funny right?

OK FINE it’s sad – sure – but that’s also why the phrase “you are your own worst critic” rings true. It’s also why you are nowhere NEAR as hard on your friends as you are on yourself. Think about it! You would NEVER look at your friend and think, “Ha-ha! Wonder when everyone is going to find our she doesn’t know what she’s doing.” No way. So why would you say that about yourself?

I really don’t know but it’s about time you stop.

People have enough going on with their own lives to really pay attention that closely to yours. Nobody. Cares. So go out there and fuck some shit up! Chances are, no one will blink an eye and you will go on to learn and THRIVE.

I truly hope all of these tidbits arm you in your battle against Imposter Syndrome. But of course, one size does not fit all. Which is why we offer personalized life coaching at a fraction of the cost so you can get the tailored solutions you need to move forward.

Come join us. xo

The 10 Best Self Help Books For Women You Should Read

By | Self Love & Empowerment | No Comments

If you’re feeling stuck, it might be time to start reading. These are the best self-help books for women cover varying topics and can really open your mind up to new solutions. Some have an obvious niche, and others are meant for everyone to partake. We recommend these book consistently to our clients, and hope you enjoy them as well.

top 10 self help books

Braving the Wilderness

“A timely and important new audiobook that challenges everything we think we know about cultivating true belonging in our communities, organizations, and culture, from the number one best-selling author of Rising Strong, Daring Greatly, and The Gifts of Imperfection.”

Attached

 

“Is there a science to love? In this groundbreaking audiobook, psychiatrist and neuroscientist Amir Levine and psychologist Rachel S. F. Heller reveal how an understanding of attachment theory – the most advanced relationship science in existence today – can help us find and sustain love.”

You Are a Badass at Making Money

 

You Are a Badass at Making Money will launch you past the fears and stumbling blocks that have kept financial success beyond your reach. Drawing on her own transformation – over just a few years – from a woman living in a converted garage with tumbleweeds blowing through her bank account to a woman who travels the world in style, Jen Sincero channels the inimitable sass and practicality that made You Are a Badass an indomitable best seller.”

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck

 

“In this generation-defining self-help guide, a superstar blogger cuts through the crap to show us how to stop trying to be positive all the time so that we can truly become better, happier people.”

Please Understand Me II

 

“For the past twenty years Keirsey has continued to investigate personality differences — to refine his theory of the four temperaments and to define the facets of character that distinguish one from another. His findings form the basis of Please Understand Me II, an updated and greatly expanded edition of the book, far more comprehensive and coherent than the original, and yet with much of the same easy accessibility.”

Conquering Your Quarter Life Crisis

 

Umm OF COURSE we were going to include our book. Le duh.

“This book is a no-nonsense approach to getting over your quarter life crisis and entering into adulthood like a boss. Learn about the symptoms of the quarter life crisis and how to combat them as well as tackling your career distress, relationship troubles, breakup woes, friendship struggles, and owning your singlehood while everyone else is getting engaged. This book won’t let you waste one more second feeling sorry for yourself. It’s time to stop feeling stuck and take action.”

Eat, Pray, Love

 

“This beautifully written, heartfelt memoir touched a nerve among both readers and reviewers. Elizabeth Gilbert tells how she made the difficult choice to leave behind all the trappings of modern American success (marriage, house in the country, career) and find, instead, what she truly wanted from life.”

Quiet

 

“At least one-third of the people we know are introverts. They are the ones who prefer listening to speaking, reading to partying; who innovate and create but dislike self-promotion; who favor working on their own over brainstorming in teams. Although they are often labeled “quiet,” it is to introverts that we owe many of the great contributions to society–from van Gogh’s sunflowers to the invention of the personal computer.”

The Defining Decade

 

“Our “30-is-the-new-20″ culture tells us that the twentysomething years don’t matter. Some say they are an extended adolescence. Others call them an emerging adulthood. But 30 is not the new 20. In this enlightening book, Dr. Meg Jay reveals how many twentysomethings have been caught in a swirl of hype and misinformation that has trivialized what are actually the most defining years of adulthood.”

