Oct 1, 2015 by Kali Rogers
tips self-esteem, emotional resiliency, confidence

 
 

They DON’T hang their future on bad days

 

If things aren’t going their way, they don’t throw their hands up in the air and decide that from here on out – nothing is EVER going to go their way again. Dramaaaaa. Instead, they chalk it up to a rut or an isolated event of crappiness. They know that things will turn around as soon as they can adjust their sour attitude. In fact, emotionally resilient people bank on it. They believe that over the course of their life, the net result will be positive. So whatever with these down slopes – it’ll pass.

They DO have an internal locus of control

A locus of control is the amount of perceived control we have over our circumstances. If your locus of control is internal, that means you believe you have the power to influence your environment – for the good or the bad. If you have an external locus of control, that means you believe your environment has more control over your circumstances than you do. There are positives to either one, but generally having an internal locus of control is better for our emotional health.

Humans have a need to feel some control over their lives. We need to have reassurance that our efforts will pay off in the end. Emotionally resilient people take responsibility for their actions (I failed a test because I didn’t study hard – not because the teacher graded poorly), as well as take credit when things go their way (he loves me because I am a good person – not because he was lonely and needed companionship). These girls don’t waste their time trying to blame others – they’ve got everything they need all by themselves.

They DON’T ruminate, and instead choose to forgive

Considering emotionally resilient people have an internal locus of control, that could lead to some pretty damaging effects when things go sour. If they believe they are in control of their destiny, then doesn’t that mean that they created a situation that lead them to be fired? Or dumped? Hmm. That sucks. So…they have to take all the responsibility themselves?

Well. Kinda. But most emotionally resilient people are also rational – so they at least recognize that other factors could have been at play. The company was downsizing…so, although they could have been a bit more indispensable, there really wasn’t anything they could do. And sure, maybe they got dumped because of their short temper, but also because there was little compatibility to begin with. They have a little bit of the self-serving bias going on, but not enough to really affect their self-awareness.

Point is, emotionally resilient people can see the big picture while also acknowledging what they contributed to their poor situation, they take responsibility, they forgive themselves, and they move forward. They don’t sit and ruminate on any poor decisions they made or punish themselves for not trying harder. They put their big girl pants on, look in the mirror, and get on with it.

They DO have positive self talk

Ever sit and listen to that constant inner monologue you got goin’ on in there? Is it saying anything nice? Or is it a never ending loop of profanities and cuss words aimed directly at whatever it is you’re doing at the moment?

Emotionally resilient people have a positive string of affirmations, encouragement, and motivation playing in their head all day long. Sure, the occasional “This sucks” or “Shoulda tried harder” pops up here and there, but over all their self talk is genuinely positive. They also don’t concentrate on others’ thoughts about them – too complicated. They focus solely on their own thoughts, feelings, and actions, and try to make them as happy and positive as possible. They figure, there’s enough negative language out there coming at them all day everyday, might as well pick up the positive slack for themselves, right?

They DON’T surround themselves with negative people

Hell to the no.

Emotionally resilient people take one look at a negative person and say, “No thanks, but have a nice day.” They have worked hard to build up self-esteem, self-reliance, a positive outlook, and flexibility. Why on earth would they want to risk that by letting a negative person come in and stomp all over that? Big mistake. Huge. So instead, emotionally resilient people surround themselves with people they wish to emulate. People who really bring something positive to the table. People who aren’t intimidated by their accomplishments or positive disposition. Being emotionally resilient isn’t just something that happens over night – it takes work. And once people reach that level, they have to continue working at it. So risking all their hard work over a Negative Nancy simply isn’t a question. Buh bye.

They DO take the time to celebrate themselves and others

Emotionally resilient people celebrate themselves, and celebrate the lives of those around them. They aren’t intimidated if a friend or family member happens to crush it at work. They aren’t jealous when their best friends walks down the aisle before they do. And they certainly don’t act like a turd in a punch bowl when a friendly coworker is promoted before they are. No way. Emotionally resilient people like to enjoy life as much as possible – and if that means celebrating someone else over themselves – so be it! Celebrating is celebrating, and others deserve just as much recognition as they do.

However, they also make sure to really reward themselves for a job well done. Considering emotionally resilient people tend to take responsibility for their faults, they sure as hell throw one hell of a confidence boost party when things go their way. Sure, being modest is their typical attitude, but sometimes you just gotta praise yourself for being awesome.

They Don’t Assume Everything is about them

Emotionally resilient people realize that most of the time, it’s not all about them. If someone casually strolls by and aggressively shoots a stink-eye in their general vicinity, they don’t jump to conclusions and assume it’s about them. Instead, they wonder if that person accidentally put salt instead of sugar in their coffee, leaving them in a salty mood (get it?). Or maybe that person’s face is just shaped that way, like the girl from Juno. (She smells like soup!). Point is, emotionally resilient people don’t go into a paranoid frenzy convincing themselves that their world is falling to pieces because this ONE person didn’t bend over backwards to be polite. It’s just too exhausting.

Instead, emotionally resilient people live and let live. They realize that other people have their own lives full of stressors and inconvenient happenings – so they let a few weird looks or awkward comments slide. Plus, they really don’t have time to freak out about what everyone else thinks of them – they have a world to conquer, you know?

 

Want to be emotionally resilient?

Then it’s time to join Blush. Working with an online life coach one on one can help foster personal responsibility, self awareness, an internal locus of control, and overall resiliency. Join our newsletter and receive 50% off your first month of life coaching! See you soon!

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Kali Rogers is the Founder, Janitor, and CEO of Blush. You can stalk her on Instagram or ask her whatever you want via email. She loves the attention.
  • Purplerain734

    Nice article! Your writing style is lucid and comprehensible and I wish u could emulate. Anyway here goes: Some of these things I agree with (let go,etc)…but some are downright painful (downsizing!)…