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Oh yeah, successful couples definitely fight. Definitely. And they aren’t afraid of it one bit. Because what successful couples know that most others don’t, is that fighting makes the snarking go away. Arguments unleash what’s at the heart of misunderstandings and sarcastic side comments. Any hidden feelings are shoved right out into the spotlight and are forced to be acknowledged. And once everything is left out in the open…the only way to move, is forward. And, wouldn’t ya know it, all of those small problems vanish. Craaaazy business.
So….yep, that’s most likely why happy couples also aren’t afraid to exclaim, “RELATIONSHIPS TAKE FREAKING WORK.”
Although happy couples aren’t afraid to spend a night hashing it out, they also bounce back at an exceptionally fast rate. There’s no grudge holding, no pouting, no resentment, and definitely no rebound fight introducing itself around 10 pm on a Saturday night. (Gah those are the worst).
Successful couples honestly don’t have time for that. They know that when a fight is over, it’s time to say sorry and get on with their lives. Apologizing is incredibly important to establish respect, empathy, problem solving, and the fact that they were LIST-EN-ING. They don’t skip over it, that is, unless they want to keep goin’ at it. And once those two golden words are out of the way, it’s game time. Here’s lookin’ at you, date night.
Just like you don’t compare your dog to someone else’s dog, successful couples don’t compare their relationship to someone else’s relationship. Love trumps comparison. Successful couples love their idiosyncrasies and complicated layers, so they naturally realize the frequency of other’s fights or the size of a wedding ring doesn’t have anything to do with them. Their happiness and success is only measured by their own opinions, and it is never based on how their friends’ relationships are doing.
Plus, if there were reallyyyyy a competition, you know who would win.
While keeping the other person’s feelings in mind, these couples aren’t afraid to speak pretty dang honestly with one another. They have made an agreement that they can share their needs and wants without a huge steaming side of defensiveness. This doesn’t mean they have to tell each other EVERY SINGLE DETAIL OF EVERY SINGLE THING…but it does mean that they feel comfortable in sharing whatever they need to. Everyone has their limits, ya know?
Whether they see a relationship counselor together, or they seek out their own individual method of self help, they get it done. Successful couples know that the key to taking care of each other, is to take care of themselves. They don’t let their own emotional crap pile up and soil the relationship. (Ew). Instead, they face their baggage on a daily basis, and work hard to make sure they are the healthiest version of themselves possible.
Happy life, happy wife. (See what I did there?).
Successful couples might know all about each other’s exes and crazy experiences and not so flattering episodes…but they certainly don’t hold it against each other. They appreciate each other’s exes. Yes, really. They appreciate that these people molded their partners into the people they are today.
And…well…also…there’s that little chance that exes make us look like rockstars.
Overall, successful couples don’t spend their relationship in the past. They choose to be secure in their current relationship They reflect on their previous experiences, share a few deep moments and light laughs, and move forward.
Although physical space usually isn’t up for grabs, alone time is. During heated conversations, long vacations, or any other time that might merit some alone time, they jump for it. They realize although it’s healthy to be together, it may not be healthy to be together 24/7. Cause otherwise, they would most likely want to pull their hair out every other second.
*On another note, it’s not lost on successful couples that most likely, one is probably an Introvert and one is an Extrovert. That’s typically how it goes. So, they embrace their personalities without letting it offend the other. The introvert is allowed to skip the party while watching The Mindy Project (OK fine..that’s me..) while the Extrovert can go to the party without feeling like they’re leaving the other behind. They can do their own thing without a humongous fight. And it works. Swimmingly.
Successful couples gratefully accept help in any way, shape or form. When one partner offers to help the other, there isn’t any “help shaming.” Help is accepted at all times and forms, because it’s nice. Successful couples realize that help shaming creates resentment and oddly enough…little desire for the other to help. Imagine that! So, if one offers to help do the dishes, you ignore the soap still lingering on the plates. If one makes the bed and forgets the decorative pillows, you will survive.
And, last but not least, when Rachel tries to make a trifle but accidentally halves it with shepherds pie, you let it go. Poor baby girl tried really, really hard!!!
Now, even though Blush recognizes that love languages are a pit of pop culture, they still hold some truth. To summarize quickly–here are the Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, accompanied by examples:
1. Words of Affirmation
Compliments–you are so smart, you look pretty
2. Acts of Service
Tasks–taking out the trash, picking one up from the airport
3. Receiving Gifts
Presents–buying her a necklace or him a new shirt
4. Quality Time
Date night–individual time together
5. Physical Touch
Cuddling!!!!! Hand holding!!!!
Even though pretty much everybody likes all 5 languages, we tend to prefer one or two over the rest. Successful couples know their partner’s love language, and try very hard to practice it. Hardly ever do partner’s love languages match, so it’s important that they understand their own, but adjust their actions to reflect their partner’s.
To sum up, if you need relationship coaching—you should join Blush. Now.