Mindset: The Psychology of Success

 

“After decades of research, world-renowned Stanford University psychologist Carol S. Dweck, PhD, discovered a simple but groundbreaking idea: the power of mind-set. In this brilliant book, she shows how success in school, work, sports, the arts, and almost every area of human endeavor can be dramatically influenced by how we think about our talents and abilities.”

Happy Reading!

 

*Please note*

…that we do not make any monies based off recommending these self help books for women. That is…unless you buy my book. Which I did work very hard on and it’s full of a lot of amazing information and you’re totally going to love it and you should totally read it but you know what NO PRESSURE ok?

If you’d like to read about how I wrote this book or are looking for inspiration to write your own (or run a business), I’ve got you covered as well.

young woman

101 Positive Affirmations To Help You Slay The Day

By | Self Love & Empowerment | 2 Comments

Going through a rough patch? No matter how many pep talks we give ourselves, sometimes it’s easier to have some ready-to-go positive affirmations to get us through a difficult day. To be sure we can cover any topic you happen to be struggling with at the moment, we have put together 101 affirmations that cover 10 different categories to boost your confidence!

We have affirmations for stress, female empowerment, self love, work and career, body image, healing, money and wealth, breakups, relationship and dating, and boundaries. 

Feel to say these affirmations as your daily routine, or only when you need a boost.

Table Of Contents:

 

Positive Affirmations for Stress

 

1. This too shall pass and I can withstand this.

 

Positive affirmations for stress: This too shall pass and I can stand this.

You’ve been through shit before and lived. You will live, and you will grow.

2. I accept the things I cannot change.

 

Positive affirmations for stress: I accept the things I cannot change.

Focusing on what you *cannot* change is a sure-fire way to welcome anxiety into your home. Focus on what you can change, and you’ll be much happier.

3. I will not let my happiness depend on things being perfect.

 

Positive affirmations for stress: I will not let my happiness depend on things being perfect.

Done is better than perfect. Always and forever.

4. I gently release all my worries, anxieties and fears.

 

Positive affirmations for stress: I gently release all my worries, anxieties and fears.

Do not cling to negativity. Flip it on its head and focus on the positives. What have you learned today?

5. I don’t have to fix everything right now. I can be still and ride the wave of life.

 

Positive affirmations for stress: I don't have to fix everything right now. I can be still and ride the wave of life.

No one has a perfect life. But those who are happy are those who can see the beauty within the disaster.

6. I am stronger than my struggles.

 

Positive affirmations for stress: I am stronger than my struggles

Girl – you can do this. A break is coming your way. If you can keep pushing, you will be rewarded.

7. I am doing the best I can.

 

Positive affirmations for stress: I am doing the best I can.

That’s all any of us can ask for. Be grateful for your efforts.

8. When anxiety visits me, I can breathe it away.

 

Positive affirmations for stress: When anxiety visits me, I can breathe it away.

These feelings do not live inside of you, they’re just visiting. Show them the door and move on with your day.

9. Worrying cannot change my circumstances.

 

Positive affirmations for stress: Worrying cannot change my circumstances.

You know what they say – worrying is a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but takes you nowhere!

11. I live in a universe where I am loved and supported.

 

Positive affirmations for stress: I live in a universe where I am loved and supported.

You are not alone.

 

Positive Affirmations for Feminists

 

12. I believe in the woman I am becoming.

 

Positive affirmations for feminists: I believe in the woman I am becoming.

Growth doesn’t happen overnight – but every day you are inching closer and closer to the woman you always knew you could be.

13. I love who I am because I fought hard to become her.

 

Positive affirmations for feminists: I love who I am because I fought hard to become her.

You put blood, sweat, and tears into who you are today. Honor her.

14. I refuse to rely on your sword to save me because I carry my own.

 

Positive affirmations for feminists: I refuse to rely on your sword to save me because I carry my own.

You are strong and resilient just as you are. You do not need rescuing from anyone.

15. I am not afraid of being the full package.

 

Positive affirmations for feminists: I am not afraid of being the full package.

