Feeling rejected sucks. But knowing how to get over a break up and make it stick might be even worse.
It doesn’t matter if you were dumped, you did the dumping, or the dumping just kind of happened—it still feels like someone took a dump all over you. One of our all time favorite books EVER, It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken: The Smart Girl’s Break-Up Buddy by Greg Behrendt, perfectly outlines how all of us can swiftly get past those awful post breakup feelings. We seriously have girls come to us everyday asking how to get over their most recent breakup, and although every situation is definitely different…there seems to be a method to this madness. So, you can grab the book, or you can read our take on it here!
Here is your guide on how to get over a breakup, and making it a break OVER.
1. Zero Contact for 30-60 Days
And we mean it. If he contacts you, too bad. If he wants to go get coffee, so sad. You have to stick to your commitment. We only are giving you the 30-60 day window, because some relationships are more challenging to get over than others. Some of you may know that you can easily kick this stupid habit of pining over buttheads in 30 days. Others…well…you need the full 60, and maybe more.
We recommend grabbing an old school calendar—not a digital one—and actually crossing out the days with a big fat sharpie. Why not? It keeps you accountable, gives you a little bit of awesome satisfaction with each mark, and reminds you of all the fabulous progress you’re making.
No matter how silly you may think this is—we’re willing to bet those of you who follow through are completely over it after the full two months. Boom.
2. Find a Break-Up Buddy
In order to avoid ruining all of your friendships out there by constantly venting and bitching about your most recent breakup, you need to find a designated breakup buddy. It’s a major responsibility—and it’s not something you can just assume someone will want to do. But it’s important to find one, because that way you don’t bottle up those awful thoughts about the breakup in your head, and you can feel guilt-free about releasing it out into the open. They agreed to it, so utilize it.
It’s important to keep yourself in check during this time. It’s really easy to blab to anybody and everybody about the breakup, but not everybody is really in the right state of mind to be your support system 24/7. So be careful, and select somebody you know is 1) up for it and 2) not crazy. You know what? We actually know the PERFECT place to find this!
Just choose wisely, or else your friends might dump you, too, out of sheer exhaustion.
Please for the love give away the old valuables you have been keeping of his. You do not need them. We know you already have plenty of old T-shirts to sleep in, so you really don’t need to hold on to his class of 2007 shirt hanging around. Comfortable T-shirts shouldn’t be about ex-boyfriends. Comfortable T-shirts should be about Netflix, take out, and your cat Pickles. (Ok, maybe that’s just me).
These items that you hold onto only keep you in the past. They are triggers that taunt you to stay hung up on him, and that’s just not very nice, is it? Allow yourself to heal by cleansing all of the physical objects from your life and start new.
As for anything that DOESN’T remind you about him, you’re free to keep it. You already promised us no contact for a a bit of time, so consider it a gift.
4. Don’t Wear Your Ew Feelings
You are not defined by this break up. You don’t have to now and forever be the girl “who was dumped.” Yuck. You can just be you. You were you before the break up, and you will be you after the break up. Your identity is not up for grabs, and it never will be. You don’t need pity—you need some FUN. You need some life back in your veins! People who feel sorry for you are just egging you on to stay in this state of blah.
Also, please do not give him a story to tell. This is pretty important. You don’t have to be the sad little girl who continues to call, text, or whine to get back what she wants. At this point, he might deserve your tears (just a few), but he certainly doesn’t deserve your dignity! You are going to come out of this, so no need to litter proof all over his phone that you are dying a slow miserable break-up death. Nah, girl. Don’t give him that satisfaction! Hold your head up high and remember that you are going to see the other side of this awful funk, and you will dance again!
5. Get in Motion
Get your booty up! The only way you are going to snap yourself out of your thoughts, is by forcing yourself to face the world. Let the environment distract you from the past. People, events, places, and experiences can help heal your old wounds. Even though it doesn’t feel like it, the world keeps turning after a break up. And it’s nice to be reminded of that sometimes—so make an effort to get up and go out!
6. Think Ahead
Let’s do an exercise. Right now, list out 10 places that you might run into him. And when we say might, we mean know. You know where he typically hangs out! You used to go there with him! So go ahead, list them all out. Give that list a good long hard look, because you won’t be going to any of those places anytime soon. Sorry!
Don’t worry, you will get your favorite late night wine bars back, but for right now, you need to discover some new places. We totally understand that you feel like you are just as entitled to those places as he is, but you’re the one still hung up on the relationship, so we have to compromise. You have already decided that you won’t see/talk/exchange info with him for 30-60 days, and “casual” run-ins count. After that time period is up, you are officially allowed to roam freely. But until then, start finding new places!
And if you do see him, get out. Fast.
7. No Back Sliding
What we mean by this, is no reminiscing about him and “the way we were.” If he was that great, guess what? You two would be together. There was something OFF between you two—and even if it takes awhile to figure out exactly why that is–trust that there is a reason you two are not together anymore.
If you concentrate on getting back together, you’re not doing yourself any favors. Chances are, you won’t. AND, if you do, it will probably be because both of you took a much needed break to figure your own stuff out. He needed a breather to go explore himself and his goals. And you can do the exact same thing! If you don’t use this time to try and move on and make some positive changes in your life, you’ll always regret it. Regardless of the fate of your relationship, now is the time to be selfish and for the first time in a long time, NOT think about him.
8. Put Yourself First
So, let’s keep going on that last bit. The selfishness bit. How empowering is it to just think about what YOU want? What YOU need? How do YOU feel? Believe it or not, you have spent the last few weeks/months/years concentrating on what somebody else wants, needs, or feels. It’s exhausting. And it takes away from your creative independence. There will be at time and a place for you to think about somebody else, but today is not the day. You were given this second chance to date YOURSELF, so take advantage.
So, for the next 30-60 days, practice doing things for you. What move would you like to watch? What would you like to eat? What would you like to do this Saturday? You get to choose. Take some time just for yourself. Stop thinking about other people for a change. Don’t worry—you’ll find a balance of pleasing yourself and others later on. But right now, it’s time to practice the art of being selfish!
Going through a break up?
Sorry about that. We know they can be super rough. That’s why Blush is here to make it a BREAK OVER. Let us be your break up buddy and coach you through this difficult process! It will be over before you know it. Sign up today!
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