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Call it whateverrrrrrr you want.
You’ve heard about it in The Secret and probably read a few articles online about how it can change your life. Maybe you’ve dabbled, maybe you think it’s all bullshit.
I mean, I certainly did. For years. And to be fair, I still think a lot of it is.
Sooooooo yeah. Gotta be honest: I don’t buy into a lot of the fluff that many of those in my industry (life coaches) tend to gravitate towards.
You know – the GURUS (omg I HATE that word). The ninjas (Actually, this one might be worse). The “be sad for a minute and then get back to KICKING PURE ASS because LIFE IS IN SESSIONNNNNN!!!!!” speakers.
In fact, my biggest pet peeve in LIFE are those coaches who have adopted the snake oil salesmen tactics. Promising you perfect lives and boundless success all by following this fabulous 12 week long course all for the reasonable price of $2499!
Barfity barf barf.
Let’s just say having a counseling background has given me a grounded, yet sometimes, overly practical perspective. I’m allergic to tacky tactics.
But…upon further inspection, I realized I wasn’t paying *enough* attention to a certain area of commonality between my colleagues and me. I wasn’t embracing the principles that these other life coaches and myself DO share. Maybe I was focusing on enriching my clients’ lives so much that I forgot to focus on my own. Or maybe I just didn’t want to admit that I needed to practice what we preach.
Whatever the reason, it all hit me like a load of bricks. So naturally, I gots to write about what I discovered.
So before we get into the “how-to’s” – let’s first discuss the “what-is.”
Abundance theory technically refers to the theory that if you align your thoughts and feelings with positivity and opportunity, you can begin attracting personal and material abundance in your own life.
To me, what it really boils down to, is not living in a world of scarcity.
Living in a world of “and” instead of a world of “or.”
This isn’t about becoming a millionaire or chaining yourself to your career. This is about utilizing everyday gratitude, following what makes you happy, and not fearing self-care. It’s about channeling the life you want.
And there’s nothing tacky about that.
So here are the Blush principles on how to use the abundance theory in your life.
It all starts here. What do you want?
What is important to you? Is it the car you drive or the job you have? Is it giving away everything you own to those in need or is it having financial security forever? What do you want to cross off your bucket list? What do those things have in common?
In order to channel positive thoughts, you have to know what it is you even want to be thinking about. Because chances are, you are constantly telling yourself you CAN’T have it.
For instance, if one of your values surrounds adventure, then are you actively talking yourself out of traveling on a constant basis – or are you jumping at every opportunity possible? Are you counting every penny, hoarding it so that one day you can take that cross country trip across Asia, or are you cashing in your chips when they come in order to jump on a plane somewhere new?
You have to align your values with your thoughts and your thoughts with your actions.
Listen to your inner monologue. Think about what it’s telling you on a daily basis. I know mine used to sound something like this:
“You don’t know enough to do that yet. You don’t have enough to spend on that right now. Wait for next year, then maybe you can. You aren’t there yet. Maybe you won’t ever be there.”
Caution, caution, caution. But my values don’t surround caution. My values are all about joy and excitement and being bold. Caution doesn’t even top the list. So why does my mind keep playing tricks on me?
For starters, I wasn’t clear about telling it what I wanted. If I were consistently reminding myself “follow what makes you happy” and “there is more of what you want in the world” then I wouldn’t be so focused on hoarding and waiting for the “right” moment. I’d realize there is no “right’ moment and that whatever I spend or expel now I can always recoup later.
So start with your values. Think about what it is that you want out of life, and then tune into your thoughts. Are they aligned? Do your thoughts lead to you to or away from your values? Chances are, they aren’t as in sync as you might have thought. So your job is to self-correct at every step of the way until your natural flow is congruent with your values.
Otherwise known as: get over yourself and the high horse you rode in on.
It’s not cool to play that holier than thou ‘suffering is beauty’ bullshit game. We all have to move past that supes lame idea that we should be sworn to a life of poverty in order to be good humans.