Do not shy away from being everything this universe deserves. Some qualities you were born with, and some you developed yourself.

16. A successful woman is one who can build a firm foundation with the bricks that others throw at her.

 

Positive affirmations for feminists: A successful woman is one who can build a firm foundation with the bricks that others throw at her.

The world doesn’t make it easy on women. But that’s why we were made to be fierce.

17. Careers have no gender.

 

Positive affirmations for feminists: Careers have no gender.

None. You have permission to go after any job title in any field that interests you.

18. Her success is not my failure. Empowered women empower women.

 

Positive affirmations for feminists: Her success is not my failure. Empowered women empower women.

There is no quota for success amongst women. When one of us succeeds, all of us succeed.

19. I am a strong woman. I don’t have attitude, I have standards and boundaries.

 

Positive affirmations for feminists: I am a strong woman. I don't have attitude, I have standards and boundaries.

You’re not a bitch, you’re a badass.

20. I will not apologize for being a powerful fucking woman.

 

Positive affirmations for feminists: I will not apologize for being a powerful fucking woman.

There’s absolutely nothing to be sorry for. Those who are intimidated by you have their own self-work to focus on. That’s not your problem.

21. I am powerful, beautiful, radiant, and brave.

 

Positive affirmations for feminists: I am powerful, beautiful, radiant, and brave.

…and talented, kind, intelligent, and the list goes on.

 

Positive Affirmations for Self Love

 

22. I accept myself for who I am today.

 

Positive affirmations for self love: I accept myself for who I am today.

You will also accept yourself for who you were yesterday and who you will be tomorrow.

23. You owe yourself the love that you freely give other people.

 

Positive affirmations for self love: You owe yourself the love that you freely give other people.

You effortlessly let love spill out to friends and family – allow some of the love to be shared internally. You deserve it.

24. I approve of myself and love myself deeply and completely.

 

Positive affirmations for self love: I approve of myself and love myself deeply and completely.

We seek out approval from others too often, and this ends when we approve of ourselves first.

25. I am courageous and I stand up for myself.

 

Positive affirmations for self love: I am courageous and I stand up for myself.

You MUST have your own back in this life. We cannot heavily depend on others having it for us.

26. I will not compare myself to strangers on the Internet.

 

Positive affirmations for self love: I will not compare myself to strangers on the Internet.

Internet social media is not reality. You, however, are real. Focus on yourself and ignore the white noise trying to break you.

27. I am superior to negative thoughts and actions.

 

Positive affirmations for self love: I am superior to negative thoughts and actions.

You are in control of your mind. You have the power to push out any negative thoughts or actions that do not serve you or your goals.

28. I do not wait for others to give me permission to do what I love.

 

Positive affirmations for self love: I do not wait for others to give me permission to do what I love.

Never have, and you never will. Chase after what sets your soul on fire at every chance you get.

29. I am worthy of my own love.

 

Positive affirmations for self love: I am worthy of my own love.

You are worthy of love just because you exist. Loving yourself does not need to be earned – it is an automatic, fundamental right.

30. I needed a hero, so that’s what I became.

 

Positive affirmations for self love: I needed a hero, so that's what I became.

You have everything you need in order to be happy and successful in life.

31. I choose to stop apologizing for being me.

 

Positive affirmations for self love: I choose to stop apologizing for being me.

Apologies are for accidents, and you are not an accident.

 

Positive Affirmations for Work

 

32. I am proud of the hard work I put into everything I do.

 

Positive Affirmations: I am proud of the hard work I put into everything I do.

My efforts do not go unnoticed. I am valued at every step of the way.

33. Know that you can start late, look different, be uncertain and still succeed.

 

Positive Affirmations: Know that you can start late, look different, be uncertain and still succeed.

I do not need to be perfect in order to have success. I just need to show up and do my best.

34. Life is good because I decided to make it that way.

 

Positive Affirmations: Life is good because I decided to make it that way.

I intentionally designed my life and my work in a way that would make me happy.

