Apr 30, 2014 by Charlotte Slocum
deal breakers dating

 
 

If you’re stuck in a crappy relationship and you aren’t sure why, we may have the answer.

Red flags are common in crumbling relationships, but sometimes we’re too busy trying to make things work that we don’t bother to duck and cover. Some of us out there might have suffered a shocking breakup, and really aren’t sure why. Others of us are determined to make sure we get it right next time. No matter our experiences, all of us can benefit from awareness, and Blush wants to help. So girl, when you see these 5 red flags, you better dodge ’em. Or else.
 

1. He Doesn’t Make Time For You


Yeah, we know what you’re thinking. “UM, DUH.’ But in reality, this can be a little trickier than expected. We know about the amazing Saturday night romantical dates. And of course, don’t forget about the lazy Sundays adorned with the occasional dog walk around the lake. But what about the other days of the week? Anything? Anything? Bueller?

When guys only carve out a specific amount of time for us, but prioritize the rest for others, the jig is up. Yeah, I’m sure he loves to spend time with us on the weekends, because all of his guy friends are with their girlfriends too! I know not all of us like to do it big during the week (cough, cough)–but never making ANY time Monday through Thursday is not a good sign. It’s not like football games are password protected with only one viewer allowed at a time. So, unless we’re ok with ESPN having a higher rank than our sweet kisses, it’s probably time to have a reality check. When guys are into it, they swap broken texts for real face time. Maybe not every day, but more than two days a week. And that’s the truth.
 

2. He Won’ t Introduce You to Friends & Fam


Ok, if it’s been a week, we should probably chill. Wayyyy too soon. If it’s been a year, MAYDAY. We should have met the friends & fam by now! Not incorporating you into his social life is a major red flag–especially when the opportunity is easy to take. Part of the relationship is hidden, and it’s time to get to know the real him–strange coworkers and all.

Side note: not being included makes us feel like blah. What, are we like, an embarrassment? Is he hiding something from us? Does he lead a double life? Errr. Whatever it is, we don’t deserve it. Without the risk of being paraded around like a trophy, we deserve to meet people in his life! We’re proud of who we date, and they should be proud of us, too. After all, we’d date ourselves if we could.
 

3. You Feel Controlled


No ma’am. If we feel like we might as well have a tracking device on us at all times, that’s no bueno. Our relationships should look like a venn diagram–a good amount of overlapping, but also space that we get to keep for ourselves. Balance, my dear. Someone looking over your shoulder all the time isn’t going to do the trick.

If this is happening to us…we have to ask ourselves, why? Is it because of trust? Jealousy? Power? Money? What is it?! As much as our posts tend to be light & funny, feeling controlled is NEITHER and it is an early sign of an abusive relationship. If you feel controlled or abused, please visit this site immediately and call the hotline. We want all of our girls to be safe.
 

4. You Catch Him Lying


And it doesn’t even matter what the lie is about. If we are secure enough to let him tell the truth, then he shouldn’t lie. Relationships need to be built on mutual respect, attraction, trust, and compatibility…not convenience. Lying can break apart everything we have worked for, because it calls into question the entire foundation of the partnership.

For our part, we need to try not to wig the heck out when he tells us he’s going to meeting with a female coworker. Guys are allowed to socialize with other women. We can’t just chain them up in a crate and only let other men come say hi. At the same time, we must listen to our instincts.  If we feel like something’s up, we are allowed to talk about it without attacking him. Let’s pump up the talking and shut down the lying. Cause ain’t nobody got time for lyin’.
 

 

5. He Shows Zilch Interest In Your Personal Life


Remember that venn diagram we talked about? We know it’s very important for everyone to maintain their individual space, priorities, and hobbies, but at the same time, we need to share things too. If he rolls his eyes when we invite him to a group happy hour, or he doesn’t really care if he makes a good impression around our bestie…it’s time to talk.

Most likely, it’s convenient for him to be around his social circle, but it’s not worth the effort to hang around ours. Our work may throw awful holiday parties, and yeah, our sister sometimes rambles. But we’re worth a few obligatory hours every now and then. And if he doesn’t agree, then maybe he doesn’t deserve the rest.

Ok Blush girls, remember–red flags are NOT for decoration.

If you see ANY of these red flags in your relationship, we want to help you sort everything out. Sometimes you just need to increase communication. Other times, it might time to call it quits. We’re here for you while you figure things out.

For our parting message, we’d like to leave you with a gem from one of our favorite films. Pure genius.

You deserve the best. Blush KNOWS so. Join today and we’ll help you see why.

 

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Charlotte loves playing with her cat Pickles, listening to Taylor Swift, and blogging on her fabulous Instagram account. Follow her here and feel free to email her here!

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  • Purplerain734

    I get that. I agree with that. But generally these flags can’t come up all of a sudden in life. It’s not one particular moment … It’s like a constant and slow erosion of consent… And one can only look back and notice the flag areas. Thoughts?