Because guys, it’s not superficial to want to have some nice things.
It’s not superficial if you’re open to what money can bring you. And it’s not superficial to believe you deserve it.
You can still volunteer, try to impact others’ lives for the better, and feel good about the work you are doing while you ride around in a car that has AC and gets decent gas mileage. You can contribute to society AND enjoy life. The two are not mutually exclusive. So remove any little voice in your head telling you that you are a bad person if you spoil yourself. That’s not the case.
Remember – abundance is all about the ‘and’ not the ‘or.’
Virtuous with a fabulously high end wardrobe. Kind with a shit load of passport stamps. Altruistic with some champagne taste.
So think about the things you’d like to have in your life, and think about what you’ve done in life to work towards them. How are you worthy of happiness? Do you think positive thoughts? Are you nice to strangers? Do you call your mom?
You’re a good dude and you deserve to be happy. And while we all hate to admit it, money plays a factor in that. It’s just life. Money equals food and clothes and shelter. And those things can bring us to a new level of satisfaction so we can continue to spread kindness into the world.
My advice? Stop trying to fight with it and start rolling with it.
If you need a good kick in the ass over this, buy a copy of Jen Sincero’s You Are a Badass At Making Money. Her work is fabulous and I won’t be doing it any justice by paraphrasing. So go on with your bad self and get comfy with money.
I have zero clue what you believe in. And I don’t really care. All religions are cool with me and welcome on Blush as long as you’re not a total asstwerp about it.
Kewl Kali you’re like, soooo progressive, but what does this have to do with the price of beans?
Welp, I’m going to ask you to start communicating with whatever it is you believe in. Or, I guess rather than communicate (because I think it’s safe to assume most of you are already doing that), I want you to start asking for things.
Not in like, a selfish manner. But in a kind manner. In a manner that doesn’t boast entitlement. In a manner that expresses gratitude and appreciation. A manner with manners.
Here’s the deal with abundance theory: If you think you deserve something (see above), then you don’t have a problem with asking for it. And if you align yourself to want it, believe in it, and ask for it, you have a much better shot of receiving it.
Because you’re not closed off to it.
You are now aligned with your desires and you are actually PUTTING them out there. I am aware that your heart’s desire won’t come shooting at you immediately, but you’ll be surprised just how much does come your way after you start manifesting it. Why? Because you are finally fully aware of your wants and you are articulating them. This is the best way to get familiar with what it is you’re after – and what comes next is what really seals the deal.
After you have decided on your values, gotten over desire-shame, and have openly communicated what it is that you do want – it’s now time to werk.
Unfortunately little elves do not follow us around in life providing every little thing in which we ask for. God, do I wish though. My apartment would be immaculate and my clothes would always be clean. Alas. My point is, things don’t just fall in our laps haphazardly like we think sometimes.
We have to 1) be open to it and 2) push ourselves into traffic.
Not literally, of course. But metaphorically. Go where the action is. Brush some shoulders. Breathe in the juju.
For example, if your dream is to work at a specific company, then you best be applying for jobs and networking and trying to become closer and closer to said corporation. If your dream is to find an amazing relationship, then girl, if you’re not telling people you’d like to meet someone special and downloading apps like Hinge and Bumble, then I don’t know what to tell you.
The perfect job and the perfect man DO NOT come and knock on your door on a particularly gloomy Friday night to change the pace of your life. I have waited and I can assure you – newp.
Instead, you’ll meet the right person because you’ve put yourself out there in order to do so. You’ve stopped dating shitbuggers and only put yourself in the line of vision of those you deem worthy. You’ve also mentioned your new standards to friends and listed them on your dating profile, so it’s not hard for everyone else to fall in line, too. And as for your job – it’s much easier to get hired when you submit a resumé. Funny how that works.
While on paper, this seems easy, we know better than that. Because in real life, it takes vulnerability.
You’ve gotta open yourself up for the possibility of rejection. Which sucks.
And you also have to let go of your fierce pull to control everything in your life and let others take on part of the lead. Which also sucks.