35. Success is going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm.

 

Positive Affirmations: Success is going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm.

Success isn’t defined by winning. It’s defined by perseverance.

36. Even on my worst day, I’m killing it.

 

Positive Affirmations for work: Even on my worst day, I'm killing it.

I am a goddess of strength and nothing can stop me from earning what’s mine.

37. I am stubborn with goals and flexible with methods.

 

Positive Affirmations: I am stubborn with goals and flexible with methods.

I don’t give up when things get hard – but I adapt so I can enjoy my life while I’m kicking ass.

38. It is ok for me to have everything I want.

 

Positive Affirmations for work: It is ok for me to have everything I want.

There is nothing wrong with being a woman who wants. You can be kind, generous, and also ask for things at the same time.

39. There will be haters, doubters, and non-believers, and then there will me proving them all wrong.

 

Positive Affirmations for work: There will be haters, doubters, and non-believers, and then there will me proving them all wrong.

Your job isn’t to convince everyone else that you’re worthy. Your only job is convince yourself.

40. If you don’t build your dreams, someone will hire you to build theirs.

 

Positive Affirmations for work: If you don't build your dreams, someone will hire you to build theirs.

Have the courage to chase after your dreams.

41. I am never in a rush and everything still gets done.

 

Positive Affirmations for work: I am never in a rush and everything still gets done.

You do not have to burn yourself out in order to be successful. Take breaks. Enjoy the ride. Have fun.

 

Positive Affirmations for a Healthy Body Image

 

42. Eating healthy is how I show I love my body.

 

Positive affirmations for a healthy body image: Eating healthy is how I show I love my body.

“Healthy” means many things to many people – but I know what my body loves and I provide it.

43. I give myself permission to be myself.

 

Positive affirmations for a healthy body image: I give myself permission to be myself.

I am beautiful at any size, and I don’t need to starve myself for acceptance.

44. Perfect health exists in my body.

 

Positive affirmations for a healthy body image: Perfect health exists in my body.

I wake up and breathe in air. My body takes me to magical places. I am living proof of health.

45. Food is not my enemy. I thank it for nourishing me and for giving me energy.

 

Positive affirmations for a healthy body image: Food is not my enemy. I thank it for nourishing me and for giving me energy.

I will not restrict myself from the pleasures of food.

46. I am not going to sacrifice my mental health to have the perfect body.

 

Positive affirmations for a healthy body image: I am not going to sacrifice my mental health to have the perfect body.

“Perfect” does not align with my values, and I refuse to chase an elusive standard of beauty at the expense of my mind. I am better than that.

47. I will treat my body like it belongs to someone I love.

 

Positive affirmations for a healthy body image: I will treat my body like it belongs to someone I love.

I will handle my body with love, care, affection, and gratitude.

48. I release myself from the diet mentality thoughts that are no longer serving me.

 

Positive affirmations for a healthy body image: I release myself from the diet mentality thoughts that are no longer serving me.

Diets are meant to shame my body. I will instead eat foods that are nourishing, healthy, and satisfying.

49. I am an absolute fucking babe and my weight does not define me.

 

Positive affirmations for a healthy body image: I am an absolute fucking babe and my weight does not define me.

I find myself attractive, and so should you.

50. I will listen to my body when it asks for rest. I can give my body what it needs.

 

Positive affirmations for a healthy body image: I will listen to my body when it asks for rest. I can give my body what it needs.

I do not need to push my body constantly in order to feel good. My body is allowed to relax,

51. Life is too short to spend it at war with myself. I will apologize to my body and be grateful for it from here on out.

 

Positive affirmations for a healthy body image: Life is too short to spend it at war with myself. I will apologize to my body and be grateful for it from here on out.

My body and I will instead take on the world together as a united front.

 

Positive Affirmations for Healing

 

52. Life tried to crush me, but it only succeeded in making a diamond.

 

Positive affirmations for healing: Life tried to crush me, but it only succeeded in making a diamond.

Or, as Eleanor Roosevelt would say: “A woman is like a hot tea bag. You don’t know how strong she is until you put her in hot water.”

53. This is only temporary. Nothing in life is permanent.

 

Positive affirmations for healing: This is only temporary. Nothing in life is permanent.

Anything you are going through right now will inevitably end. Life ebbs and flows naturally – and you’re just in an ebb right now.

54. I have the strength, resilience, and perseverance to overcome any challenge.

 

Positive affirmations for healing: I have the strength, resilience, and perseverance to overcome any challenge.

Girl, if you’ve survived this long with all the shit life has thrown at you – you can handle this, too.

55. I’m healing, and that terrifies them. They’ve never met a woman who can break several times and put herself back together with nothing but self love.

 

Positive affirmations for healing: I'm healing, and that terrifies them. They've never met a woman who can break several times and put herself back together with nothing but self love.

Let this sink in. You are reviving yourself off of your own energy. And you’re going to surprise everyone with your courage and resilience.

 

56. There is enough good to go around for everyone.

 

Positive affirmations for healing: There is enough good to go around for everyone.

There is no quota on healing, positive thinking, or good fortune. You can thrive while others thrive, too.

 

57. I give myself permission to take time for myself until I’m ‘me’ again.

 

Positive affirmations for healing: I give myself permission to take time for myself until I'm 'me' again.

Do not rush healing. Marinate in your own transformation.

 

58. They tried to bury me. They didn’t know I was a seed.

 

Positive affirmations for healing: They tried to bury me. They didn't know I was a seed.

A Mexican proverb tailored specifically for you. The only question is, what kind of seed are you? What will you blossom? It’s up to you.

 

59. I am becoming who I was meant to be.

 

Positive affirmations for healing: I am becoming who I was meant to be.

We all have choices in life – rise up to the occasion, or surrender. I don’t think you have it in you to surrender.

 

60.When one door closes, another one opens.

 

Positive affirmations for healing: When one door closes, another one opens.

An oldie, but goodie. Stop focusing on the locked door when there are plenty of open windows surrounding you.

 

61. When it hurts, I am allowed to sit and listen. Life is trying to teach me something.

 

Positive affirmations for healing: When it hurts, I am allowed to sit and listen. Life is trying to teach me something.

Listen carefully. Extract as many wisdom nuggets as possible. Find meaning at every stage in life.

 

Positive Affirmations for Money and Wealth

 

62. I am financially abundant.

 

Positive affirmations for money: I am financially abundant.

Just as love, kindness, opportunities, and growth is abundant, so is financial wealth.

 

63. My bank account will continue to grow and grow.

 

Positive affirmations for money: My bank account will continue to grow and grow.

You are on a mission to grow positivity in your life. Money brings you positivity – so it’s only natural your bank account will follow suit.

 

64. I am a money magnet. I always attract abundance and prosperity easily and effortlessly into my reality.

 

Positive affirmations for money: I am a money magnet. I always attract abundance and prosperity easily and effortlessly into my reality.

Wealth in every sense of the word flows towards you when you think with a growth mindset.

 

65. Money allows me to have a life that I love.

 

Positive affirmations for money: Money allows me to have a life that I love.

Money is not meant to imprison you; it’s mean to free you. Enjoy it.

 

66. I place no limits on the amount of money I can make.

 

Positive affirmations for money: I place no limits on the amount of money I can make.

Release limiting thoughts one by one. You deserve money and money deserves you.

67. I always have more than enough money to meet my needs.

 

Positive affirmations for money: I always have more than enough money to meet my needs.

Your relationship with money should never be fueled by anger or resentment. Money provides and serves – it does not diminish.

68. My spiritual and financial wealth is going to be multiplied today simply because I deserve it.

 

Positive affirmations for money: My spiritual and financial wealth is going to be multiplied today simply because I deserve it.

You are worthy of having money to provide you things and experiences you enjoy.

69. It’s safe for me to become a millionaire.

 

Positive affirmations for money: It's safe for me to become a millionaire.

Money is not dirty. It is not ugly. Money can be used to bring beautiful things to yourself, and to people and causes you love.