But man, does it work.
Faith is another word that comes to mind. You have to have faith that life will provide what you need, when you need it, as long as you are focused and open. Two concepts that seemingly contradict each other, but when working together, are the magical combination for opportunity.
You know that friend who NEVER acknowledges anything nice that you do for them? They never say thank you or even acted like it happened?
We all know that friend. Now let me ask, do you ENJOY doing things for them?
No, of course not. Because they are a bratty mcbrat face who doesn’t give a shoot about the hard work we put into making their lives easier. So guess what? We ain’t gonna do it anymore. Go plan your own party this time bro. I’m out.
The universe is gonna do the same thing to you if you don’t take a chill pill and thank it for all that it’s given you.
If you can be grateful for the life you live, then life is going to want to send you more.
For example, if you are reading this blog, you’re in great shape. You at least have some sort of tablet or smart phone or desktop that you have access to and you have enough free time to bother reading anything that I say! Words of Kali Rogers just flowing on your screen. You are living THE DREAM, DUDE.
Trust me when I say that it is EASY to lose perspective in your everyday ongoings. There are some people out there who can genuinely think “There are starving children in Africa” every time things stop going their way. I know they exist because one of them happens to be my best friend, Caroline. EVERY FREAKING TIME she feels like poop she thinks about a little orphan baby not having enough to eat.
Friends, I do not have that kind of perspective. But I am working on it.
I have, however, started cultivating the power of gratitude. I thank someone, anyone, for good weather whenever it’s 72 and sunny. And I live in LA so that’s basically every day. Which also brings me to get down on my knees and remind myself how lucky I am that I do not have to commute in that horrific traffic every day to work. Instead, I get to talk to fabulous clients about their complex, yet normal, issues from the comfort of my own living room. With a desk that I built (it’s so legit).
I should ALWAYS feel grateful.
That’s not to say that my life isn’t full of lots of prickly pears. It is. There are *a lot* of things I would love to change about my life in this very minute. I have cried plenty of times in the past year over things that truly do suck. But in a sense, I’m lucky to have those issues. As Caroline would say, “but you have both of your arms in tact!”
LOL yes I do, Caroline. Yes, I do.
You don’t have to force your life in order to get what you want.
Part of the beauty in believing that good things are coming your way is being able to live for joy.
If you truly believe that there is more money, more trips, more experiences, more success, and more love out there for you – then why stress over it? Why force things that don’t feel authentic for you? Why live for anything other than enjoying life and what it has to offer?
Autotelic refers to an activity or project that has an end to itself instead of as a means to some other end.
In fact, I believe writing this blog is autotelic.
I am writing right now in this VERY minute not to generate sales for Blush (although, yes, that would be lovely) but just because I simply enjoy writing it. It’s therapeutic and it helps me crystallize my thoughts into something that actually makes sense (you do NOT want to take a vacay in between my ears, it’s cray in there).
And, I will hopefully add that you are reading this semi-boring article not because you feel like you have to do it, but because you just felt like it. Hell, maybe you’ll even learn something.
While life cannot be a constant stream of autotelic activities, it can definitely be the bulk of it. You are allowed to find joy in cleaning (I’m struggling with that, but whatever) and cooking and shopping and driving and running and talking. You are allowed to make boring shit FUN. And if one brings you joy more than the rest, then try to put more emphasis on that area.
FOLLOW. YOUR. JOY.
Joy attracts more joy. And if you can put your positive thoughts out into the world coupled up with your deepest desires, can you imagine what kind of a life that would be?
A freaking happy one. That’s for sure.
Good. You’re in the right place.
With a Blush life coach, you can finally have someone HELP you harness the world’s love into your very own life. Don’t even think about trying to do this alone. Changing habits and your self-awareness by yourself is total blahville – but doing it with a coach is actually fun. I promise. I do it every day! Join today and I’ll match you with a Blush life coach personally so you’ll get the best experience possible. Let’s do this.