70. I willingly release any unhelpful thoughts about money.

 

Positive affirmations for money: I willingly release any unhelpful thoughts about money.

Cultivate positive thoughts about money. The more positivity you show it, the more attracted to you it will become.

71. Money is meant to serve me.

 

Positive affirmations for money: Money is meant to serve me.

Money is not meant to punish, restrict, or deter you from living your life. Money is meant to elevate.

 

Positive Affirmations for Breakups

 

72. You were my cup of tea, but I drink champagne now.

 

Positive affirmations for breakups: You were my cup of tea, but I drink champagne now.

Leveling up in life is usually painful. A breakup is no different. Know you are onto bigger and better things.

73. The past will stay behind if I am building a future.

 

Positive affirmations for breakups: The past will stay behind if I am building a future.

Make peace with your past while you keep your eye on the future. You have amazing things in store for you.

74. Being single is an empowered choice I choose to make.

 

Positive affirmations for breakups: You were my cup of tea, but I drink champagne now.

Your next partner will need to bring more to the table than you spending quality time alone with yourself. Until then, you are all you need.

75. Being alone is not the same as being lonely.

 

Positive affirmations for breakups: Being alone is not the same as being lonely.

Alone time is critical for reflection, processing, inner peace, strength, and resilience. Cherish it.

76.  If you aren’t happy single, you won’t be happy in a relationship. Happiness comes from within, not from men.

 

Positive affirmations for breakups: If you aren't happy single, you won't be happy in a relationship. Happiness comes from within, not from men.

“Men” is only used here because it rhymes. Substitute “men” with any person you believe is there to make you whole. You do not need anyone to complete you – you are already whole by yourself.

77. One of the most courageous decisions I will ever make is to finally let go of what is hurting my heart and soul.

 

Positive affirmations for breakups: One of the most courageous decisions I will ever make is to finally let go of what is hurting my heart and soul.

Change is scary. Have faith that anyone you are leaving in your past can no longer serve you in your future.

78. This happened for a reason.

 

Positive affirmations for breakups: This happened for a reason.

Breakups do not happen at random, there are core reasons they exist. Be grateful the universe has your back enough to lead you away from a broken relationship.

79. I am going to be in love again and it will be magnificent. 

 

Positive affirmations for breakups: I am going to be in love again and it will be magnificent.

You will attract love in your future, but not if you can’t let go of the obstacle in your way today. Let the breakup take over so you can move forward.

80. I will stop fighting for someone who is ok with losing me.

 

Positive affirmations for breakups: I will stop fighting for someone who is ok with losing me.

Choose to fight for yourself instead of for someone else.

81. I honor the love more than the loss.

 

Positive affirmations for breakups: I honor the love more than the loss.

Positivity will always be a more powerful agent for change. You are allowed to focus on the love and not on the loss.

 

Positive Affirmations for Relationships and Dating

 

82. Focus on if you like them, not if they like you.

 

My grateful heart is a magnet that attracts everything I desire.

Spending time concentrating on someone else’s feelings diminishes your own. All that matters is how you feel about someone else, not vice versa.

83. Playing games in relationships will only attract game players.

 

Playing games in relationships will only attract game players.

What you put out comes back to you. Do not be afraid to show your genuine, authentic self. You will attract that from someone else in return.

84. Relationships make life exciting, but they don’t make life exist.

 

The more I care for and love myself, the more love I will experience from others.

Relationships are a bonus in life. Without a relationship, you are still whole. Treat relationships as what they are: gifts.

85. I am worthy of an honest, sincere, and affectionate relationship.

 

I am worthy of an honest, sincere, and affectionate relationship.

If you decide to be in a relationship with someone, they should treat you just as nicely as you treat yourself.

86. I am ready to love and be loved.

 

I am ready to love and be loved.

You must show your openness for love to the world in order to receive it.

87. The more I care for and love myself, the more love I will experience from others.

 

The more I care for and love myself, the more love I will experience from others.

Incredible relationships are extensions of the relationship you already have with yourself.

88. I do not need to settle in order to be loved. 

 

I do not need to settle in order to be loved.

Hold onto your standards fiercely. Do not compromise yourself for a relationship.

89. I deserve a powerful partner because I am a powerful woman.

 

Positive affirmations for relationships: I deserve a powerful partner because I am a powerful woman.

Your next relationship will challenge you, not hold you back.

90. My soulmate will love me as much as I love myself.

 

My soulmate will love me as much as I love myself.

You will only find a caring and loving romantic relationship once you have developed a caring and loving relationship with yourself.

91. My grateful heart is a magnet that attracts everything I desire.

 

My grateful heart is a magnet that attracts everything I desire.

If love is what you desire, spread love and gratitude throughout the world.

 

Positive Affirmations for Boundary Setting

 

92. I can’t afford to take people on as full-time jobs.

 

Positive affirmations for boundaries: I can't afford to take people on as full-time jobs.

You know your limits – and when you feel as if you should be paid for the amount of energy you pour into relationships, it’s time to draw back.

93. People are not mind readers, ask for what you want.

 

Positive affirmations for boundaries: People are not mind readers, ask for what you want.

You are empowered to articulate your expectations. Do not expect people to glean what you need – you are strong enough to ask.

94. The more I love my decisions, the less I need others to love them.

 

Positive affirmations for boundaries: The more I love my decisions, the less I need others to love them.

Fall in love with your choices every single day. You will seek out less and less approval the more you own them.

95. Outgrowing people around me is ok.

 

Not every friendship is meant to last a lifetime. Be brave enough to let go relationships that no longer serve a positive purpose.

96. Invest in people who invest in you.

 

Positive affirmations for boundaries: Invest in people who invest in you.

Do not chase people who wouldn’t chase you back. Spend time and energy on those who value what you offer.

97. Don’t trade authenticity for approval.

 

Positive affirmations for boundaries: Don't trade authenticity for approval.

Surround yourself with cheerleaders, motivators, supporters, and anyone else who loves you for exactly who you are.

98. My value does not decrease based on someone’s inability to see my worth.

 

Positive affirmations for boundaries: My value doesn't decrease based on someone's inability to see my worth.

Work on valuing yourself instead of focusing on whether or not others value you. You are the most important critic in your life.

99. It is not wrong to love myself, take care of myself, and to make my happiness a priority. It’s necessary.

 

Positive affirmations for boundaries: It is not wrong to love myself, take care of myself, and to make my happiness a priority. It's necessary.

Embrace self-care like it’s your job. As they say – you need to put your own oxygen mask on before assisting others. You cannot give what you do not have.

100. I am the CEO of my life. I can choose to hire, promote, demote, and fire people as I please.

 

Positive affirmations for boundaries: I am the CEO of my life. I can choose to hire, promote, demote, and fire people as I please.

You do not need permission to release someone from your life or to invite new people into it. Run your life like you own the place, because you do.

101. I allow myself to say no to what does not align with my values and say yes to what does.

 

Positive affirmations for boundaries: I allow myself to say no to what does not align with my values and say yes to what does.

“No” is not a dirty word. Use it as many times as you need to in order to protect your energy. It’s either a “Fuck Yes” or it’s a “No.”

 

 

How to Become a Life Coach

By | Self Love & Empowerment | No Comments

 

Let me guess: you’re the person all of your friends come to for advice.

You get texts in the morning, calls in the evening, and pop-ins at work. Everyone wants to know how to handle this or what they should say to that – and you are the master of advice. But at what point should you look into this as an actual career? Read More

3 Awesome Benefits of Life Coaching: Your Best Investment

By | Self Improvement, Self Love & Empowerment | No Comments

At this point, you probably have heard the term life coaching before. In general, you know what a life coach is and how it differs from therapy – but do you know about the benefits of life coaching? What are you supposed to expect when you work with a life coach, and how will you know it’s working? What areas of your life will improve?

Life Coaching is the best investment you can make in yourself to increase your confidence, create strong boundaries, and rekindle that self-love that is so important. Read More